Dealing with non-religious men and shomer negia

amother

Wed, Nov 06 2019, 11:57 pm

Thanks everyone for your feedback!
So actually my coworker had an idea. Although she hasn't used it herself, it sounded good to me.

"If it isn't too much to ask, I actually belong to a community that is strict with regards to physical touch between the sexes, unless it's a spouse, parent or child. I don't mean to offend, I just wanted to explain why it makes me uncomfortable."

dankbar

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 12:39 am

I sat at the front desk in an office, when someone new would arrive & give his hand to shake, I would say: " Sorry no offense meant, but for religious purposes, we Don't shake hands wih opposite gender"

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 4:22 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Way too much detail.
This will weird out the average American who has not had much interaction with diverse populations (and by that I don't mean POC).

lavenderchimes

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 5:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

A good start, but WAY too complicated. Stick to something more simple. "In Orthodox Judaism, men and women don't touch." Or, "I'm sorry, but in Orthodox Judaism, there is no physical contract between men and women." And remember that delivery is EVERYTHING. Say it with your MOST charming smile. I sometimes throw in "It's nothing personal - just a weird religious thing." And give a little laugh. This takes the edge off for the people who are worried that they did something wrong, and makes them feel more comfortable.

Do not say "If it isn't too much to ask." This makes it sound optional. And remember that no one cares about the exceptions or the details. And if they do, they will ask:)

amother

Coral

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 5:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree with lavender that inserting the exceptions is too much. (And it's not the full story in any case, since you can touch your brother or grandfather too).

I also agree with her that adding 'it's a weird religious thing, no worries' might be a good way of putting them at ease.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 6:03 am

I had a recent experience with a surgeon on Brooklyn who extended his hand to me. I said I’m sorry I don’t shake hands for religious purposes. Was awkward cuz he got abrasive I’m assuming he took it personally dunno.....how can a dr in Brooklyn not know ?

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 7:19 am

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

I disagree. People will have much more respect if you tell them truthfully, ‘it’s against my religious beliefs to have any physical contact with males other than my family members.’

Depends on where you are. Some anti religious or just plain atheist will probably think you're an insane freak and not respect it or you at all.

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Nov 07 2019, 7:21 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

That's funny. I live in Germany (very very few jews) and lots of doctors don't shake hands because it's not hygienic. Some even have a sign up that says: please don't take it personally but we don't shake hands.
I forgot when I went to my dentist last week and offered my hand for a handshake and when she hesitated I remembered and apologized