"I do not agree with your life"

Mitzvahmom

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 10:25 am

Woman in the shul I work at, came intoday..

I detest when she comes in, because the office is never neat enough for her. Though I did warn her that my office looks like a hurricane due to alot of projects..

She told me that she's quitting the shul, and I told her that I might be leaving soon also.

She proceeded to tell me, "I do not like that your raising your children frum, because I do not think it's in your heart. You will never be happy, because your nto a baby factory or a stay at home mom. You have three precious children and your working and going to school instead of focusing on them."

It really hurt Crying

I think I am doing really well for them, the best I can. I am turning down loosers for shidduchim, and IY"H moving to a biger frum community..

yersp

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 10:36 am

That was mean of her!! Exploding anger

Please don't even bother listening to her. You were given two ears for a reason: one in and one out!!
If she can say something so disgusting to you, then it's possible that that's exactly what SHE feels like. It's known that problems that a person has, can only be seen in another. For example, if you constanly come late to work, you would be annoyed that another co worker is forever arriving late. Do you see what I mean?

amother

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 10:38 am

What a terrible thing for her to tell you!
I know it's easier said than done, but when someone tells you something you have to either believe it and deal with it, or let it go in one ear and out the other.
If you think she was totally off, just ignore it.

Blossom

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 10:44 am

Since one does someone know better than YOU what's in YOUR heart? Confused

I think as rosycheecks and amother said..........In through one ear and out the other.

I think you are doing an amazing wonderful job. I am truly amazed by you. I think you are inspiring to many other women on this site.

gold21

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 11:06 am

How nasty! Maybe she wants to support your family so that you can stay at home with the kids if she takes issue with your lifestyle!

chavamom

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 11:23 am

Hmm - someone can toss their baggage at you, but you certainly don't have to agree to shlep it!

"Not my baggage ma'am!"

mimivan

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 11:32 am

I am trying to comprehend what people hope to achieve by making such remarks except to hurt.

How can they possibly be constructive since, our life situations will not automatically change...you work, I work, if we didn't work, we wouldn't be able to put food on the table. Will their heartless comments change anything?

They can only make us feel miserable if we let them, so why not get revenge and refuse to let those comments make us feel bad.

Such people do not understand, nor want to understand, how other people live or their situations.

I feel sorry for them (nah, not really Wink

)

Last edited by mimivan on Thu, Oct 18 2007, 10:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

greenfire

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 4:19 pm

she is just insecure in herself ... you are doing a GREAT job Cheers

... try to let the stuff she says repel away ... she knows nutin ...

faigie

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 6:46 pm

ouch,, even if she is nuts its not a comfortable thing to deal with.
I dont know her or her situation, but could be some projection being thrown at you there.
my adivce?
DUCK!

bashinda

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 8:18 pm

how horrible! and completely illogical. What? all single mothers who invariably have to work (which single mothers do you know have the luxury of not working?) shouldn't raise their kids frum, ch"v? Like, WHATEVER. It should be a tikkun and I'd continue trying to stay far far away from her. Sorry you had to listen to her though.

chavamom

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 8:21 pm

I like the idea of suggesting to her that maybe she'd like to support you so you can stay home with your kids - since she's so concerned Wink

Mitzvahmom

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 8:23 pm

this is not the kind if person I would want constantly in my life..

She's overly and beyond a place for everything and everything has a place.

Mitzvahmom

Tue, Oct 16 2007, 8:30 pm

I think I sat there shocked....

So she said, "now this is coming to you as a mother figure and as a friend. I do not mean to hurt you just state how I feel and see things."

Another volunteer walked in after she had left, and I must have looked dazed. She came over and said, "ru ok dear?"

I told her what had happened, and she hugged me and said "do not listen to her and do not worry she's quitting."

I guess relieved that hopefully she will not be back.

RedRuby

Wed, Oct 17 2007, 10:13 pm

Quote:

I do not mean to hurt you just state how I feel and see things

How utterly rude and insensitive!

Give yourself a huge hug and a pat on the back for being the wonderful YOU that you are.

Don't ya just wish you could tell her how you feel and see things (re: her)??