DS refuses to shop- advice needed

amother

Indigo

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 4:59 pm

DS badly needs clothing. He is 14 and grew alot the past few months. It rained friday night, he only has one suit and it wasn't wearable shabbos day. We discussed countless times in the past that he needs more clothing.

The problem is that ds hates to shop. I offered to take only him shopping and come directly home. He refused. DS suggested that I shop online. I tried that already in the past. Since ds wears adult size clothing, I find it impossible to shop online when I don't know how his size and how each brand fits.

When is needed new Tzises I had to but them on my own he refused and happily wear tzisis that's a bit to big.

I am sure others went through this with their own boys. Looking for advice.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:02 pm

Work out his size. Buy what you think is right either online in store on condition ot can be taken back. Buy a few examples. Have him try on at home. Return what is no good.

Gam ze yaavor.

amother

Red

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:04 pm

Shop in stores (including online) that have a good return policy. Buy a large selection in a variety of sizes, and have him try everything at home.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:13 pm

I have tried that. I purchased multiple blazers. They didn't work. 10 min in a store we got a blazer that fit and didn't need alterations. I made a stop on the way home from Yeshiva and walked Into the store. It took us 15 min to come in

Same thing with pants. The cut for each brand/style pants is different. DS is husky and wear men's clothing. He needs the waist, but slim legs. I made huge purchases for summer pants for him last year and had to return almost everything. Bh one brand/size worked. (These were pull on summer pants) It's so much work to shop online and return when I have no clue how the brand runs

amother

Indigo

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:18 pm

ra_mom wrote:

Can you buy the same brand as what he has now, just one size up?

His current pants (that needs to be replaced asap) is the largest kids husky. It's stretched out and a new pair won't fit.

He has one suit works for him. I got it in a Jewish store. I tried buying the same pants size online, but since it's a different brand it doesn't work.

Also, when the order did show up, its a major hassle to get DS to try it. He goes to his room and comes out holding the pants in his hand telling me it doesn't fit. I dont even get the opportunity to see if its the size or style.

I will place another order tonight and daven.

ra_mom

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:20 pm

I know how frustrating it can be! But you're right not to make it into a battle. Hashem should make it easy on you and the clothes should look great on him!

amother

Indigo

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:21 pm

amother wrote:

what would he otherwise be doing during the timeslot you've schedule for shopping?

I took away his phone for 2 hours today since I was upset that he refused to spend one hour shopping. He read a book instead.

roses

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:25 pm

I don't have any brilliant advice, but just want to say that I feel for you. Many boys are impossible this way

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 5:26 pm

I'm assuming you've tried incentives/bribery. What worked for us at this stage was for his father to take him instead of me. Send them to a store that knows what they're doing so they get the right size, deal with them maybe spending more or less or buying different quality than you would. It sounds ridiculous that this would work bases on the attitude, but it really does.

DrMom

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 6:08 pm

Maybe he us embarrassed about his size (you said he is husky). It's no fun shopping when nothing fits.

Don't punish him. Maybe you can make shopping part of some quality time together with him.

If you can find just one store that carries his size, it will be a less frustrating experience.

Kumphort

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 6:25 pm

No advice. But same issue with my 14 YO who is well into men’s sizes but quickly changing sizes. Suits need to be bought in person and tailored and then tried on again and possible adjusted again

I think you need to pick a day and that day is just non negotiable and make sure he knows it. Throws in a trip for Ice cream or something else. But thank god there are a lot less options for boys then girls and if they are not picky then that’s one less battle you are fighting.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 6:29 pm

Have your husband take him shopping. When my kids won't listen to reason, I tell my husband to get involved. Where is your husband in all this?

amother

Puce

Sun, Mar 17 2019, 6:48 pm

Perhaps you can pre-shop for him. If you bring along that one suit to the store and then the clerk can help you find some more likely options. Then you bring him back and he can try those on quickly at the store, without having his "precious" time wasted.

As you may be able to tell, I have had this situation.