Sympathy for chosson/kallah

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UQT

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 9:21 pm

How does it work when the Kallah herself has 13 siblings? I cry every time I watch these backyard weddings. It must be so stressful for everyone involved.

groovy1224

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 10:14 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Last year one of my close relatives made a wedding in NY on a night that turned out to be a major blizzard. Most relatives (ourselves included) did not make it to the wedding. Even the siblings of the Chosson/Kallah were delayed travelling into the wedding, and some didn't get there in time for the Chuppah, which took place close to midnight.

A wonderful relative made a celebration during Sheva Brachos for the family, with a band and dancing, to make up somewhat for what was missed. It wasn't the same, but it was a beautiful gesture just the same.

We are a resilient people, and we make the best of every situation. My heart goes out to everyone planning a simcha now.

(my own DD will be Bas Mitzva in two weeks B"EH....any celebrations are being pushed off, but I hope to get her a ring, which we got for her big sisters, and make it a special day for her just the same.)

I'm not your relative, but I also got married the night of a blizzard and I can honestly say it was devastating.

To everyone saying it's the marriage that counts, and there are bigger problems, they can do another celebration later, please please do not say these things to anyone making a simcha now. I am bH happily married for many years but still now seeing these comments puts a wrench in my heart. Most people look back on their wedding day with fondness, happy memories of getting glammed up with friends and family, of being walked to the chuppah serenely and with excitement.

I don't want to go in to everything that went wrong that day, but it was a nightmare. And I'll never get that day back. My kids beg to watch my wedding video and I let them but I can't watch it with them.

Which is all a long winded way of saying, yes, there are bigger problems in the world, but these kallahs and chossons and bar mitzvah boys etc etc absolutely deserve our sympathy. These are milestones people dream about their whole lives (and if you didn't, that's fine. But lots do). If you know someone going through this, please offer your chizzuk and support, not safe wisdom about how it was meant to be, or that it wasn't that important to begin with.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 10:38 pm

I agree that if you dreamed of this your whole life it is devastating.
but maybe we need to start teaching our kids to dream less.
or dream of important stuff.
not to dream about lace and music but rather to dream about a stable home and a house to live in with a kind man.
when you dont have the expectation of the big hall filled with friends and roses then you arent disappointed later.
when I was 19 I dreamed of a gorgeous wedding. it was really important to me that all my sisters be in matching gowns and all the little nieces in matching gowns too, family portraits that would be perfect and dreamy. The large beautiful hall would be decked in roses and lace and mirrors.. when I was 25 and single and the family grew bigger and it would be impossible to match everyone I dreamed of all the people to be there, but matching gowns wasnt so important anymore so long as it was all coordinated. and that the hall would be nice . flowers didnt really matter.
when I was 30 and single and my sister stopped talking to me because of a family fight I dreamed of my whole family being there and couldnt care less if they showed up in pajamas. and if it was in somebody's living room I would be ok with that, so long as my bouquet would be pretty for myself and my pictures.
when I was 33 and single and my parents started aging I dreamed and prayed that my parents would be there and my mother would be able to dance with me. I couldnt care less if my sisters were there or not in gowns or not. couldnt care less if it would be in a living room, a small shul maybe, an outdoor garden.
when I was 35 and single I dreamed that there would still be a good man available and left for me to marry, a good life waiting for me. all I dreamed of was him, and could not care less if I, MYSELF walked down a bare living room floor in my pajamas.
my expectations changed so much over the years.
when I see todays wedding videos going around all I can think is if your whole family is there in their gowns and there is a good man waiting for you - you are blessed.
change the expectations!!

amother

Blush

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 10:51 pm

Years ago, my parents went to an absolutely enormous 50th anniversary party that was held in a ballroom, with live music, etc.

The couple were engaged when the chosson was drafted into WWIi. So they pushed up the wedding and got married in her parents' living room. They had a few relatives and made sheva brachos over a home-cooked meal.

The husband returned home safely and they raised a beautiful family. When the children got married, the mother mentioned that she was sorry she'd never had a nice wedding herself.

