Gift on condition NOT to give ma'aser from it.

amother

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 5:53 pm

shoshb wrote:

We asked a shaila once about giving ma'aser on gift money, and we were told as follows (IIRC).
If someone gives you an unconditional cash gift, you are required to give maaser.
If someone gives you money "to buy a table" (say), you may use all the money for the table, and need not give maaser.
Now, I don't recall specifically if you MUST use all the money for the table, or CAN give maaser if you want, you'd have to check with a Rav.
So, if you specify that this is money for the heating bill, they certainly need not give maaser, but they may choose to do so from their own money. And you can never control what someone does with their own money!!!!

Thank you!! That's exactly the information I was looking for.

I know that I can't, ultimately, control what they do. I know that I can't really tell them "and don't turn around and give ma'aser on this..."

But I want them to know that I expect the entire sum to go toward their bills and not toward other people's problems.

Thank you!

Cheap in New York

amother

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 5:57 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

Do you think they might feel hurt by your statement of "expectation"? Is that worth $40?

To be honest, I don't know if they will or won't. I wish I had thought this through better.

Cheap and Heartless in New York

Tefila

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 7:00 pm

Dear OP (not cheap or heartless though) in NY Wink

I can so understand where you are coming from.

However though you can give guidelines on how they perhaps could use the money or pay the bill directly.

I will say true tzedaka lshem mitzvah is with no boundaries attached you are doing it b/c you have been put in the position to help this person out, and by you helping them out you relinquish not only that amount but the authority of dictating exactly where it shoud go.

This is prob one of the highest forms of tzedakah. Op I am sure you can rise to the challenge and iy"h Hashem will give them sense to use it how it should be done.

Be Thank-ful that b"h you are able to be on the giving end and not the reiceving one, Thats all 4 now Hatzlacha Wink

Crayon210

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 7:14 pm

I think the best way is just to give the money, no explanations (except maybe "use this for what you need"). Also, do NOT tell them their halachic obligations in terms of ma'aser! They'll probably feel hurt at that too.

Hatzlacha. You're doing an important but difficult mitzvah.

greenfire

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 8:17 pm

I really understand you OP ...
I'm gonna agree that you should just offer to pay a certain bill ... write out a check to that company with their info on it ... and then the money was never even theirs and they do not have to pay maaser on it ...

amother

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 8:22 pm

I recently had the opposite issue where somebody gave me money and asked me to give maaser from it. I felt weird and like how can I do that when I needed it so bad.

chocolate moose

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 8:35 pm

It's like the song that never ends....

I use my mayser to give a generous gift to a chososn and kallah, they give mayser from that for people who need help paying for their groceries...they in turn help someone pay medical bills....those people use their mayser for owed tuition.....the school uses the mayser to pay their teachers, the teacher maysers his paycheck to help a chosson and kallah.......

shoy18

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 8:38 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

It's like the song that never ends....

I use my mayser to give a generous gift to a chososn and kallah

You can use your maeser for gift giving?

chocolate moose

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 8:38 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

OT, but how can you give a gift for a chosson and kallah from ma'aser?

It's hachnoses kallah. If you gie more generously than you would have originally. That's what the rov said.

Crayon, you should ask your own rov for his own psak since I know you don't like g oing by what I've learned.

and shoy, you're not a Lub so you should for sure ask your own rov.

greenfire

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 8:41 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

sweet ... pay it forward ... Thumbs Up

Crayon210

Mon, Oct 15 2007, 9:07 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

OT, but how can you give a gift for a chosson and kallah from ma'aser?

That's interesting. Which rav?

Obviously I would ask my own rav for his psak, but I'm curious about this.

amother

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 11:11 am

back to the op. I think its nice that you want to help but I also think that you are wrong to try to stop them from doing a mitzvah. if they want to give tzedaka and do a mitzvah who are you to stop them? if you want to help then give them the money otherwise just stay out of the way.