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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
amother
Magenta
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Sun, Mar 03 2019, 6:47 am
One of my boys has a bar mitzvah coming up the Sunday before Rosh Hashanah (in 2020).
- We live in E"Y and will have family coming in from abroad.
- He would like to layn and have some sort of celebration for friends and family.
- Some of our family is not religious, and some of our family is observant.
- The observant and non-observant factions do not get along.
I am toying with various options:
1. Having the bar-mitzvah on the day he actually becomes a bar mitzvah (or rather that evening), and having him layn on Rosh Hashanah. Pros: Close to actual day; family gone before YK; family will have vacation. Cons: He'll have to learn a special te`amim, which he will not be able to use for other parshiot; People who are not staying locally will not be there; Loooong davening will be frustrating for non-religious guests; We will have to figure out how to host many meals; expensive to travel.
2. Go to kotel the Monday after he turns bar mitzvah, save Shabbat layning and celebration for after the chaggim. Pros: No holiday meals to host, easier logistics. Cons: event is weeks after he turns bar mitzvah and may seem less significant; Family will not want to be at both events due to expense; Family not on vacation.
I have ruled out the option where we have a large celebration between RH and YK, as many hold that this is not an appropriate time to have a simcha.
So... what would you do? Any creative ideas? All help would be appreciated.
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Kumphort
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Sun, Mar 03 2019, 7:16 am
There is a concept of a boy getting Maftir the shabbos before his BM. Look and see if that works for you.
You can have a shabbos let him get maftir a party Sunday night and he can Leon by the kotel Monday morning for those relatives coming from abroad
How important is a shabbos even. Y not have just a party on Sunday night and let him Lein Monday am?
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amother
Slateblue
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Sun, Mar 03 2019, 7:26 am
My brother had this. My parents made a celebration the Thursday night before. He can lein Monday. (You didn't say what day RH starts) so if there is time for people to fly back before Yom tov if they want.
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amother
Magenta
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Sun, Mar 03 2019, 8:53 am
amother wrote: | My brother had this. My parents made a celebration the Thursday night before. He can lein Monday. (You didn't say what day RH starts) so if there is time for people to fly back before Yom tov if they want. |
RH starts on Shabbat (Fri night) in 2020. So RH = Shabbat + Sunday.
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amother
Magenta
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Sun, Mar 03 2019, 10:20 am
Kumphort wrote: | There is a concept of a boy getting Maftir the shabbos before his BM. Look and see if that works for you.
You can have a shabbos let him get maftir a party Sunday night and he can Leon by the kotel Monday morning for those relatives coming from abroad
How important is a shabbos even. Y not have just a party on Sunday night and let him Lein Monday am? |
I think he was looking forward to leining a full parsha and haftorah.
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amother
Magenta
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 2:38 am
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amother
Coral
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 3:09 am
I would separate things.
As per my husband (who teaches Bar Mitzvah boys how to lein) the difference between the trop for Rosh Hashana and regular is not that difficult, once he has learned the standard taamim. (He also teaches boys Torah & Megillah).
So I would have your son lein on Monday, when the relatives are there, and have a family (and friends?) party that day/night.
Then I would have him lein the full Parsha on Rosh Hashana itself, and that will be the time you make a Kiddush for the community.
Although it is important for your non-religious family to celebrate Rosh Hashana, I do not believe you must make them come to davening. At most you can tell them what time Kriyas Hatorah will actually be and have them come. (You should make sure to blow the shofar for them, though - that is the most important mitzvah of the day. Perhaps your son can even learn to do this.)
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mo5
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 3:41 am
The parsha he leins on Monday and on Rosh Hashana will be different parshios.
He can Lein Monday, do the whole party then and Leib on the shabbos between Rh and Yk, which is when they’ll Lein the parsha he Leined on the Monday (haazinu, I’m guessing) without an event.
Not everyone has to be there for the long leining
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amother
Blue
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 3:58 am
Just as an aside - if you save the Shabbos leining and celebrations till after the Yomim Tovim, you'll be competing with everyone else who put theirs on hold over Tishri too!
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amother
Black
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 6:54 am
Please check with your shul whether they would let a bar mitzvah boy lein on Rosh Hashanah. Many shuls have specific people set for yamim noraim, and specific requirements for who can lein.
I like the Monday idea for family. It could be a great experience for all your relatives. Make an event out of it, and have a nice breakfast/brunch afterward. Expect relatives to come for Shabbos, though, and anticipate having them for meals. Meanwhile, you could also talk to your shul to find an open Shabbos and have him learn to lein that week's parsha, and hold a kiddush and/or lunch for friends. We have don split events like this for family and friends due to dates, and it worked our beautifully.
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amother
Azure
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 8:55 am
We've been discussing this for ages, as my ds' Bar Mitzvah is the same week! We probably have different logistics and community norms, but here are my thoughts:
Making the Bar Mitzvah on Rosh Hashanah is not feasible for many reasons: the shul would not let a Bar Mitzvah lein, having lots of guests in shul on RH (when you have to pay for seats) would be extremely expensive, pple like to daven in their own shul, and when davening is over on RH everyone wants to go home, not go to a Bar Mitzvah kiddush.
The Shabbos between RH and YK(I had not heard it's inappropriate to make a simcha then, check with your Rav if a BM that week is a problem) could work, but keep in mind that Sunday is Erev YK, which could be a problem with guests' travel home.
The other Shabbos alternative is to wait until after the YT season is over. Book the shul/hall now before someone else does! There is the advantage or splitting the 2 parts of the celebration (bo bayom and Shabbos) and maybe the pple in the family who don't get along could come to different parts.
Mazel Tov and Hatzlacha working out the details!
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amother
Linen
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 10:12 am
Lein Monday morning, and follow up with a festive brunch for the whole family. That's it, thanks everyone for coming.
Then have him lein the full parsha on shabbat shuva (or just the haftorah, whatever he wants) and hold a kiddush at shul. The religious relatives are welcome to join.
I don't think most shuls will be open to letting a bar mitzvah boy lein on Rosh Hashana.
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amother
Magenta
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Tue, Mar 05 2019, 2:09 pm
amother wrote: | Lein Monday morning, and follow up with a festive brunch for the whole family. That's it, thanks everyone for coming.
Then have him lein the full parsha on shabbat shuva (or just the haftorah, whatever he wants) and hold a kiddush at shul. The religious relatives are welcome to join.
I don't think most shuls will be open to letting a bar mitzvah boy lein on Rosh Hashana. |
I think you may not understand the situation with the non-religious relatives:
They would love to hear my son lein in shul. To them, this is an important component of any bar mitzvah. They may grumble about the length of davening, but they will want to be there. I am worried that if the two "parts" are split far apart in time, they will want to be here for both, but then they may be stuck here for Yom Kippur.
And the celebration should include my son's friends, who probably cannot come to a weekday brunch on a schoolday.
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