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Forum
-> Pregnancy & Childbirth
-> Baby Names
amother
OP
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Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:09 pm
Not immediately nogeiah, but I know that if we do have another baby it would be "my turn" to choose a name.
My grandmother was a special person, very learned and lived to be 100 years old. She lived in Israel so I didn't get to know her super personally but I did get to spend time with her as a 98 year old when I was in seminary.
She was "sharp" until the end, but what makes it hard for me to name after her is that her last opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk with me she chose to chew me and my father out for something that MAYBE was his fault but "life" got in the way and resulting lifestyle habits that led to his untimely demise. Namely that "he got fat", and weight has always been a struggle for me though I am otherwise healthy and eat well.
My aunt and uncle overheard the conversation and they tried to dismiss it, but I don't deny that there was definitely "something" to the conversation because towards the end of his life, my father had an opportunity to see his mother when she came to the States for the last time, but no one understood at the time, he didn't take the opportunity. When she had this conversation with me, it seems like he was perhaps embarrassed about his situation.
I'm just so frustrated that she chose to end our relationship that way and so far there are no females named after her.
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amother
Jade
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Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:25 pm
I’m sorry you have a sour feeling about your grandmother. I wouldn’t worry about it until its applicable. (And I worry about and try control everything lol)
I remember a friend who complained about having to name for a grandparent she didn’t particularly like, before she gave birth a grandparent she was close with passed. Almost like she got her prayers answered but in a rotten kind of way...
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Nov 17 2020, 12:30 pm
Ouch. That really hurts.
I hope that over time, you can forgive her. It's too bad that she couldn't take it back or soften her attitude before she passed.
Can you look at it this way? She had 100 years of an amazing life, and one really bad conversation. If you weigh them, which one comes out on top?
If you can't look past it, you need to be at peace with that decision, as well.
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agreer
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Tue, Nov 17 2020, 1:10 pm
Gotta agree with FF.
100 years is amazing. You liked her for most of her life.
Everyone makes mistakes. No matter how sharp she was at the end, it could be her mind wasn't 100% clear when she chewed out your dad. Maybe she felt she was getting close to the end and was just upset. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
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Shuly
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Tue, Nov 17 2020, 1:59 pm
This was her way of processing the death of her son. It was traumatic for her and she probably had feelings of guilt that maybe she could have convinced him to lose weight and then he would not have died young.
She loved you so much and cared so much about you so she wanted to make sure you would be healthy and that nothing bad would ever ch"v happen to you.
My grandmother was the same. She lived until 99 and she lost 2 sons to heart attacks in her lifetime. The guilt ate at her for years and she thought that she could have prevented their deaths if she would have raised them to have healthier lifestyles. It was very hard for her to see any of her children or grandchildren gaining a lot of weight as she had such a fear of losing them too.
Your grandmother loved you and your father more than anything and that's why she brought up the topic.
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amother
Peach
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Wed, Nov 18 2020, 2:40 am
What do you think about balancing out her name with a middle name like Naama (which means "pleasantness')? In the hope that your DD will be like her but more pleasant.
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amother
Apricot
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Wed, Nov 18 2020, 7:14 am
Sounds like she struggled with regrets and blames herself & your dad for going down that path of struggling with weight & effects. In essence she wished better for him & you. Poor choice to share that with you. But hopefully you know there were more parts to her. Afa naming, it is your life. No need to drive yourself crazy in advance. You can add a name or prepare 2 alternatives to decide later after baby is born.
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salt
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Wed, Nov 18 2020, 7:55 am
Assuming it's a biblical name, or a name that other righteous women have shared in the past, you can also have in mind other namesakes of the same name.
eg. Sarah - you're naming after your grandmother, and also after Sarah imeinu.
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