I hate DS's school grrrrrrrrrrrrr

amother

Thu, Nov 08 2007, 1:29 pm

Before everyone jumps, no, I don't ever talk negatively in front of DS (or anyone else for that matter).

Normal bright 4 year old who is an absolute pleasure at home - he's not perfect, but generally a very sunny disposition, sweet, and easy - not the easiest of all of my children, but far from the most difficult - definitely on the easy side.

The teachers just can't seem to handle him. They don't seem to have the seichel to figure out how to manage him...everything becomes a battle of wills, and nobody has a strong will like a 4 year old. It's so frustrating - everyday we hear about this tantrum or that tantrum and we can't even believe it is the same child that we're talking about because he just doesn't meltdown like that at home. We even paid to have a child psychologist and educational / behaviorist consultant observe the class and also talk to him and they said - you guessed it - normal 4 year old, but the teachers don't give him enough space / time to decompress so they just keep him stirred up - so what would be a sour face for a couple of minutes ends up escalating into a half hour tantrum. (He really said that the teachers were a couple of "one trick ponies, and the same trick doesn't work for every child").

Anyhow, so now the school basically thinks that the suggestions that were made for the teachers to modify how they interact with him aren't "realistic" (although they've never been able to explain why - just made some lame excuses) and it looks (although a final decision hasn't been made) like he's going to be kicked out of preschool!

Frankly I don't know whether to be angry (b/c we don't have any other religious school options), or relieved (b/c I really think that they're incompetent and ought not to be teaching in the first place). So I'm so upset about this whole thing that I'd really like to just move him to a secular school and have done with it all. Except I can't stomach the thought of his being in a non-religious school! I can't home school - I work all day. The whole thing is just too ridiculous - I don't have any problem handling the kid - what's so difficult? And I have a LOT of young children close in age in the house, so it's not that he's getting undivided attention or something...he's just a regular kid like my others...

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tamiri

Thu, Nov 08 2007, 2:12 pm

So he's deemed normal by the experts. Hmmm. Why not put him in something like a JCC if you have one in your area? Although it won't be a religious experience, the teachers there are certified and generally competent (I have had the pleasure of dealing with 4 different JCCs in my lifetime). It's sort of Jewish, they will try and accomodate your requests (my kid wore Tzitzit and a hat there while only one other kid in the class did and the teachers knew he could only have OU etc. food) and he may have a pleasant pre school experience. Don't let incompetence ruin his school career.
The question that I have to you OP: if he is deemed normal, then how do the other kids act? Are they also considered normal or calm or what did the expert tell you?

amother

Thu, Nov 08 2007, 2:40 pm

Quote:

if he is deemed normal, then how do the other kids act? Are they also considered normal or calm or what did the expert tell you?

I didn't ask about the other kids in the class.

It was enough for me to hear he's an "absolutely normal" boy. The psychologist did tell me that in his experience he has found particular teachers at this school to be unduly rigid and not the highest caliber, generally speaking. (but, again, we don't have a lot of choices either). His feeling is that this is more a matter of personalities clashing and that once the kid is off on the wrong foot, it is hard for him to ever redeem himself in the eyes of the morah because she's already labelled him in her own mind, so even if he behaves the same as the other children, he gets the negative attention and complaints more than a child exhibiting the exact same behavior.

The JCC is a good idea. I'll look into that. There's also a Shechter, which is so totally not our hashkafa, but might be good for a year or two until he's a little older.

amother

Tue, Jan 01 2008, 8:44 pm

Just letting you know the end of the story:

He did indeed get kicked out (we had the option of hiring an aide for him which we can't afford and which we thought utterly ridiculous so effectively he was kicked out).

It was the best thing that could have happened.

We found a preschool (orthodox) that was willing to give him a trial.

He's been there for about 6 weeks now, and there've been NO tantrums or problems at the new school whatsoever. In fact, his new morah says that she can't believe that the other school had difficulties with him because he's such an easy child. It's nice to feel vindicated!

I guess it was a personality conflict or something, but in the end I'm glad he's where he is, with a morah who likes him, rather than having a difficult year with one who didn't care for him.

All for the best...

ange

Mon, Jan 07 2008, 12:05 pm

B"H my kids behave pretty well at school (better than at home!) but what you described op sounded so similar to the preschool my kids went to/are in.

Some of the older teachers seem to be very burnt out, waiting to retire, and do not have any uptraining in the past 40 yrs they've been doing this.

Luckily, they are balanced by good assistants, but it's easy to imagine how one personality clash could doom a kid.

I'm glad things worked out with you and I hope you'll encourage other mothers in your community about this other option for them.

Hatzlocha!