So for their 50th anniversary, the kids made them a wedding, down to the last detail. The grandchildren wore tuxes and flower girl dresses and serenaded the "young couple."

There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

amother

Brown

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 10:53 pm

southernbubby wrote:

I realize that it isn't a wedding but my poor grandson's Bar Mitzvah was postponed. It would have been this Shabbos and we don't know when we can reschedule. He had prepared for months to lein Vayakhel-pekudei. Now he has to prepare for a different parsha.

This also sounds difficult! Oy! Another idea is to have him lein this week with 9 other men and then next year when it is the same Parsha then he leins again and family/friends come to that Shabbos!

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 10:55 pm

Depending where you live. In my community (Baltimore) the Vaad Harabbanim put out a statement that people should stay home, no private minyanim, not even outdoors.

ETA, bisque I love your post and agree with it wholeheartedly. I hope your dreams came true and you found a good man and a happy life.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 11:05 pm

Can only compare this to wartime. We need to appreciate health and pray for the sick. Hopefully these minimalist life moments will be held dear and special in their own way. A bracha: Their spouse should be more precious to them to the extent of making it worthwhile to have a few extra weeks now to spend life together rather than having it pushed off.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 11:19 pm

My cousin was supposed to get married in two weeks right before pesach. They moved the wedding up to this sunday in her parents house. (Was supposed to be an extremely fancy wedding in a hall) .
Just found out that they may change it to Thursday now.....

mig100

Tue, Mar 17 2020, 11:34 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

You said. It well. Thank you.

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 1:01 am

southernbubby wrote:

We all are disappointed but he is very sad.

peysach krohn is giving words of chizuk on thurs night to the bar mitzvah boys who are getting bar mitzvah in the near future. (sorry if already posted, I didnt read all the posts)

amother

Emerald

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 1:12 am

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

peysach krohn is giving words of chizuk on thurs night to the bar mitzvah boys who are getting bar mitzvah in the near future. (sorry if already posted, I didnt read all the posts)

How can I access the words of chizuk? My son was supposed to be bar mitzvah next week. I wish he can hear it.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 2:09 am

My relative was to have a 400 person wedding in a big hall she had it at small shul just immediate family and no grandparents

syrima

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 3:18 am

Rabbi Paysach Krohn will be addressing Bar Mitzvah boys across the nation who's Bar Mitzvah is being disrupted by this Eis Tzara.
Call in for words of Chizuk and Bracha this Thursday night at 8:00pm.

712 832 5613 pin number 613.

(for a recording afterwards call 712 831 9613)

Goldie613

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 4:53 am

I've seen pictures of weddings (I'm guessing in Israel) taking place in supermarkets and courtyards (with people watching and dancing from their own balconies). I'm glad that they didn't have to push off their weddings on top of everything else, and I'm appreciative of the creativity that many are showing to try to give these chossons and kallahs some type of a simcha.

This must be so hard for them, IM"H everything should settle down soon and they should have joy in their lives going forward.

PinkFridge

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 8:35 am

groovy1224 wrote:

I'm not your relative, but I also got married the night of a blizzard and I can .

Hugs! Disappointment is disappointment and always deserves to be validated but especially in your case. You didn't even have the nechama of knowing everyone else was in the same boat.

southernbubby

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 8:40 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

This also sounds difficult! Oy! Another idea is to have him lein this week with 9 other men and then next year when it is the same Parsha then he leins again and family/friends come to that Shabbos!

We bounced around that idea but their shul had to close and many of their friends have active cases of COVID 19. Basically everyone there is in quarantine. My son is the rabbi of the Chabad house and has to set an example of staying safe.

southernbubby

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 8:41 am

syrima wrote:

Thanks, I will forward the information.

PinkFridge

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 8:51 am

southernbubby wrote:

Good. That they're taking it seriously.

Chayalle

Wed, Mar 18 2020, 8:51 am

grace413 wrote:

Mazel Tov! May you have much nachas from her and your other girls.

Amen! Thank you!

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