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-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
OP
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Fri, Nov 27 2020, 8:42 am
Help me please!
Dh and I are introverts, and I had a rough social life in school so I'm not that helpful!
Ds 6 is clever, funny, creative, bright. He loves Lego, art, music, running around, trying his hand at sports but not that athletic. He is liked among this school friends and neighbors. However he refuses to go to anyone's house if they have older siblings. Which is all our neighbors. He also doesn't invite them- he waits for them to knock on our door. He refuses to join in games like cops and robbers even though he's invited to join, because older kids are playing; he says he doesn't know all the rules. In the summer all the kids play sports together but he's intimidated by the older kids (second graders or siblings of the first graders); he's not athletic in the first place but with kids his own age he's more willing to try. He doesn't seem to feel bad or left out, but I don't think it's healthy for him to shabbos after shabbos refuse to play with other people, unless they knock on his door (which is infrequent- they way it works is the boys who are outside just join up and play together. My son doesn't like to join in).
Advice?
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amother
Mauve
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Fri, Nov 27 2020, 9:34 am
The first thing I'd think of is that your ds was gravely mistreated or even abused by an older child or children and is now afraid to associate with older children entirely. In the gentlest way possible, do some probing to find out. Your ds may need help getting past this.
For the short-term, why not have your ds formally invite friends to come over to your house to play? He can call them shortly before shabbos and agree upon a time. It's a little old-fashioned courtesy, but courtesy never goes out of style.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Nov 28 2020, 8:58 pm
I don't think that is the reason. I will try to speak with him (over shabbos I actually tried asking but it wasn't a good time to talk). I was the same when I was a kid- I hated when my best friend's older brother was home. I was intimidated.
Here, he is intimidated and knows they'll be playing games that he isn't so good at or doesn't know all the rules to...
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amother
Pumpkin
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Sat, Nov 28 2020, 9:02 pm
To me it also sounded like he might have been mistreated or abused by older children.
As a matter of principle, I would not force children to do things like that for their own good.
If he is content at home and keeps himself busy, why would you want to force him to go with other children? Maybe he needs to find a true find who shares his particular interests...
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amother
OP
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Sat, Nov 28 2020, 9:09 pm
I edited my post. I shouldn't have said "lately"- this is not new, it's just that until now the moms would arrange playdates and the kids would play inside or in our yard. Now that they're older, they play with whichever neighbors are outside, and the younger boys join in basketball/football/cops and robbers with the older boys. My son is the oldest. He's not used to the fast paced games, and he's really not athletic or aggressive (basketballs/football).
I'd love for him to have a likeminded friend nearby but unfortunately we haven't found that in a neighbor. The boys all like him, but they end up playing sports with their own older brothers...
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amother
Lawngreen
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Sat, Nov 28 2020, 9:42 pm
Are there any local team sports (leagues) he could join? He’d be playing with kids his own age and be taught all the rules, as well as tips and tricks to get better. Hopefully make new friends on an even playing field.
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amother
OP
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Sat, Nov 28 2020, 9:55 pm
amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote: | Are there any local team sports (leagues) he could join? He’d be playing with kids his own age and be taught all the rules, as well as tips and tricks to get better. Hopefully make new friends on an even playing field. |
He actually did start one. He enjoys although I'm not sure he's learning enough about the game. I guess we'll see as the season progresses.
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