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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Librarian
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Sun, Nov 17 2019, 1:25 pm
NO NO NEVER NRVER UH UH UH!!!
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amother
OP
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Sun, Nov 17 2019, 3:22 pm
Op here, thanks for all your responses!
I agree that I would never send my girls to a male gymnastics instructor, but I had a hard time explaining to my friend that it's not a frumness thing... Many of you clarified my reasoning.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 2:48 am
it's a frumnes thing. If I had no problem with it then I would do it.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 2:59 am
I wouldn't, but I don't get the hysteria here about it.
You're okay with a male OB-GYN, but not okay with a male gymnastics instructor? There are horror stories about both, I won't post links about the doctor scandals because they are horrifying, and unfortunately rarely prosecuted.
A male coach can be just as professional and focused as a male doctor. Yes, the opposite can happen, but that's not limited to coaches, unfortunately.
In either case, having policies about appropriate activity and following Hilchos Yichud would prevent many issues.
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mommy3b2c
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 3:40 am
dancingqueen wrote: | That’s awesome! You might want to consider bringing on some female instructors too though. |
If I could only find them...:
I’m kind of desperate.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 4:20 am
NO, I would not send my girls to a male gymnastics instructor.
(mother of a teen who does gymnastics for years, only female instructors)
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 4:31 am
I'm not sure, as my kids are not that age yet, but everything in the news has taught me to be cautious. Certainly no private lessons with instructors of either gender without a parent parent, and for group lessons, I'd also want to know that other adults were present. When I was a child I took gymnastics classes at a big gym with instructors of both genders, and there were always several adults present and nearby, whether it was parents of students, other instructors, or the owners/managers.
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sarahmalka
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 4:37 am
The big children's gym near me has mostly female teachers and one or two males. They're group classes, all the teachers and kids together in a room and the gymnastics studio is full of windows where parents and the gym owners can observe. I'm ok with this as are the handful of other frum families that send their kids. For older girls I don't know if the males coach them, though; that would give me pause. I don't think it's necessarily a black and white issue but I get people's hesitation for sure.
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1ofbillions
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 4:57 am
amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote: | I wouldn't, but I don't get the hysteria here about it.
You're okay with a male OB-GYN, but not okay with a male gymnastics instructor? There are horror stories about both, I won't post links about the doctor scandals because they are horrifying, and unfortunately rarely prosecuted.
A male coach can be just as professional and focused as a male doctor. Yes, the opposite can happen, but that's not limited to coaches, unfortunately.
In either case, having policies about appropriate activity and following Hilchos Yichud would prevent many issues. |
The differentiating factor here is the age of the patient/trainee. Adults visit the OB - they are capable of recognizing impropriety and dealing with it appropriately. Children, on the other hand, are not necessarily able to recognize that their teacher is being a creep, and would not know how to handle it.
If an adult decided to let her OB act improperly with her, that’s just her choosing to have s-x with a person she isn’t married to.
If a child is touched improperly, that is them being molested.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Mon, Nov 18 2019, 5:05 am
1ofbillions wrote: | The differentiating factor here is the age of the patient/trainee. Adults visit the OB - they are capable of recognizing impropriety and dealing with it appropriately. Children, on the other hand, are not necessarily able to recognize that their teacher is being a creep, and would not know how to handle it.
If an adult decided to let her OB act improperly with her, that’s just her choosing to have s-x with a person she isn’t married to.
If a child is touched improperly, that is them being molested. |
Plenty of teens go to a male doctor. Plenty of teens go to gymnastics.
Not all adults can recognize impropriety. The doctor/patient relationship often leaves victims second-guessing themselves as to whether or not what they experienced was abusive.
The coach referenced above was coaching teens, not 9-year-olds.
Here's a link about adults molested by doctors, since apparently you can't imagine it happening: http://doctors.ajc.com They didn't choose to have s-x with their doctors. They did nothing to deserve what was done to them.
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