Appropriate sleepwear for yeshivish teen girl

amother

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:41 pm

Hi, we are a middle of the road yeshivish Lakewood family, so I would most appropriate answers from like minded mothers....What does your daughter wear to sleep at home and at a sleepover or sleep away camp/seminary? How much tznius do you request from sleep wear?

When I was in a very rw BY seminary I had roommates who wore everything from only nightgowns to very revealing little strappy pj tops with tiny matching shorts. I found the skimpy PJs in a public setting a little odd, but never really thought much into it until my teen daughter seems to want to push limits with pajamas to fit in (no other tznius issues b"H). I think big t-shirt with leggings etc is appropriate, but less than that makes me uncomfortable. What is now the norm?

amother

Copper

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:44 pm

Fellow lkwd'er here - I say let her sleep in wtvr she wants. Especially bec she doesn't seem to have other tznius issues. If u have teenage sons and it makes u uncomfortable, ask her to put on a robe when she leaves her room..

amother

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:46 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Ok thanks, can you explain why? What does your daughter wear? Is very skimpy sleepwear the norm, and I'm just not aware?

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

... from only nightgowns to very revealing little strappy pj tops with tiny matching shorts.

Midde of the road yeshivish here. The above doesnt sound crazy at all Leggings, tshirts, tank tops, shorts, it all goes when it comes to pajamas. Theyre pajamas, worn in private. If she wants to feel more funky, let her. Obviously if it looks like lacy lingerie then thats weird lol.
If its a skimpy tank top/shorts id ask her not to walk around the house without something on top.

amother

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:56 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Oversized T-shirts and leggings

Thank you, that's what I thought and obviously am very comfortable with that. Why the need for short, tight, tiny t-shirt? I am so confused as her friends are not the ones pushing limits. If that is still the norm, who is she trying to impress?

pesek zman

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe she wants to feel good about her body, and not hide it under baggy pjs. If she’s back from seminary than she’s an adult and she should decide for herself what to sleep in

amother

Tan

Tue, May 21 2019, 12:59 pm

OP, I totally hear your discomfort. At the same time, I would not push it. There's nothing technically wrong with wearing skimpy PJs. You can insist that she limit them to her room and put a robe or skirt/sweatshirt on if she leaves.

Personally, I slept in an oversized t-shirt and PJ pants as a teenager, but I had friends who wore very low-cut t-shirts, tank tops, etc.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:52 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:00 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

Gosh, now I'm really confused...I don't want to put weird demands on her, but skimpy little PJs are normal outside of marriage? That just makes me uncomfortable, I mean Hashem is everywhere, right? When do we say "this is our family's standard," or just drop something that makes the parents uncomfortable so we don't make issues where they don't need to be made?

stillnewlywed

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:02 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Is part of the problem here a lack of stores/businesses that sell appealing and tznius sleepwear for girls?

I don't think so. Teens don't buy pajamas in Jewish stores.

stillnewlywed

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:04 pm

As long as she doesn't come out of her room in pajamas, what's the difference?
It hasn't been so long since I've been in your kids shoes...everyone in my RW BY wore regular t-shirts and leggings. I rarely saw tank tops and shorts though.

FranticFrummie

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:05 pm

Don't think too hard on it. PJs are not for running around the house, they are what you put on right before you get under the covers.

The girls might just be wearing whatever is best for moderating their body temperature. As long as they are tznius outside the bedroom, I don't see what it matters.

amother

Tan

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The idea that Hashem is everywhere is more of a Chassidish idea. The basic understanding of מלא כל הארץ כבודו is that Hashem created this world for His כבוד. I don't think this needs to come up when discussing pajamas.

You need to strike a balance with teenagers. This just hits that side of the balance that should say "let it go." The line would be walking out of her room in the skimpy pajamas.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:52 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:09 pm

Ok, here is another question...for those of you sending your teens to camp every summer, or seminary, how much emphasis is she putting on PJs? I do t remember them being the biggest deal to me, but are your daughters buying like five to eight pairs, and making sure they are exceptionally cute to fit in, or are a bunch of leggings and random big tshirts sufficient?

pesek zman

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You could tell her anything you want. Though not yeshivish I had a BY type education so of course I/we/she knows Hashem is everywhere. But are you trying to tell her that Gd doesn’t want her body to show, not even while asleep? Let her have this outlet: even if you didn’t need it maybe she does. Focus on Halacha and let her find her own chumros/sensitivities as she gets older

pesek zman

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Respectfully, your focusing too much on what other people do. Your daughter is an individual and She seems to need this to fit in, why does it matter what everyone else is doing

FranticFrummie

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Contact the camp directly, and ask them what is appropriate sleepwear. She'll be really upset if she shows up with skimpy clothes, and all the other girls are wearing more covering. She'll be even more upset if the camp staff tell her that she can't wear all of her new outfits.

amother

Tue, May 21 2019, 1:14 pm

Ok, thanks everyone, I appreciate all the insight. I feel like some sort of weird extremist for my "sensitivities", lol, but I won't make an issue out of it!