How to plan when expecting a baby that week?

Raisin

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 2:01 pm

Why don't you make the bar mitzva later? I don't think the boy has to lain on a specific shabbos. There is supposed to be a seuda on his birthday but that can be a class party with bagels or hot dogs.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 2:12 pm

Raisin wrote:

I have only girls but that is what I would do.

thunderstorm

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 2:21 pm

My old neighbor had her oldest son's Bar Mitzvah seuda the night before her newborns bris . It took place in the house. It covered both the vacht nacht and the Bar Mitzvah. It was strictly for immediate family only and no kids were invited besides for her own kids. She had cooked and baked in advance and froze everything. Her DH and sisters helped set up. She had cleaning help that day and the day after. Neighbors came by to say Mazal Tov. They had some cookies and cake for the neighbors and friends (standing room only, no chairs or tables set up). The mother wore a sheitel, makeup and a pretty Shabbos robe. Nobody thought any less of her . This was a Chasidish simcha.
You can postpone the Shabbos Kiddush to your own convenience and the same goes for the seuda itself , if that suits you better. This woman found it easier this way . She said it was zero pressure, no stressing over what to wear post partum, nobody had expectations and she killed two birds with one stone.

rachelmom1

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 2:25 pm

BTDT. Offered my son to have it earlier/later or risk having one or both parents miss the Shabbos. He opted to have his bar mitzvah on time. Thankfully the baby opted to arrive a week late :-)

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 2:55 pm

Raisin wrote:

Some boys start learning to lein the parsha a year in advance. If that is the case, the Bar Mitzvah boy may have been learning for a few months before his mother knew the due date, which makes it not so easy to switch to a different week.

IYH the timing will work out, but if it was me I would arrange for a doula or someone else to go to the hospital with me if I went into labor on Friday night or Shabbos morning so that my husband could be at the Bar Mitzvah. It would be much more important for my son to have his father there. We do live walking distance to the hospital so my husband could come after shul, but it's something to consider.

Also, what day of the week is his bo bayom? Maybe you can arrange for you son to lein during Shacharis on Monday or Thursday so that you can go, in case you miss the Bar Mitzvah?

amother

Mustard

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 4:16 pm

You make two plans.

Plan A: Didn't have the baby yet: Go to shul even if you feel like a bobbing ship at sea.

Plan B: Husband goes, wife in labor / in hospital / at home with newborn. Arrange for someone to be with you if your husband is with your son.

Let your son know you'll do your best to be there, and DH will IY"H be there. Don't tell him this now, but if you miss it, do your best to make it up to him in another way.

May this be your biggest problem - so many simchos it's hard to be at them all!

(I ended up giving birth 2 days after my son's Bar Mitzvah, and the party was a few hours drive away so the grandparents could be there! I decided to take the risk and go.)

Besha'ah Tovah!

amother

Thu, Jun 13 2019, 8:19 pm

A lot of good thoughts. Thank you. His bo bayom is actually on Shabbos and planned on making a night party too. I don't plan on saying anything for a while, because we have months to go....

ROFL

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 9:47 pm

Usually boys start learning their bar mitzvah parsha about two years before they become 13. Mothers don’t know they are due that week till about 9 months before that day.

Raisin wrote:

amother

Brunette

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:20 pm

My sons friend just had this. His mother went in Friday night of his bar mitzvah
I don’t know them - but this is what he told me
She arranged before hand to have someone other then her husband go in. He husband stayed behind for the leining.
It sounds like they did a weekday party and Shabbos was just a kiddush. And she hired people to setup and cleanup so no one needed her.
I think they also only made a men’s kiddush but I’m not 100% sure about that.
The bar mitzvah boy had a great story to share after Shabbos and he didn’t sound like he felt he had lost out.

(We started Leung 6 months in advance was told this is standard. But some boys become attached or connected to their paraha even before that).

amother

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:37 pm

My son started his parsha so I don't think we will be changing that. Before writing this thread, I thought there is no way I will be missing his laining and kiddush. I have never been induced bH. I don't know how to even plan the evening party. When I suggested to my husband that we should push that off too, my husband didn't see a need at this time to make the decision. The million dollar question, how will I decide? If I have a boy on my due date, shalom zachor will be shabbos of bar mitzva and baby will be 3 days old by laining! I will stay calm and iyH all will work out.

yerushamama

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:45 pm

I gave birth 2 1/2 weeks early - the night before my son's bar mitzva. The idea that it would be so early hadn't even occurred to me, so we hadn't discussed the possibility with him. A friend drove me over for a short time to wish him a mazel tov, and then I returned to the hospital. I told him it was all his fault, after all he had requested a baby brother when we asked what he wanted for his bar mitzva! Laugh

The nicest thing about it was that my grandmother was there for the bris, from overseas (since she had come for the bar mitzva) when we named for my zeidy - the first child named for her husband.