going hysterical | Imamother

amother

Sun, Aug 07 2005, 12:21 pm

I have a just turned 3 yr old son who is such a good boy, but he has changed in the last few months and it worries me. he used to be easy to reason with. if I said no he cant have something but I explained why he would accept it with no tears. now he has changed. every single time something doesnt go his way he screams. it seems to me that he is tense and flips out when something rocks the boat. if I tell him he cant have a bigger piece of cake he screams and cries and I just cant get him to calm down. he gets himself worked up so much that he cant control himself and lashes out kicking and screaming. as much as I try I cant calm him down. the only thing that I can do at that point is put him in timeout (which is me forcing him to sit still for 2 seconds while I buckle him into a chair that he cant get out of.) where he screams but when I take him out he quiets down. its gotten to the point where I am hesitant to tell him what to do if I'm not sure he'll listen. I dont want to get him so worked up again. if I tell him no then I have to stick to it no matter what so I'd rather not tell him no to begin with.
it worries me that he's become so tense and angry and unable to handle disappointment. does anyone else have a child like this? is this a typical 3 yr old stage?

(reason for amother is to protect my son's privacy)

Mandy

Sun, Aug 07 2005, 10:08 pm

I wouldn't worry too much about it yet. If he has been in school/camp and seen kids behave this way, he could just have picked up some habits from them. Here's my advice :
1. Choose your battles carefully and be very consistent and loving.
2. Sometimes making a calming down list can help. Like one day when he is in a good mood, have him list three ideas for calming down (example: look at a book, eat cheerios, color a picture etc.). Then make a poster or a sign with those activities on it and remind him to calm himself down when he is starting to get upset.
3. Start saying things around the house when you are obviously annoyed or upset - like count aloud to ten slowly or say " I'm not going to let this annoying thing ruin my day". He will pick it up and copy you. Good luck.

Tefila

Mon, Aug 08 2005, 8:53 am

Quote:

3. Start saying things around the house when you are obviously annoyed or upset - like count aloud to ten slowly or say " I'm not going to let this annoying thing ruin my day". He will pick it up and copy you. Good luck.

Great advice what r u in u'r other life mandy honest now Very Happy

ForeverYoung
Guest

Mon, Aug 08 2005, 10:56 am

If you sent him out to day care e might be having problems with somebody there.

Check out the adults and kids around him.

Find out what he does and with whom.

My son didn't want to go to school for no appearent reason, untill I pulled out of him that there was a bully in his class & took care of it.

gitty

Mon, Aug 08 2005, 8:55 pm

Its a stage I find that telling the child calmly that I you cant have whatever it is calmly and then walking away and ignoring the tantrum usually works. Sometimes Mommy goes to "timeout" I close my door and tell him when he calms down I'll come out but I dont want to listen to screaming. I ve also tried taking away something he loves and telling him that Mommy took away your " " because you were ____________. He understands and it teaches him limits. GOOD LUCK Smile

amother

Wed, Aug 17 2005, 2:13 pm

he is not in school yet, will start this year. and no day care either. so no problems their. Mandy your post gave me the idea of getting him to sit on a relaxing stool. basically he sits there until he can be quiet, no screaming or even whimpering for 10 secs. it turns into a game b/c I start counting over again each time he makes a sound and he ends up laughing.
thanks.
I think what has changed is that the house is more hectic than usual for different reasons. and he feels the tension and stress.

Purple Hug Bunny

Wed, Aug 17 2005, 11:49 pm

amother, you got great advice,
I'll elaborate on each of them.

When you send him to timout, don't put him in a chair, put him in a room, and tell him when he's ready to be quiet and behave like a big boy, he can come out.
A very true and tested method is a timer. set the timer for about 1-2 mins. depending on the age of the child, and tell him, when the timer rings you can come out, but until then you have to sit here and relax, and if he screams, you add a few secs. to the timer.
Promising s/thing or threatening that you will take away his favorite toy/snack. be sure that you can follow through with what you say.
I've heard parents tell their children, when they don't behaving in the shopping center, " if YOu dont behave, I'll leave you here" I think this is rediculous, can you leave a child alone in a shopping center? no, then don't threaten him with that, but threaten with s/thing doable, and s/thing that you plan to follow through. he will test you again and again and if you fail, he will think, oh she said she was gonna do this but she didn't, that means I can try my luck again. they will push button after button, but you have to be consistent.

I like the idea of things to do to calm him down.
Lots of good luck.