Are Charedi Women Becoming More Career Focused?

amother

Silver

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 11:37 am

amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:

The stories above may be sad, but I could see them happening.

You have a well educated, earning woman who has just started having kids. You have a kollel man who doesn't even have an entry level job or an education. What would be the practical, easiest choice, who should support the family?

I think every woman who is passionate about being a SAHM should marry an earner, someone who is already on a career track. You can't marry a learning guy with some vague promise that when you give birth, he will start floundering around, looking for an entry level position or getting a career education, while you will be able to quit your solid-income-earning job.

I agree but the problem is you don't have that many young men in the chareidi world who are already on a career track or working in their early to mid 20s. Many have vague plans, but plans don't mean anything when you are 22 and have never left the yeshiva bubble.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 12:53 pm

Quote:

there's just no jobs. The market is flooded and they want people with more experience.

But this is true for secular programmers just out of school too. It's a very very rough market for brand new programmers.
In part, that's a benefit of these charedi michlalot that then give you a low paycheck to work through them. By the time you're looking for a job at a "regular" company, you have some experience, some portfolio of work.
I earn more than 4x my starting salary now and built my way up.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 3:06 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

So that's a problem. Young women should be aware of that. They go into marriage starry eyed, but adult life requires practicality too.

A young woman should know that there is a huge risk that circumstances will dictate she continue working at her solid job long term, at least until her dh has a solid income of his own (which could take years). In other words, if you marry a kollel man, you likely won't be able to just quit your job a year or two later in order to be a sahm.

It doesn't matter what your starry eyed yeshiva bochur says to the girl across him when dating. Could be he wants her to be a sahm too, theoretically. But when push comes to shove, he will realize it's not feasible.

Young women who want to be sahms should insist on dating men who are already on a career track at 22. Yes, I know, it's not conventional. But doing otherwise is taking a huge risk, if you really want to be a SAHM.

amother

Silver

Tue, Jan 05 2021, 3:39 pm

It's not so much unconventional as almost unheard of, in chareidi circles, anyway.
The chareidi women I know who married chareidi guys on a career track were a bit older, usually in their upper 20s. Because they had matured and had life experience, observed what happened to their starry eyed young kollel kallah friends seversl years in, and realized the ramifications of possibly being the breadwinner long term or permanently. And by that point, there were available chareidi men in their age range who were still single but had moved on from that yeshiva bubble to a career or reasonable job track.
It's really unusual for a single chareidi guy under age of 25 (and usually a bit older) to do so.