Brissim | Imamother

amother

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 4:38 am

Who generally gets invited to the seuda after a bris?
Iy'h we're going to have a baby boy, and my husband and I were discussing the logistics of the bris, and I was mentioning that we could probably have the bris at someone's house in our community. (There's a specific lady I know who would most probably even offer to do it there.) My husband said he'd just ask his father to host the bris at his house, but I don't want that because I don't really know many people in his father's city, don't want to have to travel far for a bris, and I don't get along well with his father, not to mention the fact that if it were there, my MIL and SIL (and probably my other two BIL's) would refuse to come because they hate the step-MIL.
And I specifically want it in my community because I want my freinds in my community, and their husbands, to be able to come to the bris. But my husband said that for the meal, we should only have 10 men, it would be cheaper, and no one besides family needs to come to the seuda. And he also said that if its in someone's house here, we can't fit so many people, so it makes sense to be only family. (But if that was the issue, we could do it at the shul or at the local simcha place- which is VERY cheap...)

Is my husband just being silly? I've never been to a family only bris.

Not to mention the fact that I'm hoping we'll get some baby gifts from people if they actually come to the bris. If they're not even told about the bris/invited for the meal, then they may very well not give any gifts, and we'll desperately need them because we know few enough people here that would give gifts, and my family and DH's doesn't have any money to buy us gifts, and we don't have much money either.

Marion

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 5:21 am

Due to circumstances beyond our control, basically the whole community was invited...at least it felt that way to me! We had a list of 110 people...only family and close friends (and another 25 people who were chiyuvim). We did milchigs, as we did it early-ish in the morning (Friday, in the winter) and we did it buffet.

shalhevet

Thu, Jun 07 2007, 5:37 am

Don't you have a shul hall or something nearby which you could have for free or very cheaply? Then more people could come. I think it's better to make it much more simply and invite more people. We bought gefilte fish in cans, ready made salads and cakes, rolls etc. But you do need friends and/or family who are willing to set it up.

Our last bris was on a Shabbos and my in-laws came (my parents are not in EY) and although they kindly organized it for us they decided that we were only having a minyan for half a seuda (ie fish and salads) in the shul and then we would carry on the seuda at home - just us and them. I actually cried when dh told me. But dh said there's no choice - they're helping us, so they decide. And we didn't have the money to order catering. I was really upset.

But you know what, 2.5 years on, who cares? I don't even think about it anymore, just this thread awakened memories. B"H I have my son; the name you give the baby; the sandak; the tefillos you say at the time of the bris - that's what's matters for 120 years and beyond - not how many people sat at the seuda and how fancy the food was. In fact, it's good you know now and have time to get used to it if you can't change it. I was full of postpartum hormones which did not exactly help me think rationally...

supermom

Sun, Jun 24 2007, 6:24 am

I might be off but I learnt that you are not allowed to invite people for a bris. I forgot what was the reason maybe someone knows. We had 100 people by my sons bris.

Shal the fact that it was on shabbos makes it somewhat different. I see a lot of people serve the first course, cakes, drinks, nosh in shul and then the family eats by themselves with their relatives.

amother

Sun, Jul 29 2007, 5:12 am

Bumpity bump, as the clock is ticking....
What do I say to my husband, as we still havent reached an agreement about this?

We could do it at my house- there's room, and theres a table and chair gemach...
And I decided already what food we're having, and it'll be very cheap, so monitary-wise it isn't a problem...

Also, is it bad policy to prepare your own foods for a bris? Because I want the rav to come, but I know the rav only eats certain hechsherim, and therefore doesn't eat outside of his house...

Mimisinger

Sun, Jul 29 2007, 5:29 am

If money is not a problem, get a bagel place to cater it, or buy all packaged foods so the rav and everyone else can eat there. If people will help you clean, do it at your house! But, make sure there's a place that you can escape to. I wanted to do it small and either at our apt. or my parents but dh wanted a big shul thing...Make sure your friends are there and that if family causes you stress you don't want any of that.

amother

Sun, Jul 29 2007, 6:35 am

Mimisinger wrote:

Money is a problem. Which is why we won't be catering it...

But buying something especially packaged for the rav (and for the one or two other people that probably wouldn't eat in my house because I don't just eat "Rubin's" hashgacha) sounds like a good idea...