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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
sequoia
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 5:42 pm
When I’m going with my friend to an event in NJ and back (about an hour and 15 minutes each way), should I offer to chip in?
She owns a home, drives an Audi, and has designer everything, from handbags to glasses. I want to be polite, but honestly I just feel pathetic.
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mommy3b2c
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 5:44 pm
There’s no reason to. She’s allowed to do you a favor.
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Cheiny
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 5:44 pm
sequoia wrote: | When I’m going with my friend to an event in NJ and back (about an hour and 15 minutes each way), should I offer to chip in?
She owns a home, drives an Audi, and has designer everything, from handbags to glasses. I want to be polite, but honestly I just feel pathetic. |
How much she has is inconsequential, you should offer. She can turn you down if she likes,,,,
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ra_mom
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 5:45 pm
I think for a short trip like this, and with your friend, you don't have to offer unless you see she feels otherwise.
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Sebastian
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 5:52 pm
I wouldn't offer if she's your friend. I would personally think it's odd if my friend offered.
You're very sweet!
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sequoia
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 5:55 pm
Ok. Thanks. I’m never sure with these things.
This summer I had a ten hour car ride and me and the other passengers definitely chipped in. In fact the driver told us how much at the beginning.
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thunderstorm
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 5:57 pm
sequoia wrote: | Ok. Thanks. I’m never sure with these things.
This summer I had a ten hour car ride and me and the other passengers definitely chipped in. In fact the driver told us how much at the beginning. |
That's a very different scenario and makes sense to chip in. However to NJ with your friend , it's nice to offer, you don't have to and even if you do she most likely will turn it down.
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amother
Maroon
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 6:04 pm
I've given rides to many many people and no one has ever offered to pay gas n tolls. I wouldn't accept.
But I also wouldnt give rides for very long distance trips.
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ellacoe
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 6:19 pm
Always err on the side of grace. It doesn't hurt to offer.
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amother
Vermilion
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 6:25 pm
ellacoe wrote: | Always err on the side of grace. It doesn't hurt to offer. |
I don't think it's appropriate in this case. If we were talking about kollel wives or people who obviously budget carefully, it's a different story. But this friend sounds like she might even be offended at the offer (I know my mother in law, who drives a jaguar and has designer everything, would definitely be offended at the offer).
Just be good company, sequoia.
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Amarante
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 7:17 pm
If she doesn't have some kind of toll pass, I would offer to pay the toll but I would also expect her to decline.
I don't generally offer or expect friends to chip in for relatively short rides when we are going somewhere together. I'm actually glad for the company generally. But there is always this polite dance sometimes my friends and I do where you offer and expect to be refused.
If there is a valet or parking fees, I would definitely pay those.
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amother
Scarlet
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 10:32 pm
amother wrote: | I don't think it's appropriate in this case. If we were talking about kollel wives or people who obviously budget carefully, it's a different story. But this friend sounds like she might even be offended at the offer (I know my mother in law, who drives a jaguar and has designer everything, would definitely be offended at the offer).
Just be good company, sequoia. |
I beg to differ, I drive a fancy car too and would still appreciate the sentiment. And I would still offer to chip in if it were me taking the ride, even if it were a fancy friend. It never hurts to be gracious.
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seeker
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 10:41 pm
Sounds like it doesn't make a huge difference either way. You do the nice thing by offering, and she'll do the nice thing by saying "Oh please, don't even think about it" and then you both move on and forget it.
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shirachadasha
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 10:57 pm
You could bring home made cookies that you made especially for the trip. It wouldn't be suggesting that she needs the $5 worth of ingredients - it would be letting her know that you gave the matter some thought and wanted to show appreciation.
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sequoia
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Thu, Dec 13 2018, 11:37 pm
shirachadasha wrote: | You could bring home made cookies that you made especially for the trip. It wouldn't be suggesting that she needs the $5 worth of ingredients - it would be letting her know that you gave the matter some thought and wanted to show appreciation. |
That’s a good idea.
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mommybrr
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Fri, Dec 14 2018, 12:04 am
A trip from NY to NJ or vice versa cost approx $50 for gas and tolls (or more dep on gas prices).
Unless I am getting a ride with a family member, I always offer $20. It's up to the driver to accept or decline. DH has given rides for weddings and pple usually offer to chip in $10-$20 depending on how many passengers.
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Raisin
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Fri, Dec 14 2018, 6:48 am
sequoia wrote: | That’s a good idea. |
or buy some good chocolate or other snack. (blueberries if she is the healthy type)
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amother
Rose
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Fri, Dec 14 2018, 8:32 am
It would be nice to turn to her and offer "May I contribute to gas?" She'll likely smile and say "no need".
I always offer but my offer is rarely accepted.
My passengers usually offer and I never accept unless, like OP mentioned, a long road trip when cost of transportation is usually one of several costs to figure in.
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Geulanow
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Sun, Dec 16 2018, 12:05 am
Just because someone has owns a home, drives an Audi, and has designer everything does not mean they have money. Maybe the house has a large mortgage (or second mortgage), maybe the husband goes out of his way to show honor to his wife and has large credit card bills, maybe they have to pay a ton in tuition or have other large expenses. Don't act like you are doing her a favor by offering the money, act like she is doing you a favor by taking it.
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chanie18
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Sun, Dec 16 2018, 2:03 am
Geulanow wrote: | Just because someone has owns a home, drives an Audi, and has designer everything does not mean they have money. |
Thats probably true, and says sad things about our community
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