bys and girls playing together

miriamnechama

Wed, Jul 18 2007, 2:51 am

From what age is it considered not tznius for a boy to play with a girl or girl to play with boy and does that include aunts, uncles, cousins etc??

and what about ie kol isha when can a boy not hear a girl sing??

there was a tehillim recitition where boysand girls sang together so I told ds he can't go!! he's nearly 8

mimivan

Wed, Jul 18 2007, 4:26 am

maybe call a rav?Doesn't it depend on wether you are MO, Charedi etc....

We're encouraging my son to play with just boys. (he's 3 1/2). I don't avoid going to a shiur or to someone's house just because I know my son likes a certain girl there, but I feel I should be careful. He came from gan last week with his face scratched up, and I found out that, while waiting for the van, he tried to kiss a little girl from the girls gan and she "defended herself" Crying

Concerning negiah and kol isha, I went to a shiur in which a Chabad rav said technically its allowed at later ages, but for the sake of chinuch, a boy should be taught to refrain from these things from 5 onward.

The Rebbe said a girls should be taught about tzniut from age 3...

miriamnechama

Wed, Jul 18 2007, 5:43 am

right I was referring toplaying ie in the park. of course I wouldn't not gottosomeone's house because she has girls. if I'm visiting it's different, but I'm referring more to outside play. chinuch wise from what age. and also I'm not referring to small girls but older age ie his age ot older.

shalhevet

Wed, Jul 18 2007, 5:59 am

I think it's one of those things that happens naturally, even amongst non-Jews, that boys and girls of around 7-10 are totally uninterested in the other gender and think all boys/girls are silly Tongue Out

. By the time they get over that age they are old enough to understand that it is not tzniyus. If they are in single gender ganim/ schools anyway their friends will be of the same gender.

So I just wouldn't push it while they are still young. Of course I wouldn't specially invite a five year old daughter of a friend to play with my 5 y o son, but if my 7 yo dd has a friend over I'm not going to forbid them to play with ds of 5.

As far as I know there is no issue of kol isha until the age of 9. And of negia until the boy is 9 and the girl 3. But even then people are not so makpid and I feel that telling ds age 9.5 that he is not allowed to touch (innocently as in the middle of a game) dd's 7 year old friend, it is just going to rebound.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jul 18 2007, 6:39 am

shalhevet wrote:

. By the time they get over that age they are old enough to understand that it is not tzniyus. If they are in single gender ganim/ schools anyway their friends will be of the same gender.

shalhevet, I have to disagree with you about this. I feel that if a child is always around others of the opposite s@x then they become used to them as not being something totally foreign, and I personally find that that is a very good thing to do.
I know families that the boys and girls have friends over and they all play together and as they have grown up, there were no tzniut problems, quiet the opposite, the children all learned that boys and girls are the same: HaShem's creatures.
I persoanlly find that when children grow up in an all girls or all boys environment then they see the opposite s@x as something very hard to obtain and when it comes to dating, it can become VERY tgricky and difficult.