My 5 year old son...

amother

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 3:11 pm

My 5 year old son is an adorable sweet and happy boy . Very clever . He reads in his siddur amazingly well and even started reading english words . He figured out maths very fast (they're only learning plus low numbers )
He also has a lot of friends in cheider . Very liked . Has amazing speech and amazing voice (sings extremely well)

BUT ... and here it comes !!!
He is so so difficult
I'm gonna mention a few points

Dressing him in the morning is so difficult. He just doesn't listen . Same about washing negel vasser, getting ready for cheider , leaving the house on time (dh drives in)
Sometimes he refuses to go to cheider. (Rebbe claims he's very happy in cheider )

Getting him in to the bath ... and then getting him out of the bath . He doesn't let me wash certain places (like between his toes)
And then putting on pyjamas

Also he never falls asleep on his own . Dh or I have to sit next to him (sometimes his older siblings )

Cutting his nails is pure torture . Toe nails are the worst . He kicks and screams

B"h brushing teeth he's ok with

He recently hurt his finger and refused to use it for over a week . We weren't allowed to wash it. Touch it ...

When he wants something and doesn't get it he is plain impossible . He cries A LOT

He can be such an adorable boy . We made a very long road trip and he was amazing in the car . He can keep himself busy for very long playing , colouring or reading

What can we do about all the things that are so difficult with him?
We live in a place where it's not easy to get therapy

I would appreciate any advice

amother

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 3:13 pm

Another thing I forgot to mention is when he uses the toilet (only when he has to sit ) its only on the toilet seat we used when we trained him. He wouldn't sit if we don't put that seat . He doesn't want any other toilet seat
We once travelled for 2 days and purposely didn't take it along . He had such a stomach ache and refused to make . He sat on a toilet and just couldn't make . He asked every 5 mins to go
The second we got home he went on his seat and made

(When we trained his younger sibling we did it straight on big toilet)

amother

Khaki

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 3:24 pm

This sounds exactly like my son. He is very bright but soooo very difficult..

Here are a few things that worked for us.

Charts charts and more charts!!! They seriously work. Make the rewards fun like he needs to collect tickets and then after a month or so u have a ‘store’ where he gets to ‘buy’ the prizes he wants. Each prize cost a certain amount of tickets.

Talk to him, when we spoke and explained stuff it really helped.

Ask him what he thinks is the best way to get things done. Or tell a him a friend has a child who doesn’t listen in the morning and because you are the same age she thought maybe you have a good idea of how to get the child to do so and so..

Make tasks into a game. A race who can do something first, or other fun games like that..

My son is now 8, bh it got a bit easier but we do still use charts for somethings especially for bed time..

mha3484

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 3:32 pm

I have two very strong willed children.My younger one is mildly sensory and anxious. I have found the most success when I see his behavior as communication. A lot your examples seem like he has some sensory needs. Have you looked into OT?

For us, charts really didn't do much once we were out of the pre school years. The method from a book called the explosive child called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions has worked much better. The information can be found at www.livesinthebalance.org

amother

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 3:34 pm

Thanks for your advice
We tried charts with him going to sleep in his own bed and staying there . Took him a while to finish it and once he was done he was back to where we started

I like the idea of asking him advice on another child who's being difficult.

Races don't work cos our 3 year old gets annoyed when he wins and he gets annoyed when 3 year old wins

I guess we need a lot of patience with him and give him lots of love !! Some kids need more than others

amother

Aqua

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 8:30 pm

My son is very similar and I don't have it down pat.

What helps me and him:
Lowering expectations
Charts I continue forever. For example if he goes to school he gets a quarter every day until he appears calmer and doesn't need it.
Talking. Talking. Talking. Compromise. Compromise.
Hugs, kisses, spending time, listening.
Prioritize what goals are more important than others.
I stay with my son in his too every night and he is few years older than yours.

the world's best mom

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 10:31 pm

In some ways, he reminds me of my 7 year old. A lot of the behaviors you describe do sound like sensory issues.

I stay in ds's room with him while he's falling asleep, and I allow him to have a night light on.

Every morning, I tell him what time he has to be dressed by. I give him about 10-15 minutes. If he is dressed on time, he gets a check on a chart. He won a guitar from his chart before the summer. (That was his choice of prize, which he chose when we started the chart and worked towards it. Having a prize in mind helped make it a realistic goal.)

If he cries a lot when he doesn't get what he wants, it could be that he is just very sad and doesn't know how to get over it. It's also possible that he is making a big deal because he thinks you will give him what he wants if he does. (Do you ever give in because he's crying? That's not going to help him.)

I tell my son that I understand that he is sad, and I acknowledge his disappointment. But then I tell him that it's not okay to cry SO much whenever he's upset, so he should please make sure to stop crying by a certain time- I give him about 2 minutes to calm himself down. He usually does calm down by then.