Is thinking bad of someone also lashon Hara?

amother

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 4:56 am

I am doing a shmirat halashon mishmeret for us and other couples to have the zchut to have children bh.
I am trying to be very careful on my speech during the mishmeret but I was wondering whether bad thoughts are also considered Lashon Hara?
The reason I am asking is because I got a phone call during my mishmeret the other day that made me upset and instead of sharing the frustration with my husband (which would have been lashon hara) kept them to myself but got stressed just because of my thoughts.

mimivan

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 5:03 am

I've learned that thoughts that stam come into your mind are not a problem, but if you hold onto them, it is not the same gravity as lashon hara, but it can do some spiritual damage if the thoughts cause anger or sadness..

This again, is not in the category of lashon hara, but the Rambam said is is not permitted to hold a grudge. It is better that someone speak calmly to the person he or she is upset with about the grievance rather than hold it inside..

I think lashon hara is a whole other category (I don't know how "more" or "less" severe it is than holding a grudge, though) but holding a grudge can lead to the prohbition against hating one's brother in one's heart.

btw beware of stress or depression, because according to Chassidus, it is a trick of the yetzer hara. Sometimes the yetzer gets us to do an aveira or to think about doing an aveira in order to upset us, which can cause spiritual damage. In the Tanya, the Alter Rebbe writes one should be happy, rather than disappointed or stressed, when one is tempted to sin and refrains.

dont' get stressed by the temptation to say lashon hara...you resisted it, so feel good..

b'hatzlacha

amother

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 12:53 pm

Quote:

This again, is not in the category of lashon hara, but the Rambam said is is not permitted to hold a grudge. It is better that someone speak calmly to the person he or she is upset with about the grievance rather than hold it inside..

The thing I don't understand about that is that sometimes letting the person know rather then holding a grugde just backfires.
It can cause fights and then you are left with a bigger grudge and nothing resolved.
What do you do in such cases.
For example I'm still hurt by something I really should let go of already but there is no way for me to deal with it directly with the person. What

Tehilla

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 1:02 pm

a thought that comes into your mind that is not good, just pass it right out of your mind. the important thing is not to dwell on it.

thoughts do have power. there is a story about a chassid who once saw his friend on Yom Kippur (I think please correct if wrong) inhale a pinch of snuff. this friend thought negatively about his fellow chassid's use of snuff on such a holy day. shamayim listened to him, and sealed a death sentence for the other chassid. the Rebbe heard/saw all of this and was trying to avert the disaster. he then worked circumstances so that the original chassid (with negative thoughts) ended up desperately needing a "snuff." when he saw how fragrant it was, and how it revived him--he remembered his friend and thought "Oh, I see how important it is! How could I have thought he didn't need it!?" Shamayim in turn listened to him, and the second chassid was blessed once more with life, and brachas. The Rebbe then explained to the first chassid what happened, and cautioned him on thinking positively.

yes I know well that we cannot control every thought flying through our heads, but we can control what we dwell on. the Lubavitcher Rebbe said many times, "Tracht gut v'zein gut" is what we should focus on. our thoughts very much have an effect!

mumoo

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 1:12 pm

shmiras halashon refers to speech. but since thought dictates speech, it is helpful to minimize negative thoughts that could lead to negative speech, or stress, if you controlled the speech thing.

I can't explain as well as Yehudis Samet does in the intro to The Other Side of the Story, but basically, if we accustom ourselves to be dan lcaf zchus one the benefits is we are not frustrated by negative thoughts or tempted to negative speech.