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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:11 am
I'm missing my sisters wedding in EY next week. BH I have a newborn and it is also expensive to go.
Did you miss a sibling's wedding? Tell me about it. Thank you!
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amother
cornflower
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:29 am
Yes I had a newborn as well.
I felt so left out, lonely and cried all night but I survived 😀
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amother
Seashell
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:32 am
I did not but my grandparents were not able to make it to every simcha. My grandmother would serve a special meal and they would drink a l’chaim. It may be helpful for you to make your own party for you and your family at home in honor of the simcha.
Very very different but my husband refused to go to my brother’s afruf (complicated but it was a matter of discomfort for him... not a money issue at all but very painful for me...) after I spoke with my husband’s rebbe, we decided it would be best for my Shalom bayis for all of us as a family to stay home (we did go to the wedding but not shabbos Sheva Brachos either...) so I splurged and bought beautiful plastic dishes, yummy take out food for shabbos and made our own little simcha in honor of my brother’s afruf at home. Definitely helped me to feel a part of it.
IyH may you have many more Simchos and be able to participate fully in all of them. 💕
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Lizzie4
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:35 am
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Yup. They planned the wedding to be on my due date (and I live in another country!). I didn't feel too bad about missing it.
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amother
Pewter
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:37 am
Similar situation but it was a brother's wedding. A relative Skyped/FaceTimed us so we could wish mazel tov and watch the whole chuppah. We set up a little shmorgasbord in my house and after the chuppah put on wedding music and my kids danced. Even though we were far away we felt like we were part of the simcha. My kids still remember uncle X's chasunah!
I'm sure it's harder for a sister but BH because of a simcha; I hope you can find a way to feel a part of it from afar.
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SixOfWands
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:47 am
| amother [ Seashell ] wrote: | I did not but my grandparents were not able to make it to every simcha. My grandmother would serve a special meal and they would drink a l’chaim. It may be helpful for you to make your own party for you and your family at home in honor of the simcha.
Very very different but my husband refused to go to my brother’s afruf (complicated but it was a matter of discomfort for him... not a money issue at all but very painful for me...) after I spoke with my husband’s rebbe, we decided it would be best for my Shalom bayis for all of us as a family to stay home (we did go to the wedding but not shabbos Sheva Brachos either...) so I splurged and bought beautiful plastic dishes, yummy take out food for shabbos and made our own little simcha in honor of my brother’s afruf at home. Definitely helped me to feel a part of it.
IyH may you have many more Simchos and be able to participate fully in all of them. 💕 |
IMNSHO its bizarre to make a decision not to attend a simcha -- not "it doesn't work out for me," or "I can't because ....," but to actively refuse to go for whatever reason -- then to make a party and pretend you're celebrating the simcha you refuse to go to.
OP, not your situation, of course. Mazel tov on the baby. Mazel tov to your sister on the birth.
Ask someone to Skype or Facetime or whatever while she's getting ready, so you can give her your love and a bracha, and later during the dancing.
May you have many more simchas to celebrate together.
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amother
Firebrick
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:49 am
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I missed my sister's wedding because I wasn't willing to travel pregnant. I'd waited too long for that baby to take any kind of risk, including the risk of giving birth early in a different country.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 10:51 am
I missed my brother's wedding. He's two years older than me and we are close. I was pregnant, and the doctor was pretty blunt about the state of my pg and what might happen if I travel abroad.
It was tough, the night of the wedding I tried to make a nice dinner for me and DH to celebrate from afar, but spent it in the bathroom throwing up and nauseous.... I had bleeding from placenta previa and I felt pretty awful. I remember wondering if the pg would make it anyway.
But B"H it's 22 years since and I have a beautiful and healthy daughter who is worth all that and more....
ETA: And she was born 3 days before my younger brother's Bar Mitzva, so I missed that too.
Last edited by Chayalle on Tue, Feb 04 2020, 12:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 11:34 am
Thanks everyone!!
Her friend will be videoing for facebook live, but I don't know how much she will get.
We don't do facebook but DH has a ghost account for work that we will use.
Still I'm not THERE.
Maybe we will decorate the table nicely that night and dress up. The kids will like it.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 11:38 am
| amother [ Firebrick ] wrote: | | I missed my sister's wedding because I wasn't willing to travel pregnant. I'd waited too long for that baby to take any kind of risk, including the risk of giving birth early in a different country. |
Yeah like I don't want to travel with my baby. Too many crazy germs in 2020 to circulate through the plane for 11 hours!
