So done with homework

amother

Azure

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 2:19 pm

This is a vent.

I'm sick and tired of homework. I resent this nightly struggle that pits me against my children. I resent forcing my exhausted children, who spent a long day sitting at a desk, to come home and spend the last hours of their day sitting at another desk. I resent the implication that down time is not important for them.

I don't think 90% of the homework assigned is necessary or valuable. School is the place for reviewing what was learned yesterday. I don't believe there is a correlation between long-term success in reading, math, or phonics, and spending hours every week completing those exercises at home.

I think it's unhelpful for homework to be a "thing," that if a child doesn't complete properly or fully or bring back to school neatly in a folder and signed, they are made to feel ashamed and incapable. Yes, being organized is an important skill. Teach it, and let's work on it together, but please let's not moralize it.

Don't create a situation that forces me to set aside 2-3 hours every night (cumulatively among all the kids), dedicating myself to first, third, fifth and seventh grade work. I completed those grades years ago, as well as college and beyond, and even if I weren't out of patience, the troops are starving and I have to make supper and I'm just one person. I can't listen to psukim, English reading, and kriah with a slew of kids all at the same time.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

flowerpower

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 2:49 pm

Starting from 3rd grade I train my kids to do homework by themselves. It makes a big difference. I sit in the room and guide them with whatever help they need. But they are taught not to be dependant on me. I saw how one sibling was struggling with her dd until high school or so and I promised myself not to let it happen here. Kids need to learn to be responsible for their own things.

keym

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:04 pm

flowerpower wrote:

My 3rd-6th graders do most of their homework alone. But there is an insane amount of "testing them" that is being assigned.
They get review sheets and are told to ask "someone" (meaning Mommy) to test them on vocabulary, chumash, history, yedios klallios etc.
And it gets worse and worse as they get older. My dd when she was in 6th grade was told that the way you study is 1) read the material inside 2) read your notes 3) look over your review sheet 4) have someone test you. And I had to sign that she did all 4 parts for every test. Which meant I'm sitting there testing her on the bones in the leg, the capital cities in beach country in Europe, what each of the kelim in the mishkan was made out of.

OP, I agree.

clowny

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:07 pm

Op, as a mother of a lot of school girls I couldn’t agree with you more. I think homework should be banned!
The only homework I find necessary is for first or second graders, where everything is still new to them and they do need lots of practice plus it’s important for a mother to see how they are doing. And I think 2-3 days a week is enough for that.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:08 pm

I agree! Besides for the stress it puts on me during busy afternoons, I feel bad taking away their limited downtime. My daughter is 6 years old and doesn’t get home until 4 pm. She needs to do her homework, bathe, and eat supper. And then get to bed at a reasonable hour. Can’t she have some time to play?

She is smart and can complete her homework pretty quickly, but I really feel bad that she can’t have more time to relax and be a kid.

ra_mom

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:10 pm

flowerpower wrote:

There are first graders who come home and do their homework on their own easily. And then there are middle schoolers who are still struggling with homework because of their own makeup.
How do you train such kids who don't have their own executive functionality and comprehension, to be able to be independent?

Last edited by ra_mom on Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:15 pm; edited 1 time in total

thunderstorm

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 3:15 pm

Am I the only mother that doesn't do the homework with her kids? The lemudei kodesh is usually my DHs headache and the secular studies I review the work they do and sign it. If they need some advice as how to do something I assist otherwise they are left to do homeowork themselves. If they don't cooperate , they don't get their homework signed and suffer the consequences in school. But maybe that's because I only have boys in school. I have a feeling that when my daughter goes to school I'll be tied down to it a lot more.

mha3484

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 4:24 pm

I wondered it this was a boy/girl thing. I only have one boy in second grade who is old enough to get homework but its usually one sheet for limudei kodesh and his rebbe tries to make it fun and varied each night. He is in a different school for part of the morning and afternoon so he and DH learn the pesukim he missed so that he will not fall behind.

His special ed program for the afternoon gives homework for him because he can handle it. Its usually a math sheet and some reading and answering questions. He mainly does it himself and I look it over when hes done.

flowerpower

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 4:33 pm

ra_mom wrote:

I worked really hard with my fourth grader. Like really hard. She is the type to space out and forget what she had to do. I gave her a limit until what time I will sign her homework sheet and kept reminding her about it. I told her to do the easiest homework first and go from there. After she did all her homework she read each one loud and had to check it its done. If it said “bring library books” she had to go up and get them( not when she is in bed and suddenly remembers). She had a chumash test this week. I taught her how to study on her own for it. I sat in the room and guided her. It only took 2 hours and 5 breaks. We’re getting there....
My 2nd grader has comprehention issues so I’m bracing myself for whats to come. But I am with op on the too much homework train! I think the estimated homework per kid should be a certain amount per night. I’m thankful that my kids don’t have any homework on Thursdays. It definitely makes my night easier.

amother

Gray

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 4:42 pm

amother wrote:

My daughter is the same age and she gets home close to 5! (and leaves the house before 8!!)
With a 7:30 bedtime there isn't much time for play (although I let her have as much as possible because she really needs it)
For a six year old, that's a pretty long day and hectic schedule.
She was actually sick recently and missed a few days of school... when she went back to school she told me she misses being sick because she had a whole week with no homework! This from a kid who likes school...

amother

Natural

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 5:42 pm

Yeah, I hate homework too, and what's more, studies don't support its efficacy. So....why?????????

That said, the teachers in my kids' schools are very understanding. They're open to parents saying that the homework is too much for that particular child, and they are always willing to give modified homework, allow skip days, stuff like that. I like that it's teacher- sanctioned, so it doesn't give the kids the impression that we just do whatever we want. They always emphasize that if homework is becoming too stressful or interfering with the parent- child relationship, they expect to be contacted to make alternate arrangements.

ra_mom

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 5:56 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I'd love a more detailed breakdown of what you mean. I feel like I have to break everything down in my head, things I don't usually think about, in order to model.

amother

Coral

Wed, Feb 20 2019, 6:21 pm

You can find studies to support both sides of any issue. I've seen studies that show benefits of daily homework.
That said, I believe no more than a minimal amount is needed with very little parental input. (Except in the case of new or struggling readers, they do need someone to listen and guide their reading for fluency.)