Help me plan this day - long drive to family simcha

bigsis144

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:19 pm

BH my sister is getting married on Lag ba’Omer!

For various reasons, we are only able to drive to from Maryland to New York on the day of the wedding itself.

I have two very active boys (5 and 8) who hate sitting still, hate taking photos, are openly hostile to babysitters and will stuff an entire Viennese Table in their pockets if left unsupervised. God bless ‘em.

I’m trying to plan a general schedule for the day to make sure it’s not total chaos for 18 hours straight.

Here are the parts of the schedule I know, but can I crowdsource some imamother wisdom for filling in the big gaps?

Working backward from a “3pm kallah’s side takes photos” hard deadline, we will try to leave Silver Spring at 9-9:30am. Google gives me a drive time of anywhere from 4 hours to 6 hours, so this seems safe to me?

So:
8am, Silver Spring: makeup appointment for me

9am: pack up car, leave for Far Rockaway

9am-3pm: ????
We are sleeping overnight in Queens, so if we get in before 1:45, maybe drop off our suitcases?
I assume kids will eat lunch and lots of snacks in the car, no stop required

3pm: Kallah Side Pix
most will likely not include my kids, but they need to be on call and in their nice clothes... bring an iPad???

4:45pm: Chosson Side Pix
?????????
Should I look for a park near the shul and change mine and kids clothes to go run around???
Should I find a place to go out for dinner/ice cream as a special treat??

6:15pm: Kabbalas Panim
?????!
My kids will look for cookies and then be bored to tears (all cousins are 2 years old or younger)

7:15pm: Chuppah
Please HaShem let them just sit still....

Eventually more pix, then dancing, and my husband is a fuddy-duddy who would be happy to leave at 9:45 and go to sleep, but I want to spend time with my family dangit

ANYHOOO

Thanks for reading this long thing, and any advice appreciated!!

amother

Ruby

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:37 pm

My 11 cents:

1) 3 hours is the most sitting that is fair to expect from active kids.

Pick a rest area about halfway through and have them run around for 20 minutes. Yes, it will make the trip longer. But it will break it up and hopefully they won't be as big of a disaster by the time you arrive.

I assume that videos or audiobooks on the way is a given. I also like to prepare a map so they can see where they are and how much longer till they get there. Sometimes with a treat when we reach each marked point.

2) Have the car packed up the night before so that when you say "it's time to go in the car" that's all that's needed. Don't waste their prime "sitting quietly" time for running back in the house to get things.

3) Clarify NOW if your kids are expected to be there for the pictures. Ideally go to a park right away when you arrive to again let the steam off.

4) Bribery will get you everywhere. Think of a really good bribe for:
- putting on nice clothing cooperatively
- smiling in pictures (consider a cumulative prize like "10 more cents at the toy store for every picture you smile in")
- being quiet by the chuppah
- being good for the babysitter
- anything else you expect will be hard.

I like to also offer a sibling prize for "helping each other cooperate".

5) VERY highly support the idea that you go out for dinner during Chosson side pictures. This is the best time to make sure they eat real food and are not hungry and more kvetchy during the actual wedding. Obviously if they are wearing light-colored shirts, take them off or put a t-shirt over... (Hopefully the pants will be okay.)

6) During Kabolas Ponim take kids for a tour of the hall. Make them each a plate of cookies proactively.

7) Be realistic about the Chuppah. Have DH sit near the back of the room and just take them out if they can't handle it. It's fine.

8) I think they will enjoy the dancing. Maybe get them some fun props to make it more exciting (flags, silly hats, whatever).

9) If DH wants to leave at 9:45, even better - have him take the kids and put them to sleep where you are staying. You hang out with the family and have a sibling drop you off at the place you are sleeping (or Uber or something).

10) Remember that at least 10 things have to go wrong.

11) The Chasunah is about being there for your family, not about you and DH having quality time. Plan a date for a different occasion so you are not resentful. Remember that one of you will have to be the hands-on parent at any given moment.

Enjoy, and Mazel Tov!!!

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:40 pm

A) The timing of that drive is very dependent on whether you are doing it on a Sunday. If you are, I'd leave by 8am and ask to be included in the appointments at the hall if possible, because the traffic builds as the day goes on. If it's a weekday, leaving at 9 makes sense to avoid rush hour traffic. And either way, 4 hours to Far Rockaway is a best case scenario.

B) Stop at a rest stop early on after getting on the Turnpike for an early lunch and run the kids around. This makes them eat some real food, too.

C) Can you get someone to help with the boys during the day and the wedding? Is there a room they can go to? If dh is a fuddy duddy, can he duck out with them whenever he isn't needed? Bring a go bag of non messy things they will like for them to veg out with. If you do tech, iPads would not be remiss here. Once they've had food and mazal toved their aunt and the chassan, they can show up to the badeken when it's time to walk in, and crash again after the chuppah once they've eaten something.

newmother

Tue, Apr 24 2018, 6:51 pm

Can you get your makeup done in the area of the wedding? Then you have the option of leaving earlier and not have a fully made up face.

We traveled with kids for around 6 hours the day of a wedding: what worked for us was to leave around 6:00 in the morning, everything packed the night before, took kids in pajamas and they slept in the car for another hour or so and we didn't have traffic yet, made two rest stops, one for davening and one bathroom one, got to our destination put down bags and relaxed a little, then got ready for the wedding, makeup... We borrowed a DVD player from a friend that we used on the way home and brought snacks and little toys/ activities for the kids