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amother
Vermilion
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 11:38 am
I missed my brother's wedding. DH took all the kids (it was far, but driving distance.) I was 3 days postpartum, and still was miserable about missing it.
DH also missed his brother's wedding, but that one was overseas and after my due date. I gave birth a few days later. For that one, they did livestream it.
It's very hard, what can I say. But it's a good thing that we care that much, it shows that we are blessed to have family and want to share in their simchas.
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amother
Seashell
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 11:50 am
| SixOfWands wrote: | IMNSHO its bizarre to make a decision not to attend a simcha -- not "it doesn't work out for me," or "I can't because ....," but to actively refuse to go for whatever reason -- then to make a party and pretend you're celebrating the simcha you refuse to go to.
OP, not your situation, of course. Mazel tov on the baby. Mazel tov to your sister on the birth.
Ask someone to Skype or Facetime or whatever while she's getting ready, so you can give her your love and a bracha, and later during the dancing.
May you have many more simchas to celebrate together. |
Ha. Totally agree with you. I did not refuse to go. I (and my children) very badly wanted to go. It was my husband who would not go. Yes. He was being extremely selfish and he knew he was. It was a lot more complicated than I care to share on this forum but that was how I was told to respond (I did consider going and leaving my husband at home but it was not practical and not good for my Shalom bayis) and BH we’ve been able to move on from it. Trust me. I got a lot of flack from my family as well and I was dreading going to the actual wedding but BH I have a wonderful SIL I was able to confide to and she was super supportive and it was not as big a deal as it could have been). I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. But made it through and lived to tell the tale. Wishing everyone simcha and Shalom bayis.
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 11:53 am
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I missed one sisters wedding because I was pregnant and not allowedto fly . We did Skype and I dressed up for that. It was one of the harder parts of living in E"Y for me .
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amother
Sapphire
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 12:20 pm
I would have liked to miss my sisters wedding. But I wasn't allowed. My mother couldn't contemplate that this wasn't the family simcha of her dreams.
Complicated.
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amother
Aubergine
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 12:51 pm
I can't imagine missing a sibling's wedding unless I was seriously ill or on bedrest. DH and I come from small families though, so due dates or other important date conflicts are always taken into consideration when planning a wedding. We also used to all live within a few hours driving distance of each other so we didn't have to deal with airplane travel. Now one sibling and family have made aliyah but there's no way they would miss the wedding of the last single sibling because that would be a really big simcha for reasons I won't go into here.
Just curious if those of you who have missed siblings weddings and other simchas come from much larger families where it's much more difficult to take everyone's schedules into account when planning?
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Chayalle
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 1:10 pm
| amother [ Aubergine ] wrote: | I can't imagine missing a sibling's wedding unless I was seriously ill or on bedrest. DH and I come from small families though, so due dates or other important date conflicts are always taken into consideration when planning a wedding. We also used to all live within a few hours driving distance of each other so we didn't have to deal with airplane travel. Now one sibling and family have made aliyah but there's no way they would miss the wedding of the last single sibling because that would be a really big simcha for reasons I won't go into here.
Just curious if those of you who have missed siblings weddings and other simchas come from much larger families where it's much more difficult to take everyone's schedules into account when planning? |
Well, you can't always plan....my brother's wedding date was already set before I was pg with DD. Changing his date wasn't practical or feasible...
So saying "there's no way they would miss the wedding" is not taking into account the fact that life happens. I never would've expected to miss my brother's wedding. We're talking about my sibling closest to me in age, the one who shared all his stuff with me, and taught me how to read when he was 5 and I was 3, and all sorts of things....but Hashem had other plans.
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amother
Brown
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 1:20 pm
Me and my husband both missed a sibling's wedding because of visa related issues, we couldn't go out of country for fear of not being able to come back in!
Wasn't fun at the time but it was a long time ago, bh all sorted out now and we forgot about it!!!
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amother
Seafoam
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 1:20 pm
I went into labor at my sil's wedding (we left pretty early) so dh missed most of it. He did go back for part of the mitzvah tance, since this is his only sister.
I was pregnant before the engagement, my mil didn't take my due date into account .
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amother
OP
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 1:33 pm
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Small family. Still can't go.
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amother
Brunette
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Tue, Feb 04 2020, 1:40 pm
I
Missed my brothers small backyard wedding he met the woman online and married a month later it’s his third marriage his second marriage was to a [filth] star he didn’t know about her past his first wife was frum
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