An aggressive tzedaka collection call

Pickle1

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:19 pm

I picked up a cell phone number that I didn't recognize and a man was requesting I pledge money to whatever he's collecting for over the phone. I calmly told him that I don't pledge money EVER over the phone, and he's welcome to send me an envelopeby mail, and if I am able to contribute I will mail him $. he then got all mean and kept saying 'do you even know what we do?' in a very mean voice. I said 'you can send me the information' he got even meaner and louder 'do you even know what we do??'
I said honestly, no ,my husband takes care of sending out donations. he said 'well I already sent a mailing and you didn't send in anything' so I said 'ok, then probably we weren't able to contribute. I'm sorry' he hung up . why am I feeling so guilty. did I do s/t wrong?

imasinger

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:26 pm

You did nothing wrong.

Under the best of circumstances, it was legit.

Sadly, some organizations train people to be aggressive.

You can feel sorry for someone who gets hung up on all the time, and perhaps as a result, has gotten a tad hostile, without feeling guilty.

I had a similar experience recently, but with a woman. She had somehow gotten my cell, and I told her to send something in writing, and she kept pushing for an immediate donation.

And under worse circumstances, it's a scam. (Which is why we insist on written appeals.)

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Pickle1

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:34 pm

and last night my husband got a call 11.30 pm on his cell phone someone politely collecting for a well known organization...when we were young and dumb we used to sometimes pledge over the phone and then they'd mail us that we pledged a diff amt..thats why we stopped. there's got to be a smarter way for them to do this...how do these ppl get our cell phone #s?

amother

Navy

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:34 pm

I feel bad for the person on the other end of the phone who has a crummy job and probably only gets a donation for every 1 in 20 phone calls if that. But just because I feel bad for her does not mean I need to direct my tzedaka dollars to the organization with the pushiest telemarketers. For one thing our rav told us to use maaser money for tuition. Even if we had extra for tzedaka I prefer to use it for local or family needs as the shulchan aruch requires.

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 12:02 am

You can call the tzedaka yourself the next day and tell them that you were harassed on their behalf, and that you won't be giving to the cause because of how you were treated. Sometimes these places hire telemarketers without knowing how they act.

amother

Seafoam

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:43 am

I got a call tonight from a Jewish org. When I immediately started to say "sorry, we don't donate via phone solicitations" the lady started to ask my address and if we received their mailings.

I didn't have the energy to start explaining that when I am done helping my married kids, making donations to my grandchildren's schools (because they guilt you into it...) and of course my local Hatzolah and Bikur Cholim, I really don't have much left over. Plus an occasional donation to the schools my kids attended, and even the schools DH and I attended... really...maybe some people have unlimited funds. What do all these other organizations expect from me?

But I'll also tell you I'm annoyed that after donating to an organization I still get daily emails from them about their upcoming event. I donated when I first got the flyer! They should have a more selective way to send out emails! And not to mention phone calls! Why do I still get those???

ally

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 6:42 am

amother wrote:

Look at the bottom if the email. There may be a link where you can click to unsubscribe automatically.

zaq

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 8:54 am

You did nothing wrong. You merely erred in not hanging up as soon as you finished your spiel about not pledging, send me an envelope. (I say "tizkeh lemitzvos" or "hatzlacha" as a sign that the conversation is at an end, then hang up without waiting for--or giving them a chance to inject-- a response.) You are obligated to give tzedakah; you are not obligated to give to any particular one.

Floralwhite's advice to inform the tzedakah that their representative harassed you is a good one. Some of these people are volunteers, but many are paid professionals, and there are usually cash bonuses for raising certain sums. There is a powerful incentive for them to strong-arm you into pledging, and pledging more than you wish to. Also, there is often a script that the caller is supposed to follow, and this man was clearly not following it. The organization should know this.

yksraya

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 9:11 am

You did nothing wrong. I find it very wrong for a man to call a womans private cell phone. It's very creapy.

I got a call one day from an organization. The lady started the speach like an automated message. That itself drives me nuts. If you make an actual call, talk like an actual person and not like a robot. The she asks if I would want to donate now or promise to donate and she will send me an envelope. So I said she can send an envelope, but I'm not sure If I'll donate or not. So she starts saying "we had already sent you an envelope, and NOTHING cane back" in a very pushy tone. so I kindly told her that dh is the one who sees the envelopes and makes the decisions who to donate to. So she's like, "ok I'll call you next wk".

She then calls again the next wk, and I told her the same thing again, so she says "ok I'll call you tommorow". So I say "there's no point, I already explained to you that when dh will see the envelope, he will decide". That was that.

zaq

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 10:00 am

Why do you get into discussions with telephone fundraisers? You owe them nothing. Have a set spiel into which you launch as soon as it's clear what type of call it is. Do not give the caller a chance to argue with you. have your say, sign off with "hatzlacha" or "have a nice day" and hang up immediately. Oh, and make sure you tell them to put you on their "do not call" list. It may not help but it can't hurt. Especially if you tell them that you will definitely NOT donate if you get any more calls from them.

Iymnok

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 10:14 am

They usually start off with a whole shpeil about how wonderful their organization is. I interrupt them and ask if they are calling for money. They either say spies or they try to avoid me and continue their drasha.
I then tell them either that we have our places, but we'll keep them in mind, or, if we are at a low point, "I wish we could give, but we just can't right now". That sometimes gets me a bracha.
I try to hang up with Hatzlochah Rabba.

I let them call back in six months, but tomorrow or next week is annoying and I still won't be giving them.

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 10:58 am

When I was a young and not yet frum teen in EY my friends and I were approached in a pizza shop by a middle-aged chasid of some sort collecting for....? We each gave a couple of loose coins we had in our pockets, which I'm sure amounted to very little even between the few of us. He made an absolutely obnoxious comment, "Wow, so much! Now I can go home for the day." I guess he saw rich American girls, not girls on tight budgets that had to stretch the whole summer. But that's besides the point. He made me feel so bad and so angry that I gave him anything in the first place and had a bad taste in my mouth about giving tzedakah to people for a long time to come. To this day -- and B"H DH and I are in a position to give and have to honor to support many amazing organizations and families -- I really cringe when anyone collecting gets aggressive or makes any commentary on the amount we've chosen to give. I get that collecting is a hard job that takes an outgoing personality -- but outgoing and aggressive bullying are not the same and people like that should not be out there collecting.

heidi

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 12:24 pm

amother wrote:

I donated to my sons' yeshiva in the years in between when I had boys going there and thus was not paying them tuition. Today they called for a donation. I quoted them the tuition for next year and told them I was unable to give a donation this year.

Pickle1

Fri, Jul 07 2017, 11:44 am

op here. good to hear I'm not the only one who has some bitterness to unpleasant collectors. I once had a guy knock on my daughter, I couldn't find my checkbook and all cash I had was $1, I gave him that and he threw on the floor and walked away muttering nasty things. sometimes I give $1 I get a smile and tizku lmitzvos..and sometimes not. I guess I need to just chill a little.