Do most yeshivish women continue to conceive after age 35?

amother

Ecru

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 10:23 am

tryinghard wrote:

A few years back I thought I wanted to be done by 35. Not my hashkafa at all, just ideal-world, “wouldn’t that be nice” kind of thoughts. At this point, I’m 31 and have had longer breaks than I would have otherwise chosen, and I just don’t see it. I have no idea what will be at that point, whether I will practically be done anyway due to the sane reasons as my long breaks. I’ve stopped mentally planning things out. Leaving it up to God 😁

I never wanted to stop at 35 but I'm the same age as you with much longer breaks than I wanted, and I don't see stopping soon, if it's up to me. I'm okay with having my last at 42 but I want another 4-5 kids and am afraid I'm going to run out of time.

LittleMissMama

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:01 am

We stopped at age 33. I have a special needs son and although our other kids are, BH, healthy, we did not want any increased risks as I got older. Do I regret not having more? All the time I wish I could have had a couple more healthy easy kids. But it's not that simple. I could have had more kids with even greater needs and I can say with 100% certainty, my family would have fallen apart. I would have fallen apart. It was a very hard decision to stop so young, but the right one.

amother

Wine

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:09 am

There are never guarantees of anything. Not about BC being fail proof.... And not about being able to conceive on demand so to speak....
OP, you seem to be wondering more about norms. There is no one specific path that everyone follows. And there's no real way to know if people had more, or stopped, because that was truly what they wanted. So just concentrate on what is best for you, but realize you don't have total control over the outcome.

amother

Olive

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 11:43 am

I used to think I would stop around 40 whicj is pretty common in my yeshivish community but after several relatively easy pregnancies I’m currently pregnant again at age 34 and my body is not handling it well so I don’t know that I can do this again.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:52 pm

I should probably start a spinoff but this thread is why I hate the frum world sometimes.

While everywhere else, 35 is when many start having kids, and it's considered young and vibrant, only in the frum world are you considered old at 35 to the point where you should consider stopping to have kids.

I'm almost 35. I'd hate living in Hollywood because I'm passed my expiration date. Didn't realize the frum world is just the same. How sad.

amother

Beige

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:56 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

If everything goes to plan I would plan of stopping around that age....
Risks of pregnancy do go up after that point

Where'd you pick that up? Would love a source. Not bec. I doubt you, but because I never case across the number 35.
The stats I read show fertility lessening at 37, before risks going up.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 12:57 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

I'm 36 and far from done. I hope to still continue conceiving.

Whoa. thanks. I got scared that I’m the only one.

amother

Beige

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:03 pm

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

I'm sorry, but I think you're reading this wrong. Who ever said anything about expiration date? We're talking about women who already had multiple children who may or may not decide to stop at a certain age. And if you read the responses, most ppl said 35 is quite young.
And the end of childbearing years is not in any way equal to expiration date.

Besides, do you think imamother representative of the greater frum community?

amother

Beige

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:08 pm

I think I'll be ok giving birth until 40-42 in terms of age, and the reason for that is more of the future, where I don't want to be battling teen issues well into my 60's.

Ruchel

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:16 pm

My great great.. grandmother had her last when her first was a grandmother Smile

Yes, she's probably the record on my side.
My husband's cousin was slightly younger, 48

dancingqueen

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:53 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

FYI, 35 is still rather young ...

Starting at age 35, a pregnant woman is classified as advanced maternal age (aka geriatric pregnancy).

allthingsblue

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 1:59 pm

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

Why is it an expiration date? Perhaps it's a time to thoroughly and wholeheartedly enjoy one's family if one is blessed enough to have children already at that age. To mother them with energy.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 2:09 pm

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

Us frum yidden usually start having kids well before the non jews so to stop at 35 isn't that young if you have a handful of kids and started at 20. I don't want to be bringing up kids when I'm too old, that's just me. Everyone to their own. The last baby will always be a bitter pill to swallow whatever the age or amount of kids

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:19 pm

I had 8 before 40 and zero miscarriages. After 40 I started having miscarriages one after the other. I wanted to ask for a heter at that point but kept pushing it off. Then at 43 I had a healthy baby BH. I'm 46 now, no new pregnancies since then.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 19 2020, 7:33 pm

I am Yeshivish. I had children from my first marriage B"H. I got remarried in my late 30s but did not have children from my second marriage despite three rounds of IVF.