Regrets over name we gave our son

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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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amother

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 1:36 am

Our son has a beautiful name... he's over 10 so it's totally "him" by now... BUT... we always thought (hoped) we'd have another boy and we've only had girls (B"H I am not complaining!). But at the time, we used my grandfather's name for our son's first name, and for his middle name chose something connected with the parsha.

But now we have never named a child for my husband's very much loved grandfather. His name even starts with the same letter as my son's middle name, it's actually quite similar - but not the same.

On top of that, at our son's bris, someone actually made a disparaging comment to my husband about our choice of middle name for our son because of slight negative connotations... or something... and that comment stuck with him (and me) all these years.

So we don't LOVE our son's name, although we love our son. Smile

And we regret not naming for my husband's grandfather. And it looks unlikely that we can count on having more children (and no guarantee that a baby would be a boy anyway).

How to deal with this? How to make sure we don't make our son feel unhappy with his own name by giving off "vibes" about it? How to honor my husband's grandfather? Our son's middle name is similar, but really a different name - could we think of it as being in honor of him? Or???

Seraph

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 2:45 am

I dunno what to say to you besides:
Hashem gives parents ruach hakodesh. You did the right thing by naming your son what you did- you had divine inspiration. Nothing to have regrets about...
Thats what Hashem wanted his name to be.

technic

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:01 am

we always planned 2 name our 1st boy after my late fil and bil zl and our 1st 2 were girls - our dilemma was should we feminise the names , or wait???...we waited - and no 3 is a boy...

we wanted 2 remember those 2 pple in our childs name, and it seems 2 me that the mere fact that this is worrying u shows how well u do remember, esp as middle name is similar...

as 4 the negative comment goes - 4get it - if it was sooooooo bad noone would ever b called by it, and I bet ur son is far from the only one...and maybe HE can b the tzaddik who changes the names reputation Wink

and finally - hes 10 kyh...in just a few yrs time maybe hell b able 2 use the name 4 his own son iyh Very Happy

(hope this helped)

amother

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:06 am

technic wrote:

(hope this helped)

It really did!!!!! Thank you. Especially the part about my son naming a child of his.... you're right and I hadn't thought of that.

His middle name isn't terrible at all, by the way. It's just that there is a different name in the same parsha that this "commenter" thought would have been better (has a better meaning), so why should we have chosen the one that isn't as good? Rolling Eyes

amother

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:11 am

Firstly, like its been said before, when a parent names a child its done through Ruach hakodesh.
It wasn't your choice of name, it was merely given to you by divine inspiration.

secondly, no one has the right to comment negatively about a name a parent chose. This really gets to me and makes me mad! Mad

what chutzpa.
When our first born daughter was born, someone questioned my husband why he didn't name her after a particular Rebbetzin as was common in our circles! Mad

what nerve! who has the right to question any parent on their child's name? (Unless they name the child nimrod, eisav or vashti Twisted Evil

)

my advice is to let it go! rejoice in the name you already gave him, it was meant to be and no plans of yours would have altered that.
I've heard stories of parents that planned on naming their child one thing and then in the last second a different name popped into the father's head without him understanding why. But we know why. 8) Its because as we said before, its ruach hakodesh!

technic

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:17 am

OP yw

last amother - r u saying we shouldnt have named our little boy nimrod eisav??? NOW u tell me???? LOL

amother

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:26 am

its fine if your name is vashti

technic

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:28 am

omg ive been found out!!!!! and I thought I was soooo careful 2 stay anonymous!!!! LOL

amother

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:29 am

hi, vashti nenner! Wink

technic

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 3:33 am

thats it - ive been totally outed!!!! Rolling Laughter

chocolate moose

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 10:35 am

you'll hve grandsons, IYH.

greenfire

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 10:44 am

lol to all you crazy nuts above Nervous

OP you do have nevuah when naming a baby ... as will your children ... a person should never be pushed to name someone after someone ... it must come from the heart ... you cannot go to the past and you obviously honor dh's grandfather by remembering him in other ways ...

I named my first child totally different than planned for 9 months at the last minute ... and you know ... the name suits her better ... my little dd instead has the original name and that too suits her better ... so I believe in the nevuah thought ...

ya never know the future ...

BennysMommy

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 10:47 am

technic wrote:

and finally - hes 10 kyh...in just a few yrs time maybe hell b able 2 use the name 4 his own son iyh Very Happy

That was my first thought when I read the OP. (original post not poster- can it be used like that?)

bigmomma

Fri, Dec 21 2007, 10:57 am

May this be the BIGGEST regret of your life!!!

amother

Sun, Dec 23 2007, 2:42 am

bigmomma wrote:

May this be the BIGGEST regret of your life!!!

Amen - and thanks to all - I really do feel better B"H - you all helped. Very Happy

Iluvmykids

Sun, Dec 23 2007, 3:12 am

you could also tell this person, should they say anything to you about not naming after the grandfather, that it was to special of a name to just give as a second name, and you preferred to save the name and use it as a first name that the child will actually be called by. Now, it's up to Hashem to give you that boy to make it happen, it's out of your hands....

TzenaRena

Sun, Dec 23 2007, 3:16 am

From the introduction to the sefer "Ziv HaShaimos" english translation, "What's in a Name" by Rabbi A.Z. Wilhelm:

Quote:

One's Name Is His Vital Force
It is stated in teh holy seforim that the name by which a person is called constitutes his soul and his vital force. This means that when the soul inhabits the body, it draws life into it by means of the name, ie., through a correct joining of the letters of the name. It is explained in Tanya, ch. 1 of Shaar Hayichud VehaEmunah, that for all created things in teh universe, the Hebrew name by which they are called constitutes - after progressive stages of evolutionary descent- the literal speech of the Ten Sayings by which the world was created. This descent occurs through successive exchanges and joinings of the letters in the 231 permutations, until eventually they are embodied within the person to give him life.

The name by which he is called is the vessel that contains the condensed vital force inheent in teh letters of the name. As the Holy One said to the Angels, "Adam's wisdom is greater than yours", for he understood the ultimate source of each created being, and accordingly hecalled them by their names. Therefore, we find that when we wish to revive someone who has fainted, we call him by his name. By calling his name, we arouse his vital force at its source, and draw vitality down into the body. Similarly, if one is asleep, we call him by his name.

TzenaRena

Sun, Dec 23 2007, 3:17 am

Quote:

A name has two opposing characteristics. On one hand, the name is associated with the soul. Thus, when we call someone by his name, we arouse his vital force. This applies not only to one's proper name,but also to a descriptive name- when we call someone "wise", we arouse his intellectual faculties; when we call him "merciful," we arouse his pity. Therefore, the desciples of R. Shiimon bar Yochai uttered his praises, so that this would arouse their master's great powers, which he would impart to them. All this applies much more so to the proper name, for it arouses not only individual powers, but the entire soul.

On the other hand, it is known that the whole purpose of a name is for the use of others; ie., so that one's fellow person may call him by it, and he will know that is is him whom he has called. But for himself, a person needs no name; of what use is a name to a person who lives alone? Thus it appears that the name is not connected with one's essence or vital-force, but is merely established by convention.

The resolution of this paradox is that one's name is like the sefirah of Malchus;it is but a ray (ziv) that by itself possesses nothing of its own, but is rooted in its original source. For this reason, it has these opposing characteristics.

That one's name represents his vital-force is hinted at by the word neshamah ("soul"), whose middle two letters forms the word shem (name). The letters of a person's name are the pipeline through which life is drawn into the body. Therefore the word shem has the same numeric value as tzinor, "pipe.

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