Baby's Love | Imamother

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 12:35 pm

I know I shouldn't complain, but it still stings. My 6 month old baby boy is obsessed with my husband, he gives the most beautiful smiles, giggles, coos and calms right when he hears his voice. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get a little half smirk here and there. We visited my grandfather today and he looked at my husband and said "I really think the baby favors you"

Sigh. Not much that can be done but it hurts that I give so much and can't even have some of the small joys.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 12:43 pm

I'm assuming this is your first, right?

Babies don't feel "love" at that age. Love is a much more complicated concept. Right now, it's about food, sleep, and sensory input. Your baby may like your husband's tone of voice better, or his manly smell, or something random like that. This can change at any time, and he'll be a mama's boy before you know it.

I didn't really feel like DD connected with me until she could talk. She was sweet and cuddly, but that could have been more about her wants and needs, and a lot less about how she felt about me. One day she came over, put her arm around me, and said "You're my friend." That felt really real, for the first time.

Let's face it. Babies are self centered black holes of need, and it's all about them. That's not a bad thing, it's a survival thing. Just be patient until he develops a little bit more. You'll be snuggling and giggling together in no time.

amother

Jade

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:46 pm

I know a little girl that loved beards when she was a baby.
She would smile and coo and look so lovingly at anyone with a beard and preferred them over her mother. She would even try to wriggle out of her mother's arms and try to throw herself at men she did not know, but who had beards!

She wasn't her mothers' first, so her mother found it absolutely hysterical and we all laughed about it. Don't worry, when she learned what love was, she loved her mommy for real!

esther11

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 1:55 pm

I’ve had similar with a couple of my babies. I found that with me they would cry and squirm, but when my husband held them they would chill and smile. We realized that whenever they were with me they just wanted to nurse so they were trying to get food!
Also I have found that my kids go in stages of extra connection with one parent then the other. I’ve come to be quite pleased when my kids beg for my husband to do bedtime/bath instead of me Very Happy

Ruchel

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 2:55 pm

Dad is protection and possibly not there all day. It's phases, also. My 3 year old can go crazy when my husband leaves for work, but when I left at the airport he had to be carried outside. Phases.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 4:32 pm

octopus wrote:

Are you nursing? Could be baby just sees you as the food dispensary

Yes, that’s basically the problem. I feel like a vending machine. It’ll pass, I know. But it still hurts

Rappel

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 5:22 pm

The pendulum keeps swinging. Sometimes he'll prefer your husband, sometimes you.

When my eldest was that age, he would only accept care from Abba when he was around. WIN! I got a break and my hands free, and Abba developed a truly strong connection with him.

My second might as well be my second kidney right now, and it's very difficult for DH to be cut out of her care (by her preference, not mine!). Oh well. The pendulum keeps swinging...

dankbar

Thu, Sep 27 2018, 11:22 pm

for sahm, they can have mom all the time, but dad is exciting when he walks thru the door, why not, not always available! we moms get taken advantage of they only come to us when they need something....

amother

Gray

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 2:10 am

You're hurting yourself, as is your father inlaw for saying such a thing, and if you believe it, you could put a wedge in your heart and start to resent your baby.

Imagine if it was child saying to mommy, you favor my brother over me. Absolutely not true. We can love many people, each in a special way.

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 5:55 am

tf wrote:

Just try leaving baby home with father while you get away for a short while. The crying when you leave and the smiling when you come back will help you change your mind.

I don't know if that will be the reaction in a 6 month old baby. My son didn't start reacting when my husband or I left until he was a little older than that. He hit his separation anxiety stage later than other kids. Nowadays, if I dare go to the bathroom and lock him out, even with my husband there, woe is me...

As far as baby's parent preference goes, OP, I hear you. There was a period of time where my son far preferred my husband over me, and it was hard. Then he started crying for mommy and refusing to go to daddy, and that was difficult for my husband. Now, I would say he likes me better overall, but that's because daddy is the one who disciplines him more.

As other posters have said, the pendulum keeps swinging. It's difficult when it swings very heavily in one direction or the other, but it'll pass.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Oct 23 2018, 12:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

LiLIsraeli

Fri, Sep 28 2018, 9:19 am

I agree with what everyone said. It's just a phase, and of course you want your baby to love his daddy, too!

Something else I thought when reading your post - "favoring" someone doesn't always mean "prefers." Sometimes it can mean "takes after" or "looks like." Could be your grandfather meant the baby looks like your husband.

Either way, baby knows who his mama is. When push comes to shove, you're his comfort and his security. He may like to play with dad, too, but you're his source of nourishment.