Daughter's highschool - is this normal?

amother

Silver

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 6:21 am

A day off gives the girls the things they want/need most at this point- sleeping in, and extra time to catch up on school work or friends time. And it does it without cost to (almost all) parents or the school. The reward needs to be enough of a draw to get the girls to go out and sell or to raise morale and have the girls feel appreciated, but a trip costs either the school or the parents money. And if it costs the school, that can negate the ticket sales. And yes, even a trip to the park costs money if you need bussing, and can be complicated in terms of arranging chaperones when the rest of the school is in session.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 6:24 am

amother wrote:

That's for sure not the case everywhere. It's probably only in Brooklyn or where everything is walkable. I was in public school in a suburb. We relied on school buses until 12th grade, when we drove ourselves. In fact, in 10th grade we once had a substitute not show up for one class, and we all just went to the lunch room (other kids were having lunch then- it was a big school) and we got detention for it later in the week. We were expected to stay where we were supposed to be. I think it's perfectly fair to ask if this is in the realm of normal for a school of OP's type in OP's location, which judging by the responses it is.

No, this is not in Brooklyn. It's a suburban community. And it most definitely is not like the school you attended. When the girls have a free period, they can walk around the school building or immediate vicinity - they are definitely not expected to stay cooped up in a classroom.

I do think the school tries to treat them as almost-adults, and expects a certain amount of maturity and independence from their students.

If they have a free the last period, they can come home early. I live about 4 miles from the school, and I work, so I'm not hopping out to pick her up. She either gets rides from others living in our neighborhood (I try to make it up to them by being the available driver for school events that take place in the evening), walks (occasionally, on a very nice day), or waits it out till the bus comes and either socializes or gets h.w. done.

I think a school can have whatever rules they want, but I don't think an individual parent can demand that a school change it's rules/philosophy to suit them. This school has been around for many years. The goings on of high school are no secret, and a parent would do well to find out about what life is like for student and parent before they enter high school. If the school rules, or lack of them, does not suit them, they can send to a different high school.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 6:29 am

I taught in a BY HS. The parents would be surprised that this is a normal thing. Pretty much from sukkah, seniors are filled with activities, and school work takes a back seat. Chessed, activities, school play all come before school work. The message is that school work is not important except to support a family. There is no concept of scholarship for its own sake.

To the mother who wants to call the school and complain. Don't because it is not normal. Even if administration doesn't tell, it becomes apparent which girl has that mother.

I agree that school work should come before play tickets, but let it go.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 7:59 am

amother wrote:

this is not the case in this particular school. School play has a particular time and place, but the rest of the year, there is plenty of emphasis on scholarship and learning, and not just in the context of supporting a family, but rather as part of self-development.

InnerMe

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 8:18 am

seeker wrote:

I do agree with the points against it, however I don't think it's that egregious. I would not waste a phone call to the school over this. It's not grossly inappropriate, even if there could be better approaches, and you really don't want to be the parent who complains about everything and gets tuned out.

High school girls work freaking hard and could use a day off. They do not require the parents to hire a babysitter at the last minute or otherwise rearrange their own schedules. And they are old enough that it's not really impactful anymore with regard to communicating mixed messages about the value of education (which is what I would argue if we were talking about, say, 3rd grade)

I agree with seeker.
There's a lot of stress placed on teens, and I wouldn't complain about a breather day for a high school girl.

And also agree with the poster who said it's not child care- the way you're looking at it as paying per day. It's the whole picture. For some teens a day off is a chance to stop catch their breath, de-stress, and refill their tank.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 9:45 am

amother wrote:

That was my impression also of the school until I worked there. This school has the best academic reputation among the 5 BY HSs in the area. The morning may be geared to self development. The afternoon is not except for a few random classes.

I would be more stressed by the long Pesach vacations and the mandatory chessed and all the activities the seniors arrange for the lower grades. One day off for selling play tickets would not bother me. What about the time to sell the tickets? What about other fund raisers?

amother

Bisque

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 9:57 am

amother wrote:

A day off gives the girls the things they want/need most at this point- sleeping on, and extra time to catch up on school work or friends time. And it does it without cost to (almost all) parents or the school. The reward needs to be enough of a draw to get the girls to go out and sell or to raise moral and have the girls feel appreciated, but a trip costs either the school or the parents money. And if it costs the school, tha can negate the ticket sales. And yes, even a trip to the park costs money if you need bussing, and can be complicated In terms of arranging chaperones when the rest of the school is in session.

why do they need chaperones if they could otherwise just take themselves to the park on their own.

again - the reward was a surprise, not incentive to sell.

this is really bothering me. A reward of a day free from classes as a reward for working so hard at those classes, makes sense to me.

A reward for a day off classes for being a fundraiser? not so much. The reward for being a great fundraiser could be that some of the funds raised go to support a fun school activity for the girls, rather than just going to, say, fix the hole in the roof.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 10:47 am

amother wrote:

why do they need chaperones if they could otherwise just take themselves to the park on their own.

When they go to the park on their own, they are their parents' responsibility, and parents allowing them to go to the park on their own is parents' choice.

When they go from school headquarters, they are the school's responsibility, and the school needs to ensure their safety. Sending them without chaperones (like teachers) would be completely irresponsible.

I'm surprised at your question. I could just see a thread on imamother entitled "Daughter's highschool sends teens on a trip to the park all by themselves - is this normal?" and the outrage that would engender. It would certainly upset me far more than a day off from school.

In fact, the girls in this school once went off somewhere by themselves for Purim shtick, and boy did they get into trouble - IIRC multiple detentions plus (my DD happened to have fallen asleep at her desk that day and was not part of that trip, so was exempted from the punishment.)

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 25 2018, 10:53 am

BTW - as a point of interest, the school play is NOT a fundraiser for the school. The tickets sold barely cover the costs of the play. The play is done for the benefit of the students (what those benefits are deserve a spinoff).

The girls are given a day off, likely because it appeals to them, and does not cost the school further $$$, such as a special activity or a trip would.