Yamulka on child under 3

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curlyhead

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 1:35 am

When does one start putting a yamulka on their child?

I have a friend who started putting on a yamulkah from the bris. I think that is extreem. My Husband is trying to push me to me to put a yamulkah on my 1 1./2 year old. We tried it a few months ago and it worked for about a week or two. Once I started using clup instead of bobby pins he refused to wear it. every once in a while we will try again. It does not work to well.
I was speaking to a friend who was the other extreem and said don't worry about it till the opshernish and then they have no problem putting it on because they are excited and you don't let them eat without a yamulkah etc.

micki

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 11:38 am

actually you are both right, I put a yarmulke on from about 2 till the upshernish. but not all the time, in the beginning only on shabbos. sometimes he'd rip it off sometimes not. the issue is NOT to push. then by 2/1/2 I put it on every time we left the house. then a month before the upsher he wore it every day and was exited because he already knew odf the upshernish...
now B"H he is already 3 and he is so careful if it falls ff he puts it back on. while sleeping he'll put his hand to his head.
but right now as I am typing its off. why? because I forced him to get get dressed, and his little rebeliousness is to throw the yarmulke off. OK I pretend I don't care, and I"H he'll put it on when he sees I couldn't care less.
don't force it cause then yhe'll hate it and never want to wear it, and don't wait till the upshernish cause he will not be used to the idea and refuse to wear it. I think?

micki

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 11:38 am

ha- he just saw the yarmulke and put it on! Very Happy

Yael

Sun, Oct 03 2004, 7:35 pm

I started putting it on when levi was 1 1/2. but it wouldnt stay on for long. now at age 2 he wears it on shabbos to go to shul, or on yom tov, or if I feel like it I put it on him when we leave the house. the only thing is that he will take it off after a bit, and just drop it so I'm scared he'll lose it if he's out of the house with it. b/c he's already used to it now I'm not worried about him not wearing it when he turns 3. I dont bother putting it on him now all the time b/c its more trouble than its worth. I understand why he takes off his kippah, though, b/c when the clips get loose it tugs at his hair and hurts. when he has little hair after the upshernish it'll be more comfortable for him.
for now I use it only once in a while.

su7kids

Mon, Oct 04 2004, 2:56 am

With my boys, now big boys, all post Bar Mitzvah, we put the yarmulka's on as often as possible, even if it meant me bending down to pick it up all the time.

I never told them they were a "[gentile]" for not wearing them, but maybe called them a "girl" and that was far worse. LOL

I think that 3 is a tough age to get them used to something they've never done, and the more you can encourage it, the more they will get used to it.

zuncompany

Mon, Oct 04 2004, 10:29 am

Zu is 17 months and we put it on for special things (like weddings) and yom tovs for right now. We are going to try to start getting it on on shabbos soon. He doesn't mind it as long as I put it over his pony. Usually I have my husband do it. He shows Zu his yamulka, and than puts zu's on zu's head. He wants to do anything tatty does so it works.
Sara

Rochel Leah

Mon, Oct 04 2004, 12:41 pm

I just started putting a yamulka on sz this past yomtov. he was fine with it on. I am only doing it now for him to get used to it for when he is 3 and for the 'cute' look.isnt it better for the to have a gradual change then boom" youre 3 now u have to wear a yamulka"?

su7kids

Mon, Oct 04 2004, 3:22 pm

Rochel Leah, that was my thinking. Its a matter of chinnuch and if you don't raise them the way you want them to be, it does make it tough later.

One of my boys, when he was very small, used to sleep with his yarmulka on, and if it would fall off, he'd wake up to put it back on! He's a big 22 yo now!
LOL

sharon

Mon, Oct 11 2004, 8:18 am

Our youngest just turned three in August. We started him on the kippah a month before his opshernish since he was quite adament that he didn't want to wear it. We started on shabat. Howeverwe soon realized that he didnt want to wear the ones with the clips since it was pulling at his hair. Thankfully we rec'd a present of a large velvet kippah and he wears it day inand out, b'h. There are still times when he gets frustrated but overall he is quite happy with the kippah. It's truly a maturation process, when they're ready they're ready! Rolling Eyes

ForeverYoung
Guest

Sun, Oct 31 2004, 12:39 pm

It somehow happened by itself, when our son was about 14- 16mnth old. He wanted to be just like his father & other great man & boys we know. He didn't ware it all the time, but by the age of 2.5 it was firmly settled on his had.

I think, stressing big boy just like father (Aba, Tatty, Zeidy, etc) will work for most kids.
+ if the kipa was on most of the day (or not taken off or put back on if fell) give a little prise in teh end of the day.

