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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
proudmomma
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Sun, Feb 17 2019, 7:08 pm
I live in a different neighborhood then majority of my family. Whenever there is a Shabbos Simcha _even a small kiddush in shul_ no one ever reaches out to invite us. Many family members are limited in space. However, they don't even offer to help us find accommodations or invite us for a meal.
I feel very hurt that no one even cares that we will be missing the Simcha.
Am I justified for feeling this way?
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amother
Orange
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Sun, Feb 17 2019, 7:45 pm
sorry you are having to deal with this!
can you reach out to whoever you are closest with and let them know how you feel? And brainstorm some solutions if necessary.
hopefully you can be included more!
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proudmomma
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Sun, Feb 17 2019, 9:54 pm
amother wrote: | sorry you are having to deal with this!
can you reach out to whoever you are closest with and let them know how you feel? And brainstorm some solutions if necessary.
hopefully you can be included more! |
Thanks for replying! I know I can reach out but, it bothers me that no one initiates.
It's like I don't matter
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EishesYo
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 3:02 am
its so hard not to be a part of the simcha and to feel like no one notices...
I totally hear you!
maybe they just are not thinking... people get busy with the lives .... being a jewish mom is busying! very possible they didnt think about it and need you to mention something to get their gears in motion!
like can you ask if any neighbors are away the week of the simcha or if someone has an extra room for you?
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proudmomma
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 2:21 pm
EishesYo wrote: | its so hard not to be a part of the simcha and to feel like no one notices...
I totally hear you!
maybe they just are not thinking... people get busy with the lives .... being a jewish mom is busying! very possible they didnt think about it and need you to mention something to get their gears in motion!
like can you ask if any neighbors are away the week of the simcha or if someone has an extra room for you? |
The thing is, I don't want to have to ask. I want them to inquire about my plans & then if they can ,offer any assistance. It bothers me because when the roles are reversed I always offer my help. I feel like that's the proper thing to do.
Do I have unrealistic expectations?
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amother
Orange
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 3:07 pm
I don't blame you for feeling that way. The problem seems that that is not working. So I would talk to whoever I am closest with and tell them how I feel. Maybe she will be so sorry and surprised and there was some miscommunication somewhere and you will feel much better! And have a better situation going forward. Some people expect others to reach out so they don't feel pressured to come...you never know. hopefully it will work out in a way that you will feel included loved understood welcome and happy. Some people wrongly or rightly are just not initiators...and some people are barely taking care of their own stuff...(not an excuse just a reality oftentimes)
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ra_mom
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 3:20 pm
That must hurt so much!
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thunderstorm
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Mon, Feb 18 2019, 3:29 pm
OP, it could be very hurtful. For a time my DHs family wouldn't notify us when there was a family simcha. If his sibling had a child nobody called to tell us. I let the SIL I was closest to know that we feel left out and hurt that nobody bothered to call to tell us about the simcha. Ever since then she made it her duty to make sure that "somebody" calls us with the news.
Tell one family member who you feel closest to. Or if it's DHs family you can ask him to talk to his sibling he's closest to and tell them you would like invites in the future. I think asking them to pressure themselves to find you places to stay each time might be asking too much and maybe since they know you have such expectations it's easier for them not to invite at all because they find it too stressful. Find out if that's the case. Make it clear you want to be invited and that you appreciate if they find you a place but they don't HAVE to . Then it's up to you to decide if you will join them.
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