Who do you invite to Your child’s wedding?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 5:49 pm

How close are the supposed to be?

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 6:27 pm

I’m our huge family my first cousin invites my husband and me but not the kids
On my husbands side smaller family his first cousin invited us and our single kids

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 6:28 pm

Our friends sometimes invites us and our children sometimes they are not invited

amother

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 6:30 pm

I mean when your child gets married how close are the friends you are inviting?

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 7:44 pm

We are only at bar mitzvah stage we invited close friends some with their kids. Some with out we invited people from our shul who were kind of friendly
Who have invited us for shabbos meals and some kids parents from school who we are friendly with and have invited us to their bar mitzvahs

amother

Blush

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 7:47 pm

Anyone that would make my face light up to see them at the wedding! (I'm not up to wedding stage yet, I'd probably make a list of everyone I wanted to invite, and if that was over my # quota of invitees, prioritize the closer ones first.)

dankbar

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 8:11 pm

By chassidishe weddings you send out anywhere between 500 & 3000 invitations per wedding.
No return cards. You order portions for 120-400 people. Whoever feels close enough joins for the meal. Whoever doesnt feel that super close just comes by for a hearty mazel tov & whoever doesn't feel close at all just tosses the invitation

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 8:18 pm

First send out invitations of who you really want to come when you get rejections send out more invitations to those you were having second thoughts

amother

Ivory

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 8:42 pm

amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:

First send out invitations of who you really want to come when you get rejections send out more invitations to those you were having second thoughts

But only do this if you're going to address the envelopes in the same way, and only if it isn't obnoxiously close to the wedding date.

We recently got a hand-addressed envelope (in regular print, no fancy calligraphy here) for a wedding that was in less than 2 weeks. I am certain the "first-round" guests got typed envelopes, a month or more ago.

Yes, it hurts.

dankbar

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 8:49 pm

Depends in which circles, most invitations I receive are about 2 weeks away

amother

Chocolate

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 9:00 pm

Depends on many factors including size of your family, how many invitations you have to reciprocate, ” how big the hall is and of course how much you can afford. We invited some rather distant relatives and so-so friends and told our sons to bring as many of their chevreh as they could to our children’s weddings because we don’t have a huge family, very few friends, and it would be embarrassing to have 75 people when our machatonim have 250. But if you’re allowed 200 people and between you and your siblings’ families you already have over 100 people, you’re obviously not going to be able to invite second cousins and your seminary roommate whom you haven’t seen in 20 years.

dankbar

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 9:02 pm

To my first cousins marrying off their child, the ones I am close to, I would go to entire wedding. For the ones, not that close, I just go for dancing.
Same is with neighbors, the ones close to, I join meal, the ones not that close just a mazel tov.
Same is with friends, ones I am close to, entire thing, just classmates, marrying off a child, I go for dancing.
shul mates, the ones that are close friends to husband, I feel more obligated to. The ones my age range, might go to say mazel tov. Just random, off the shul list, I let my husband attend, as he spends lots of time with them in shul.
When an aunt marries off a child it is expected to join fully.
For second cousins- like my parents or in-laws first cousins marrying off, I don't go anymore. If my husband feels close to such a relative, he would go.
If wedding is local, I make more of an effort to attend, if it's not local depends on circumstances.
Any simcha, if I find a babysitter, I can go more easily & for longer if not too bad. If local, I can rotate with my husband if not sometimes only one of us attends if it's a relative.

zaq

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 9:09 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

Don’t bet on it. I hand-addressed...make that scrawled...our dc invitations and they went out very late. We only had one list. We don’t even know enough people for a B list. But the engagement was short, invites printed in another town, weren’t ready when promised, yadda yadda. The dc getting married wasn’t living at home and I had to address all of the invites myself. My typing stinks and anyway I don’t have a printer. If someone will be offended that the envelope wasn’t typed or calligrapher... you know what? Let them not come because my friends they’re clearly not.

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 9:09 pm

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

I got a bat mitzvah invitation like this was very happy to go
my single daughter got an invite to a wedding three days before and was happy to go

Amelia Bedelia

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 9:11 pm

dankbar wrote:

Not all chassidish weddings. In Williamsburg, it's standard to omit the return cards. Not necessarily in other chassidish circles.

thanks

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 9:20 pm

I se t invitations with reply cards to all my neighbors. Anyone that feels close will come,and the others won't. That way, I know I didn't inadvertently exclude anyone.

dankbar

Sat, Nov 23 2019, 9:43 pm

I think whoever you would invite to your son's bar mitzvah meal, for sure gets invited to the wedding meal

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Nov 24 2019, 5:58 am

We're MO. My DD is very introverted and has already told us she doesn't want a big wedding. She's not interested in our friends at all. She just wants her few friends. I plan to invite our close neighbors who she actually knows and sees a lot but I don't think she will be happy if I invite my out of town close friends who she doesn't know very well. (Eg: close friends who I speak to a lot and I make an effort to see, but they don't see my kids hardly at all)
She's not interested in extended family either. She wants first cousins and that's it.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Nov 24 2019, 9:58 am

I still remember the strangers who cam to my wedding and spoke into our video of our wedding like they were our best friends and I didnt like it from
thirty years ago

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