BIrthday party uninvited...WANT TO CRY

amother

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 5:57 pm

happymom wrote:

Quote:

(because she is quiet).

hu??? Poor girl! is there any other school she can go to?

Oh, the situation is even worse than the b-day parties. We have spoken with the principal and executive director about the kids being mean to my daughter and they both have said basically there is nothing that can be done, the other girls are mean to my daughter because she is quiet. And that my daughter is mean to them because she doesn't talk to these girls. When we asked if she could sit with my daughter in a grade above so that she would have someone to talk to during lunch, the principal said no, that it would set a bad precedent for other grades. My daughter says nothing to anyone in the school what goes on, because she doesn't want these girls to get in trouble. I guess in this school, it is better to be mean than it is to be quiet and that is what the school encourages. No other school to send her to. Although, I'm highly considering homeschooling her.

southernbubby

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 6:13 pm

Some kids do need help socially but it goes both ways. I remember a very quiet boy that I went to junior high with. We kids forced him to sit and study with us and open up and be friendly. His mother told me years later how much she appreciated it. Teach your kids to reach out to quiet kids and draw them out. Quiet kids need to learn how to socialize or they appear standoffish. Homeschooling is a whole lot better than allowing a child to be made to suffer for years because they are not social butterflies.

Lechatchila Ariber

Wed, Jun 13 2007, 7:06 pm

mumsy23 wrote:

Mitzvahmom wrote:

this happened to my daughter, evidently one of the girls invited told my daughter about the party. So my daughter went up to the girl having the party and politely asked, what can I bring to the party?

The mother called me that night and said, "um I knwo this is going to sound horrible, but my daughter is having a birthday party and I limited it to 3 girls. Your daughter was not invited, and she went up to my daughter today and asked what to bring. I just wanted to be certain you were not bringing her because she was not invited."

I just said, no my daughter did not mention it to me. Crying

But I hugged my daughter that night and said I love her and I am sorry that this happened to her. She wants to have a party now, but I do not have space for a ton of kids to come to my home. Sad

I do nto believe in select invites though!!

But the girl only invited 3 girls out of the whole class... I don't think that is the worst thing in the world. I mean, I don't know how big your daughter's class is, but if it is a normal size class (which is what I gathered from a class picture you once showed us) then what is wrong with a kid inviting her three closest friends? She shouldn't celebrate her birthday if she can't invite the whole class?

true but like Mrs xyz said, would one more girl make a difference?
ok so its not so terrible if she only invited 3 girls but if this fourth girl made a mistake, have a heart and let her feel invited.... Sad

I think its shocking and nasty that the mother rang to say not to bring her
shock

and like someone else mentioned it reminds me of the story of kamtza and bar kamtza Exploding anger

about the father that told the mother her daughter was too quiet I think that even this far down the track you should have a word to the father and tell him what you think...at least to get it off your chest

amother

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 2:17 am

Growing up, my parents would let me invite up to 6 kids to a birthday party. No more...

I don't think its always so bad to not invite the whole class- I never would have invited the whole class (12 girls) even if my parents had allowed me to, because some of the girls I just couldnt stand (I was bullied a lot in school) and why should I have them there on my special day? So I can be bullied at my own birthday party as well?

For my kids, iy'h, small birthday parties, and obviously invites not given out in school. And if anyone asks me why their kids werent invited, I'd say because I said my kid could invite __ friends, and he picked his/her ___ closest friends.

southernbubby

Thu, Jun 14 2007, 11:34 pm

Some of our children's birthdays did not lend themselves to parties. One of our children was born on the 8th of Av and another on the 8th of Tishrei. The communities that we raised our children in did not have birthday parties by
invitation only.
What we had instead were Tzivos Hashem gatherings in honor of the birthday or melava malkas, siyums, Shabbos groups, etc. and goodies for the class at school. We made sure that the non-frum kids in the neighborhood were made to feel welcome. If kids brought their brothers and sisters it was fine. No one was uninvited.
One of our son's birthdays is on Chol Ha Moed Succos and when he was little, we made a Tzivos Hashem gathering in the Sukkah and when he was older it was a simchas beis hashoeva farbrangen. We tried to get as many people as possible to come. This is the way of a true simcha.

faigie

Fri, Jun 15 2007, 1:19 pm

[quote="EstiS"][quote="mumsy23"][quote="Mitzvahmom"]this happened to my daughter, evidently one of the girls invited told my daughter about the party. So my daughter went up to the girl having the party and politely asked, what can I bring to the party?

The mother called me that night and said, "um I knwo this is going to sound horrible, but my daughter is having a birthday party and I limited it to 3 girls. Your daughter was not invited, and she went up to my daughter today and asked what to bring. I just wanted to be certain you were not bringing her because she was not invited."

IMHO.................................................?

-----dopey mom,,, here was a girl with such nice midos,, she asked what SHE could bring to the party........ birthday girls mom should have thanked her lucky stars to have fallen on such a great playmate for her kid.

southernbubby

Fri, Jun 15 2007, 2:18 pm

Sometimes there could be friction between children in a class and the birthday child does not want the child that she dislikes. There are also some children who are a real handful and would stress out the mother making the birthday party.
In the first case, the issue should be worked out between the kids so that the child can attend the party. In the second case, the mother of the difficult child should either stay, or be available to come and get the child if she becomes disruptive.
Whenever one of those 2 problems occur, the mother of the birthday child may try to concoct an excuse that only 3 can come.

ganizzy

Fri, Jun 15 2007, 3:18 pm

if you have a big class like 30 kids I dont think you have to invite everyone, but have something small for a few kids.

some of the schools here have a policy that there can only be b-day parties in the school and they can only bring x,yand z. this way noone feels bad they werent invited, the parents dont have to spend tonz of money or feel pressured that they have to. and the kids are getting some ruchnuis bec the teacher (and the parent?) are running it.

I know of a father that wouldnt let his daughter attend a friends birthday bec this friend invited all the girls besides one. he said hell call the teacher and let her know whats going on, but unless ALL the kids are invited his daughter cant join in such a horrible thing. the daughter was 6.

growing up we would bring in something for the class during lunch and then invite one or 2 friends to supper that was made special for the birthday child - their favorite supper and dessert.

amother

Sun, Aug 19 2007, 5:34 pm

One of my fondest memories of my dad is the following story.
I was not one of the popular girls in school, and when Bar Mitzvah season came around, I was not invited to alot of them (Co-ed school, beside the point, save it for another thread).
Anyway, when one of the boys, let's call him Michael, made his Bar Mitzvah, he invited me, and most of my unpopular friends. We were all so excited, planning what to wear etc. Only one girl, let's call her Rachel, was not invited.
I had mentioned to my parents how all us unpopular girls were so happy to be going to this thing, but poor Rachel was not. My dad, without my knowledge, called Michael's parents, and offerred to pay if they would invite Rachel. They did, and none of us ever knew what had happened. We thought her invitation just got lost, or was late for some reason. It was years later that my mother told me.
I thought that was such a sweet, thought ful thing for my dad to do for one 13 year old little girl.

greentiger

Mon, Aug 20 2007, 2:53 am

Wow I can't believe this thread! It makes me so sad to see how kids can treat each other, and what's worse is that the parents see nothing wrong with it or even encourage it...
I don't know what I would do if it were my daughter who was obviously uninvited, but it must be an awful thing to go through.. My heart goes out to them.
This brings back so many childhood memories, I guess things never really change... Nasty kids turn into nasty adults, they just learn how to hide it better. Sad

Lechatchila Ariber

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 7:15 pm

amother wrote:

what a special thing for you to know about your father.
thanks for sharing Smile