Finally connected to Tehillim

amother

Sat, Aug 22 2020, 8:38 pm

Today was heartbreaking. Or rather I was already so heartbroken. I dont really want to talk about what actually happened. But my husband disappointed me enough that I wanted to uncover my hair and leave the house. Make a statement. I didnt do it. For various reasons. One of them being that my problems are with my husband and not with Hashem. Anyway the most amazing thing happened. I had promised to read Tehillim today. And I was reading. And for the first time EVER. I read a line that hit me to the core. That had me sobbing with it truth and also its desperation. Karati Bchol Lev Aneni Hashem Chukecha etzora. And I felt it with all my heart. Husband or no husband. The only yeshua comes from Hashem. And I’m trying my best to do the right things. Even though today I wanted to drive the bodega, smoke a pack of cigs and bare my hair. I didn’t. Because my love that I have for Hashem is all the love I can feel right now. Karati bchol lev, aneni Hashem, chukecha etzora. I’m calling out to Hashem with all my heart, please answer me, I will keep your mitzvot.