Good luck

Last edited by ForeverYoung on Fri, Mar 18 2005, 2:17 pm; edited 1 time in total

proudmom

Tue, Nov 09 2004, 10:38 am

It just takes time. My son used to take off his kippa when he was around year and a half. Now at 2 he keeps it on but when he comes home its off. At least its on most of the day in school. Dont worry Rivky all you have to do is take your time you have nothing to worry about.

gryp

Mon, Nov 15 2004, 2:49 pm

I read that the Rebbe Rashab put tzitzis on the Frierdiker Rebbe when he started to walk.

I know people who started yarmulke on their baby by the bris because of special instructions that they got.

sarahd

Mon, Nov 29 2004, 3:40 pm

The Chazon Ish's mother is said to have put a yarmulka on her son right after he was born, even before the bris. she probably did it with all her sons, and they all turned out to be great talmidei chachomim/tzaddkim. (she probably didn't chase after them with a yarmulka, though, when they threw them off during their terrible twos! Very Happy

)

Personally, in my family - and this holds true for most people in my circles (chassidish/heimish) - we don't hold with putting yarmulkas on children before they're three. I personally think it looks strange to see a child with long hair and a yarmulke and I don't like the look. As far as chinuch, that is an inyan from age three. I have never seen anyone have a problem for more than a couple of weeks, or months at most, with a child keeping on his yarmulka, even if they don't begin till three.

Pickle Lady

Tue, Dec 07 2004, 4:50 am

I totally agree with you sarahd. I didn't put a yarmulke on my sons head until for about 6 months he kept finding my husbands yarmulkes and putting them on himself. I don't push him to do it. He loves wearing hats. I don't push the issue with him. He wears it when he wants too.

Ozmom

Tue, Dec 07 2004, 5:49 am

Forever Young I was under the impression that upshernish was a Minhag Yisroel, and that the only ones who did different were the sqaure chassidim who have it a 2 yrs if I'm not mistaken.
So what do you do? Do you cut their hair straight away from the start?

Tefila

Tue, Dec 07 2004, 9:30 am

Quote:

upshernish was a Minhag Yisroel,

Oz, atchually it is a chassidishe minhag which lots incl litvaks do adopt!

ForeverYoung
Guest

Tue, Dec 07 2004, 11:00 am

Chasidish it is.

Chop it off when it's in the way (eyes).

My kids' hair doesn't grow untill they're 2, so I didn't have much of an issue. We put the kipa on him as soon as he wnted too (18 mnths).

But I would not make a deal out of it untill 3.

Motek

Tue, Dec 07 2004, 11:10 am

chasidish it's not

the custom predates chasidus

read this:

Quote:

It isn't clear exactly when the custom of upsheren started. The first mention of the custom is in Shar Hakavanos (Inyan Pesach, Drush 12) which was written by R' Chaim Vital (1543-1620), the Arizal's preeminent disciple. He writes how the Arizal went to Miron on Lag B'Omer and participated in the "known minhag" of upsheren. In Sefer Ta'amei Haminhagim (p. 269 s.k. 44) it says that "it seems that this custom dates to the times of the Rishonim." The Ridvaz (1462-1552) also writes (Shalos Utshuvos Ridvaz, vol. 2, ch. 608) that "it is already a custom in all the surrounding areas to consider [upsheren] as a full-fledged neder [vow]!"

There are those who say that the practice of upsheren is alluded to in Talmud Yerushalmi, Pe'ah 1:4 and Midrash Tanchuma, Kedoshim 14.

The Shalos Utshuvos Arugas Habosem (Responsa 210) explains that "A person is compared to the tree of the field (Devorim 20:19)." Just like it is forbidden to benefit from the fruit of a tree for the first three years, the fruit is considered Orlah, so too we do not cut the hair of a child until he is three years old.

We attach such importance to upsheren because that is when the child wears peyos for the first time. Peyos physically distinguishes the Jew from the non-Jew, so by celebrating the upsheren we are showing how happy we are that we are Jews and distinct from all the other nations.

Additionally, the upsheren is the time when we start educating the child with other mitzvos as well (tzitzis, yarmulke, brachos and more). This, too, is a cause for celebration.

the last paragraph says that three is when we start with chinuch, yarmulka etc.

not that we don't teach children about yiddishkeit before that, but three is different, it's a milestone of maturation

ForeverYoung
Guest

Tue, Dec 07 2004, 11:26 am

Vilna Gaon said NO to upsherin.
Mani Litvaks don't have upsherin either.

my kids have payos as soon as their hair is long engouh for it.

Motek

Tue, Dec 07 2004, 11:31 am

Quote:

Vilna Gaon said NO to upsherin.

please provide a source for that, thanks

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