What’s this obsession

amother

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 12:50 pm

What’s this obsession of how much posters make, how much their husbands make. If they can afford this and that, if they’re in debt. I don’t get it.

doodlesmom

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 12:56 pm

This is something that people can not discuss in real life, but gathering such info albeit anonymously can impact their life, decisions, how they view things etc.

I think it’s actually important to know the data, without linking info to actual people.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 1:09 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

I think it's this, but it's important to realize that people's circumstances are different and just because one poster makes a lot of money doing X, doesn't mean other people will.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 1:21 pm

I posted similar finance questions years ago, as a newlywed.
Growing up, finances weren't discussed.
I got married and suddenly had bills to pay without any idea of how to pay them, or how to budget, or navigate anything. Posts like these helped me set financial goals, budgeting goals, savings goals, etc.

I'm not shy about this topic irl at this point, and the more I speak to people, I find out how so many are wondering how others are making it, how they are staying afloat, etc.

It's more than plain old curiosity, it's about education.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 1:38 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

I always had a pretty good sense of budgeting and paying bills. Problem is I married a guy who not only had no clue how to budget, he was fiercely resistant to any attempt to budget or set financial goals. We still haven't resolved the problem 25 years later. So, I avoid these threads because they're very frustrating for me. Yeah, yeah, I know we do everything wrong and we're crazy.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 1:50 pm

It's an awkward topic to discuss in person, especially if your friends are in a very different income bracket. Learning about other's spending and financial habits can help us figure out what is normal and how to make educated financial decisions.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 2:28 pm

Better ask what's this imamother obsession with knowing all kinds of private, none-of-their-business details about other people's lives, most of which serve no purpose other than satisfying their yentish appetites. Hamevin yavin.

Crookshanks

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 4:00 pm

Because it's interesting, hello!!! My telescope broke recently so now I can't spy on people through the windows...it's a sad substitute but it works for me.

English3

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 5:02 pm

Crookshanks wrote:

Because it's interesting, hello!!! My telescope broke recently so now I can't spy on people through the windows...it's a sad substitute but it works for me.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 5:57 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

Oh gosh. I was reading your post and hoping to read how you figured it out and doing well now.
Unfortunately I’m in the same boat but only married 5 years.
I wish there was something for me to do.
My husband has ADHD and a business which is not really working out but he will never give it up because of the embarrassment.

amother

Beige

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 6:55 pm

Good question. I say the yenta part is there but also the genuine curiosity about how others are doing their thing. What I can't take is that these posts somehow force us to justify having extra because of whatever our income bracket is. Like...if you went to grad school, focused on your career for a decade and were bh, very successful- that explains why you can have material things, like cleaning help or a large house. If you didn't take that path in life, how can you afford such luxuries? It becomes almost an accusation. If you earn too much, you wind up defensive. If you earn less, you still must justify yourself for however you spend. This is where these posts become a turn off. I posted on a thread about high earners and was jumped on for my life choices. What does it matter to you what I choose to spend on? If you were me, walking in my shoes, you could do what you want. But your not so leave me in peace. Less judging would be amazing.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 7:37 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I'm sorry I don't have better news.

I work and earn all the money but have no control over where it goes unless I want to have huge screaming fights every day.

So I just ignore the bank account and pray.

Yes, very dysfunctional I know.

amother

Crimson

Mon, Apr 12 2021, 8:28 pm

amother [ Lavender ] wrote:

I totally relate to every word Mad

How about I daven for you and you daven for me? (anonymously is fine, HaShem knows)