The 5 most important things for a woman to learn in life

daagahminayin

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 7:25 pm

I get emails from Quora and this question came up in my feed: What are the five most important things for a woman to learn in life?

A lot of the answers were along the lines of: be independent, career comes first and should form your identity more than family, and follow your heart.

If I had to answer the question, my points would be a bit more practical and traditional, such as:

- If you want to get married and have kids, factor this in when planning your career.

- Most women will want to have a family and the relationships you build in your life usually end up being more important to you than your career.

- Choose a career that will be personally satisfying to you and bring you a good life/work balance.

- Don’t underestimate the importance of financial stability when thinking about a career. If you have a job that’s not the most exciting, but it affords you the security to invest in your hobbies and other things you enjoy doing, this may be better than struggling with financial stress in a job that is meaningful but doesn’t pay the bills.

- Marry someone kind who you connect to and feel comfortable with, who you can trust and depend on and who can be your best friend. This will bring you more genuine happiness than a rollercoaster relationship full of amazing highs and painful lows.

What would be your 5 most important things?

amother

Oak

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 7:39 pm

1. Being kind is always the right approach.
2. Take pride in your role as a woman.
3. Developing your character will bring you tremendous satisfaction
4. Every interaction you have has the potential to change someone's life.
5. While you have the power of speech, sometimes there is greater power in staying quiet.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 7:42 pm

Most of the things you mention are career related.

My husband seems to think every woman needs to know how to make a good potato kugel. Which is ironic because his mother never made any.

But I would say knowing how to cook is a good skill to know for marriage.

esther11

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 7:44 pm

I find it very interesting that you still had the first 4 listed focused on career. I do have a career, I have a masters degree and I work in my chosen field. Even still, I probably would only have one or two points about my job.
I like your last one a lot! I’d also include a couple points about self growth or learning to adapt to situations instead of expecting everything else to adapt to you. I don’t really have time to formulate 5 real answers now.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 7:49 pm

mine would be more like
life's not a competition, own your own, regardless of how you feel you compare to others

I agree with your one about spouse- marry someone who you can be best friends, you can trust, and will stick with you through the ups and downs, life's going to throw a lot at you, you want someone who can weather that with you

the only person you can change is yourself and it's a lifelong process, don't give up

need to think about what the other two would be

Jeanette

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 7:55 pm

1. The people who care don't matter and the people who matter don't care. don't waste time or energy trying to please or impress people who don't care about you. The people who care about you don't need impressing.

2. Invest in your friendships. A good, long lasting friendship is a priceless gift.

3. Friends come in all ages, shapes and sizes. You will never lack for friends if you know how to look for them.

4. The personality you have and the challenges you have are meant to be. Don't waste time wondering about what you could have accomplished if only you had A, B or C. Your mission in life is to see what you can accomplish WITHOUT having those things.

5. Childhood is precious. Enjoy every minute of it when the kids are small. And don't worry so much about what they'll be like when they grow up (said by a mother of kids in their twenties, teens, school-age, preschoolers and babies.)

daagahminayin

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 8:03 pm

To the previous posters: first of all, I love your answers! Yes you’re right, mine are career related (or anti-career related) - but really it’s in response to the answers I was seeing on Quora which seemed to me to be overly concerned with the importance of career and having that as your main identity. But of course there are other really important things to learn in life. Let me see if I can think of some non-career ones:

- Make time for spirituality. Ultimately what you are left with after this life is your relationship with HaShem.

- True greatness is achieved by the tiny choices we make every day. Keep choosing good when it comes to the little things and you will become the person who can make that truly brave and heroic once-in-a-lifetime choice when it comes around.

- Embrace and engage with your emotions - the highs and the lows, but don’t mistake them for who you are. You are the center point experiencing these emotions which will come and go like waves. Your center is always connected to HaShem, no matter what’s going on around you, and it’s from here than you can maintain a quiet, constant joy.

- Love other people, shine your light outwards to them, but know that you can’t control them or fix them. They have their work to do and you have yours.

- Open yourself up to learning from others, seeing the good in them, changing your mind, receiving love and light.

amother

Coral

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 8:12 pm

1. There is no one type of aishes chayil, play to your strengths and outsource the rest.
2. Invest in your kids, but don't let your own well run dry
3. Forgive your parents for their mistakes, just like you want to be forgiven.
4. A woman should find experts to consult on her health. S*x is an important part of health.
5. You can have it all, but not all at once. Be patient and be humble.

Emotional

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 9:02 pm

1) Develop healthy habits when you are young, and stick to them. It is so, so difficult to undo the damage when you're older.
2) Don't judge people. Ever. Every person is a world unto themselves, with a hidden story. It will serve you well to remember that as a daughter-in-law, and then as a mother-in-law.
3) Don't even THINK about dating for marriage until you have a driver's license, some steady work experience, a path toward a career (even if you plan to be a stay-at-home mom, you never know where life will take you) and you can at least scramble an egg.
4) File away for future reference: birth control is NOT assur.
5) If you're not sure, see #4.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 9:05 pm

emotional- I got married with a license ( my mother's wisdom Wink

she wanted her city kids to learn how to drive in case they moved to the burbs as adults but I hadn't driven since my license and it was really really tough so I might add, if possible with driving experience as well Wink

Emotional

Mon, Jul 02 2018, 10:12 pm

amother wrote:

emotional- I got married with a license ( my mother's wisdom Wink

I saw no rush to get my license, I finally got it at age 35 and I still get tears in my eyes when I think about the various scenarios I found myself in beforehand... how handicapped I was without it. Even when I lived in Brooklyn, with its networks of trains and buses. Shlepping three little ones on and off a bus with a double stroller to every appointment is doable, but difficult. And once I moved to Lakewood, I was really handicapped without the ability to drive.