Naming grandparents who passed away on invitation

amother

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:28 am

I know it's the custom to put the names of grandparents on a wedding invitation.
What about grandparents who have passed away?
How do you write it if one is alive and one passed away?

(If your answer is "do it however you want," yes, I know I can do it however I want. I want to know how other people do it.)

paperflowers

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:31 am

I think it’s really odd to have dead grandparents on a invitation but mine were there nonetheless. I think if one was alive and one had passed away we put them on separate lines.

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:39 am

My niece's wedding invite had my father and his wife on it, and on the line below, name of my mother A"H.

ETA - on my sister's wedding invite, there was my mother's name underneath hers (bas hamenucha and then my mother's name), and just my father's name (he wasn't remarried yet) on the bottom.

Also, my grandmother (she should live to 120) and it says Aishes R' .....z'l.

Last edited by Chayalle on Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:41 am; edited 1 time in total

Fast Forward

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:41 am

I just received an invitation where they wrote the grandparents' names on both the Hebrew and English sides. The Hebrew side had a zayin"lamed after the ones who were niftar and the English side had a z"l. Usually, I just see the grandparents' names on the Hebrew side.

dankbar

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:43 am

They usually write Rivka Schwartz eishes R Mordchai a"h

If both of them are not alive it's either skipped or by Mechutan's name it will say ben hamonoach R' Mordechai

chocolatecake

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 10:49 am

My mother bh has both parents and my fathers parents both passed away. I like the invitations to look the symetrical so I do mothers parents and then my fathers parents with a z'l after.

trixx

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 11:01 am

I've seen invitations with recently passed away grandparent and it says zl.
For a couple, Mrs shetichye and rabbi zl

LovesHashem

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 11:16 am

A"h and Z"L

I definitely wanted them on there and so did DH.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 11:44 am

paperflowers wrote:

I think it’s really odd to have dead grandparents on a invitation but mine were there nonetheless. I think if one was alive and one had passed away we put them on separate lines.

There are many people one invites through obligation rather than because one is close to them and wants them to be there. Grandparents, alive or otherwise, are mentioned because --well, in some cases it's a bragfest because the grandparents were or are prominent people, but from a practical standpoint they're mentioned because some of the people being invited may be connected through the grandparents and have little or nothing to do with the parents of the chosson or kallah. My cousin Mordy had kah a lot of kids and trust me I don't know his daughters' married names. I don't know even the given names of any of the kids beyond the first two or three. So when their dd invites me to her child's wedding, I'm looking at the invite and wondering who on earth are Rabbi and Mrs. Avinoam Goldblatt or Dr. and Mrs. Malachi Haimowitz and which couple invited me? But when I see at the bottom that the chosson's grandparents are Mordechai and Reva Mendelson, I know that this is cousin Mordy's grandson getting married, and Dr. and Mrs. Haimowitz are Mordy's dd and sil.

paperflowers

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 11:53 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Interesting, I never thought about it like that. My family is not that large. In my case there were other shalom bayis reasons why they all needed to be mentioned. It’s not that I didn’t love my grandparents - I was actually very close to them - but I didn’t see a need to have them inviting my guests if they weren’t alive. I honor them in other ways. But I hear how it can be important in huge families like yours.

Last edited by paperflowers on Wed, Jan 27 2021, 1:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lemon

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 12:52 pm

dankbar wrote:

They usually write Rivka Schwartz eishes R Mordchai a"h

If both of them are not alive it's either skipped or by Mechutan's name it will say ben hamonoach R' Mordechai

Yes, this is mainly what I've seen.

amother

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 6:12 pm

paperflowers wrote:

Well, in my case at least, if the local custom is to put grandparents names and you leave them off, then it can be taken as a slight on the grandparents. Or maybe one in-law wants their parents mentioned so then you have all four in-laws putting their parents names on too.

I don’t really know. This is my first wedding so I have no idea.

At my wedding all four of my grandparents were alive and all four of his were long gone. So mine got a mention and his didn’t. It wouldn’t have made sense to put names of grandparents who had passed away 25+ years before. But if they passed recently and people still remember them, or if you’re mentioning one half of a couple, I can see why people would want to put them on.

LovesHashem

Wed, Jan 27 2021, 11:12 pm

I've heard the neshamos come down for the wedding.