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Forum
-> Fashion and Beauty
-> Sheitels & Tichels
amother
OP
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:17 pm
So this is a spin off what people wear in the house.
I am newly married and my husband recently remarked that he prefers that I don’t wear a sheital and rather should wear hats/ tichels/snoods etc.
I have one sheital at this point- and too be honest, I tend to wear other options in most cases - but I appreciate the variety.
Much of his thoughts are that he does not believe they are as halachically because men are unaware if they are real hair. My thought (which is similar to what I’ve been taught) is a main component of hair covering is for the woman herself as she has the knowledge that she’s covering plus often times even if men can’t tell, women frequently are able to tell
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Crookshanks
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:21 pm
If it's important to you to be able to wear a shaitel, you need to explain all this to his Rebbi/Rosh Yeshiva/Rosh Kollel, and have them tell him that it's fine. He will probably only listen if you bring it from someone who he trusts with tznius related things.
If you don't care enough, you can just not wear it.
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amother
White
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:47 pm
Opinions will vary on this based on your mesorah. So if your husband is Sefardic, for example, or from a stream of chassidus that believes that hats/tichels are better, then I guess that's your mesorah too now...
It can also be his personal preference, which you should probably try to accommodate as much as possible, just like he hopefully accommodates your preferences as much as possible.
If it's hard for you, definitely discuss it with him and/or his rav. The goal here is to find the best way for YOUR family, not anyone else's.
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amother
Hotpink
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:50 pm
That was my first red flag...
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amother
Plum
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:50 pm
Didn’t your head covering style come up during dating? If he’s so against it he should’ve discussed it in advance.
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amother
Seagreen
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:51 pm
Are you wearing lace front/lace tops wigs? Those are actually halachically problematic.
Why didn't he tell you about this before you got married? I don't think it's fair to spring this on you after marriage. I think you should definitely discuss it with his Rav both you you together.
Good luck.
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imasinger
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:56 pm
I have honored my DH's preference in this matter, and hardly ever worn a sheitel, for a very long time, but recently talked to him about that I may want to change my style. Fashions have changed, and I think I have grounds to do as I see fit.
DH, after some thinking, agreed.
OP, if this matters to you, pm me or email me anonymously, and I'm happy to share the arguments that worked.
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amother
Cerulean
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:57 pm
My husband also prefers tichels/hats over sheitels and I wouldn’t mind I like it better too but it’s not very common where I live.
Get his rav to talk to him about it
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amother
White
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 2:59 pm
amother [ Plum ] wrote: | Didn’t your head covering style come up during dating? If he’s so against it he should’ve discussed it in advance. |
It's possible he didn't think about it much until he got married. Most bochurim don't have strong opinions on hair covering - it's just not on their radar.
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amother
Plum
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:07 pm
amother [ White ] wrote: | It's possible he didn't think about it much until he got married. Most bochurim don't have strong opinions on hair covering - it's just not on their radar. |
Still unfair to suddenly have these type of expectations of his wife if for her a sheitel is standard.
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English3
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:10 pm
I love the mizrachi head coverings, it's very regal especially with the jewellery. You obviously need to go according to your surroundings, when in Rome...
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hodeez
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:13 pm
I also have a wig that I wore to my sheva brachot almost 7 years ago. My dh also prefers tichels, both bc of beauty and the halachic reasoning. I happen to agree with him and have been wearing tichels bh for the entirety of my marriage. We're happy 😊
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amother
White
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:15 pm
amother [ Plum ] wrote: | Still unfair to suddenly have these type of expectations of his wife if for her a sheitel is standard. |
I guess it depends on if they're expectations or preferences, and how he brings it up...
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amother
Cerulean
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:16 pm
Hodeez don’t you live in Israel? It’s much more common there than in the US. I love tichels too but it’s not the norm where I live I don’t want my kids to feel like their mom is “different” yknow
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amother
Plum
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:23 pm
amother [ White ] wrote: | I guess it depends on if they're expectations or preferences, and how he brings it up... |
Right
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amother
Goldenrod
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:46 pm
If your part of a main stream RW community in the US your husband needs to get on board with wigs.
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amother
Taupe
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:48 pm
Very big nasyon. You need to speak to someone who knows you as this is community dependant.
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hodeez
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:57 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote: | Hodeez don’t you live in Israel? It’s much more common there than in the US. I love tichels too but it’s not the norm where I live I don’t want my kids to feel like their mom is “different” yknow |
Lol what I live in BP. We're like unicorns here.
I used to be self conscious but then I realized, what is there to be self conscious about? I look beautiful and regal and classy. It's not like I walked out of the house wearing who knows what. Why should I be embarrassed, while doing a mitzvah no less!
If you need chizuk or have questions I don't mind, u can pm me or just ask here.
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amother
Linen
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 3:59 pm
hodeez wrote: | Lol what I live in BP. We're like unicorns here |
I love this.
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GLUE
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Mon, Apr 26 2021, 5:45 pm
My DH hates when I were sheitals. I think it is because he has to hear me whining about it for 2 weeks(or more) that I had to were that uncomfortable thing on my head. He also hears about his Co-workers complaining about all the money their wives spend on sheitals.
My budget on sheitals is about a wash and set every 2-3 years thence I hate wearing that thing and only get it done when I have to were it for ether Cop'd as H'aim(Honer they mother) or my DD begs me to were it for a school thing.
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