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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
amother
OP
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 10:17 am
I find it so interesting, my approach to money relative to others here, and I am wondering if it is just personality, if it is age/generational, haskafa/community norms, financial status...?
If I was given $350, I would not be thinking about what do I want to use it for, in the same sense as the OP of the other thread. I would either use it for an Yom Tov expenses (food/children’s clothing/YT dress for me that I wanted but didn’t really need but wanted), put it in the bank, or use it to buy something that I already wanted and had my eye on, but was saving up for/needed an excuse. On the flip, if I see something that I want, within reason, if I can afford it-I buy it without needing a reason (other that it is on sale and I will either not get it at that price or it will be sold out and I want it).
What do we think contributes to these different attitudes towards money?
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amother
Indigo
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 10:41 am
When I get a bonus or money gift, I use it to splurge on something that I wouldn't spend on or couldn't afford otherwise. I don't use it for regular expenses because we'd have to anyways get by without the bonus.
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amother
Blonde
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 10:45 am
I think it depends on how much money you have and how much stuff you want.
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thunderstorm
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 10:48 am
amother [ Indigo ] wrote: | When I get a bonus or money gift, I use it to splurge on something that I wouldn't spend on or couldn't afford otherwise. I don't use it for regular expenses because we'd have to anyways get by without the bonus. |
Yes. That’s my stance in regard to bonus money as well.
I have a whole dream list of things I would never buy otherwise , so I don’t have to ask for ideas. But I’d use the funds to buy something I otherwise would never fargin myself to get . I view it as an extra to be spent on something extra.
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amother
Sapphire
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 10:48 am
I think it depends mostly on personality. I'm not the kind of person who needs or enjoys alot of "things." I also hate shopping. New shoes or handbag etc wouldn't bring me any pleasure. So when I get a bonus it goes straight into our savings account, mutual funds or IRA
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amother
Brown
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 10:50 am
amother [ Blonde ] wrote: | I think it depends on how much money you have and how much stuff you want. |
This is true.
I need very little. But when I want something I buy it and don’t feel I can’t afford.
When I get presents I do put in a sep savings account. I just got $250 for my birthday from my parents and in laws. But I really don’t want or need anything. I do keep it sep from groceries.
I just bought my kids an expensive item (large outdoor sports equipment) I’ll benefit from but dh insisted I save the money for me. But what do I need? He suggested linen. But I buy that so rarely. So the money sits.
Actually thinking about it - Last year I did buy some nice outdoor patio furniture that makes me happy. So I guess I do spend it.
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SuperWify
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 10:58 am
Obviously if you can afford extras you can have that mindset. But if your on a tighter budget every extra dollar makes a huge difference.
I know because I have been in both places and your attitude changes based on your wallets contents.
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amother
OP
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:09 am
thunderstorm wrote: | Yes. That’s my stance in regard to bonus money as well.
I have a whole dream list of things I would never buy otherwise , so I don’t have to ask for ideas. But I’d use the funds to buy something I otherwise would never fargin myself to get . I view it as an extra to be spent on something extra. |
But that is to my point. You have a dream list and it is what you specifically want and have been waiting to afford. It the other thead, it sounds like it is just burning a hole in her pocket and she is buying something not because she wants it, but rather because she can.
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amother
Indigo
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:12 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | But that is to my point. You have a dream list and it is what you specifically want and have been waiting to afford. It the other thead, it sounds like it is just burning a hole in her pocket and she is buying something not because she wants it, but rather because she can. |
She's buying herself a treat because she got a bonus that's meant to be used as a bonus, to treat yourself to something you wouldn't usually buy.
DH got a bonus to be used towards a vacation. They won't give him the money till he takes off to go on vacation. A bones is an extra and we don't count it into our regular budget. Not everyone has a dream list and some might need ideas for how they can treat themselves.
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thunderstorm
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:20 am
amother [ OP ] wrote: | But that is to my point. You have a dream list and it is what you specifically want and have been waiting to afford. It the other thead, it sounds like it is just burning a hole in her pocket and she is buying something not because she wants it, but rather because she can. |
It’s not that I can’t afford what’s on my dream list. I know that those items are really extra wants and that I don’t want to spend my regular money on, even though I could afford it. But now I received this bonus that was not expected or totally extra. So that’s when I’ll do that purchase that I would have otherwise never bothered to do.
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librarygirl
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:22 am
If you can't afford to buy something for $350 without a bonus the money should be put in savings.
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amother
Bronze
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:24 am
thunderstorm wrote: | It’s not that I can’t afford what’s on my dream list. I know that those items are really extra wants and that I don’t want to spend my regular money on, even though I could afford it. But now I received this bonus that was not expected or totally extra. So that’s when I’ll do that purchase that I would have otherwise never bothered to do. |
Is chocolate in that category? 🍫 Or something more “frivolous”? (For me that’s a professional organizer and getting my palette done. My dream list that I don’t dare spend money on now because we’re super tight. I wonder if I’d spend bonus money on it or feel pressured to use that for our expenses and debt. So far I put a YT bonus check from parent to groceries. :/)
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amother
Bronze
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:25 am
librarygirl wrote: | If you can't afford to buy something for $350 without a bonus the money should be put in savings. |
Or even to pay debt.
But on the other hand, it’s hard to feel “deprived” and not have new things. And $350 won’t make it or beak it in savings but can go a long way in elevating quality of life. Maybe it can go towards something like a new shaitel....
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amother
Indigo
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:26 am
librarygirl wrote: | If you can't afford to buy something for $350 without a bonus the money should be put in savings. |
No, you shouldn't. I have savings bh. A bonus is a bonus made to be used for bonus stuff. I don't buy myself any extra I want just because. I don't count a bonus into my budget, it's as if the money isn't there.
It's the same as getting a gift I can't afford, we're not supposed to sell the gift and put the money into savings.
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thunderstorm
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:28 am
amother [ Bronze ] wrote: | Is chocolate in that category? 🍫 Or something more “frivolous”? (For me that’s a professional organizer and getting my palette done. My dream list that I don’t dare spend money on now because we’re super tight. I wonder if I’d spend bonus money on it or feel pressured to use that for our expenses and debt. So far I put a YT bonus check from parent to groceries. :/) |
A bonus check from parents I would also put towards Yom Tov or something I wanted for Yom Tov or for the kids . But when I get a bonus from work, I want to buy something exclusively for myself . Something special and extra as a way of rewarding myself for the hard work that I do at the office. I view it in a totally different category.
Oh...and chocolate has never been on my dream list.
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amother
Royalblue
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:34 am
The money I earn from my salary goes to necessities, like yt and clothes and groceries etc. Anything extra goes toward anything extra.
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amother
Oak
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 11:38 am
If I get a bonus it goes straight to my account. I use it for regular stuff usually. I don't necessarily need things usually and when I do I buy them.
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amother
Jade
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Fri, Mar 19 2021, 12:19 pm
Lol I’m the op from that thread. I honestly don’t have a wish list so I posted for some help. A new wig is the only think I wish for right now which I’m getting with part of our stimulus iyh. New clothes for myself and family are part of our budget so that’s not something I’d like to use this bonus for. I don’t want to just stash it in the bank because I never expected this money and I work hard enough to treat myself something with it.
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