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Forum
-> Judaism
-> Halachic Questions and Discussions
amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 11:42 am
My father's Rav is extremely against having non-Jewish nannies. I was brought up with that perspective and in my mind, it's a big no-no.
Recently, I've been running into more and more situations where I can't get a babysitter, and I'm reconsidering my staunch opposition from a practical viewpoint.
However, it's still hard for me to contemplate placing my children in the care of non-Jewish caregivers. It's not a trust issue. It's a hashkafic issue.
Please don't bash. I will most likely discuss this with a Rav, but I wanted to hear polite, respectful thoughts.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 11:48 am
Please have him read Rashi on the topic
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amother
Emerald
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 11:59 am
Torah was given to us here on earth not in shamayim
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amother
OP
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:05 pm
Ruchel wrote: | Please have him read Rashi on the topic |
I should tell my father's Rav to read Rashi on the topic? That would be just a little disrespectful.
Which Rashi are you referring to? תורה לא בשמים היא? How does that explain whether or not I should hire a non-Jewish nanny? (Rashi on that says ואילו היתה בשמים היית צריך לעלות אחריה וללמדה... not really relevant to my question.)
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hodeez
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:06 pm
I have he same issue as you and have BH been placing my children in Jewish care.
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amother
Coffee
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:13 pm
I would not equate opposition to a non-Jewish nanny with opposition to any non-Jewish caregiver ever.
A nanny is typically a full-time or near-full-time employee, who may even live in the home. A nanny may be with a family for several years if all goes well, and I've heard of nannies being with families for over 10 years and of continuing their relationships after paid employment has ended. A nanny can be a tremendous influence and role model because of the sheer quantity of time she spends with a child.
A rav who counsels people to limit this type of deep relationship to Jewish caregivers would not necessarily object to hiring a non-Jewish babysitter for a random date night a few times a year or to sporadically using drop-in backup care staffed by non-Jews.
OP's rav may well be opposed to all non-Jewish caregivers across the board, but a regular nanny is not the same as occasional babysitters.
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amother
Babypink
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:14 pm
If you wouldn't trust your diamond ring with him/her - why would you trust him/her with your kids?
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Ravenclaw
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:18 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | If you wouldn't trust your diamond ring with him/her - why would you trust him/her with your kids? |
Who says I don’t trust nonjews with my diamond ring?
That’s presumptuous.
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amother
Babypink
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:21 pm
Ravenclaw wrote: | Who says I don’t trust nonjews with my diamond ring?
That’s presumptuous. |
Jew or non-jew.
It's a statement. I'm not pointing out any specific group as being "untrustworthy".
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amother
Coffee
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:24 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | However, it's still hard for me to contemplate placing my children in the care of non-Jewish caregivers. It's not a trust issue. It's a hashkafic issue.
Please don't bash. I will most likely discuss this with a Rav, but I wanted to hear polite, respectful thoughts. |
You should identify and list your specific reservations about non-Jewish nannies before meeting with a rav, and you should ask him to identify the concerns that underlie his opposition. Then you can see what is applicable in your situation and whether there are any ways to mitigate. For example, kashrut is one common concern, with various mitigation strategies. Exposure to certain types of entertainment might be another. And so on.
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Ravenclaw
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:26 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | Jew or non-jew.
It's a statement. I'm not pointing out any specific group as being "untrustworthy". |
Okay. But I am assuming that anyone leaving their kids with a babysitter or nanny—Jewish or not—isn’t hiding their jewelry from said person.
I know I don’t.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:38 pm
Rashi tells you how to handle even a child left at a non jewish nurse. If you do not want to tell him, just do you.
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sarahmalka
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 12:43 pm
I know plenty of families in my community who use non-Jewish nannies. I never utilized a nanny but had several non-Jewish babysitters for my kids over the years. Can you outline more of what the issues are you are concerned with and maybe we can help more? And also if you're talking about a regular weekly nanny/sitter or more occasional usage?
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imasoftov
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:19 pm
Ruchel wrote: | Rashi tells you how to handle even a child left at a non jewish nurse. |
A location for this Rashi would be helpful.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:19 pm
I have used a non Jewish nanny for all my babies. It is extremely important to me that the nanny is someone with good middos, since she will be a primary caregiver during my child's formative years. So that was a priority for me, in addition to her being a responsible, reliable employee. I am very picky about who I hire because I take this influence very seriously. That's actually something I wouldn't necessarily have the ability to do if my child was in a day care or at a babysitter with an assistant.
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amother
Taupe
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:20 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | Jew or non-jew.
It's a statement. I'm not pointing out any specific group as being "untrustworthy". |
What does that statement mean then?
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amother
Azure
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Wed, Oct 02 2019, 1:32 pm
amother [ Babypink ] wrote: | If you wouldn't trust your diamond ring with him/her - why would you trust him/her with your kids? |
I hate when people give this analogy. It really doesn't make sense.
As an aside, I trust my housekeeper of 15 yrs with all my jewelry, but would not leave my child with her for 10 min.
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amother
Smokey
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Thu, Oct 03 2019, 7:35 am
I have had non Jewish nannies for three years because I work full-time and I needed someone who could commit to those long hours. Yes, you can find a non-Jewish nanny who will take good care of your child and care for them almost the way you would. You may have other issues with them like not cleaning well, wanting more money or slacking off in small ways but you can definitely find non-Jewish nannies who are caring and take their job seriously.
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STMommy
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Thu, Oct 03 2019, 7:55 am
why dont you outline for the Rav which specific days/times you have had difficulty with, and how he has advised people in the past in light of his psak?
I.e., "I will be at work until 3:30 on erev yom kippur. I cannot find a Jewish babysitter who is willing to still be watching my child at that hour. What has the Rav advised people in the past in this situation?"
"I have full days of work every day of chol hamoed Succos. All the Jewish babysitters I contacted will be spending that day with their own families/taking that day off. I do not have the luxury because I am using my vacation days for yom tov. What has the Rav told people to do in that circumstance?"
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amother
Babypink
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Thu, Oct 03 2019, 8:40 am
amother [ Azure ] wrote: | I hate when people give this analogy. It really doesn't make sense.
As an aside, I trust my housekeeper of 15 yrs with all my jewelry, but would not leave my child with her for 10 min. |
I know many people who wouldn't trust their housekeeper with any jewelry. But they let them watch their kids.
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