Mom spending lots of time locked in to bedroom

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:46 pm

I spend a great deal of time in my room relaxing on my phone or with a book.
My kids are already the ages to be busy with friends more than they need my company although they might’ve liked to see me more. I am sensory and get overwhelmed by too much noise easily.
Of course I’m there to send them off in the morning and to serve dinner in the afternoon but I can sometimes be locked in for an hour or more at a time. Is it unhealthy? Or like others ask, dysfunctional?

amother

Violet

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:51 pm

I grew up with a mom like this. It had zero negative effect on me. As a mom of a bunch of little ones I look back and am in awe of her self care. Like how?!? It feels like if I leave to use the bathroom the world will come to an end!

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:52 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

Couldn’t do it when my kids were really little. I’m talking about elementary age kids and up.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:54 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I do the same.
Sometimes I feel guilty/lazy/selfish for it, but I do think it keeps me happy and calm which ultimately benefits my kids.

Stars

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:55 pm

Enjoy your time with no guilt. I'm assuming your kids can come and get you at anytime without you blowing up at them , right?
If so, it's 100% fine.

RuralIma

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:58 pm

Elementary age and up are fine on their own for a little bit. What's the alternative? A mom at her wits end? I don't remember ever spending a significant amount of time with my parents when I was a kid. I was too busy playing with my siblings or toys or friends to worry about what they were up to. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Everyone needs space.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:09 pm

Stars wrote:

Enjoy your time with no guilt. I'm assuming your kids can come and get you at anytime without you blowing up at them , right?
If so, it's 100% fine.

Of course they know where my bedroom is located. I don’t actually blow up but I can become frustrated if they knock in too often.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:12 pm

You’re all making me feel pretty good. I felt guilty that maybe only the school hours are meant for me to have self care time and otherwise they should see me all or most of the afternoon.
I would certainly be irritable if I’d spend all of the afternoon in their company.

amother

Plum

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:14 pm

If you're not locked into the room most of the day and they know that can come to you whenever needed, I think it's ok.
I do think though that being locked in your room most of the day may be a sign of depression.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:19 pm

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

If you're not locked into the room most of the day and they know that can come to you whenever needed, I think it's ok.

Now I have to see what would qualify for “most of the day”
A typical afternoon looks like this:
I’m there to greet them after school and give them a snack. Talk a little bit about the day
Into room for an hour
Serve dinner and sit there a few minutes while they eat (not until they finish)
Back to room another hour
Do some housework
Back to room, with a few interruptions until bed time.
Husband comes home very late.
What do I score?

amother

Khaki

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:22 pm

My mom locked herself in her bedroom a lot when she was depressed. It would upset me when it happened and I’d beg her to come out. If your kids really don’t seem to mind it though it’s probably not the biggest issue, but you should really make sure of that if you haven’t.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:25 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

I didn’t think of asking them. I feel funny asking such a question but I’ll think about it. I’m not depressed bh just can’t handle too much noise and action. I’m introverted and sensory.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:27 pm

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

possibly off topic but how'd you manage when they were little? looking for some ideas Wink

I didn’t and was often overwhelmed and irritable. However I also had more patience then. Gets used up with age you know.

RuralIma

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Kids need to unwind after school too. This sounds like an okay schedule to me. You're spending time with them but everyone also gets a chance to decompress and do their own thing for a bit as well.

amother

Orchid

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That’s kinda alot. I think you should try to be there for more than a few minutes at a time.
Maybe try half hour on and half hour off?

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:42 pm

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

That’s kinda alot. I think you should try to be there for more than a few minutes at a time.
Maybe try half hour on and half hour off?

I can and sometimes try and very often they are either on phone or out with neighbors when I decide to be more present.
But I guess I score “too much time in bedroom” according to you.

lk1234

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:51 pm

I am the same way OP - I am an introvert and need my space. When I have more energy of course I spend more time with them. At least once a week we go to the library for the afternoon - so right there I am spending a lot of time with them. On shabbos I'm around all day to take walks and play games. And erev shabbos we bake together. But otherwise, during the workweek as in Monday - Friday, I really need quiet time and have a similar schedule to what you are describing. As long as you have times when you truly enjoy them and are spending quality time with them AND at all times they know that you are around on an "as needed" basis I think it is okay.

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:52 pm

lk1234 wrote:

Are you me? I should’ve mentioned that on weekends we bake together and play games etc.
It’s the weekday schedule I was referring too.