Is this unfortunate, or should she be more accommodating?

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:34 am

Dh and I have plane tickets to go abroad on a little holiday, we booked them months ago.
My sil who works for me, said she might not be able to take over my playgroup, or have my dd stay by her in the end because she just realised that it's her birthday then, and her dh wants to take her away.
Which means we likely won't be able to go, or if we do it'll be more complicated for sure!

She's not booked anything yet, shouldn't she just go the week after us?! I mean she's an adult, it doesn't have to be on her actual birthday but I just said she should go ahead and book something and I'll have to work something out bc both are really my responsibility..

What do you all think?
I know I shouldn't work with family!

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:37 am

hodeez wrote:

Her husband wants to take her away, settle this with him.

She can tell her husband that she has a commitment already for that week. I don't think he minds when they go. I'll let my dh speak to him maybe, but my dh is really not that type, he'll likely let it go...

amother

Burlywood

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:39 am

Is it possible she’s just not up for it? Or found out she’s pregnant and won’t be feeling up to the task? Maybe she felt pressured into saying yes and now it’s settling in and after speaking with her husband he wants her to get out of it?

imasinger

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:42 am

Don't think in terms of "shoulds", think in terms of what is.

If you say to SIL, "I already bought tickets and am counting on you, but how about if you go the following week", how would that sit?

I don't understand mixing all the DH's into this, you're her employer, and she made a commitment to you already. If her circumstances changed that she's just not well enough, wouldn't she say that?

Last edited by imasinger on Fri, May 07 2021, 7:44 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:43 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

Anything can be possible, so I'll just leave it up to her what they end up doing :/ I don't think she's pregnant, more like trying to organise it when she's not a niddah. She struggles with secondary infertility.

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:45 am

I have very bad Niddah situation, and if I would schedule a vacation for a certain time then there is no way I could ever push it to the next week. So I’m not sure that is necessarily an option for everyone.

singleagain

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:46 am

If she made the commitment I think she should honor it unless of extreme emergency that comes up the night before.

Yes she maybe this or that but then maybe she should also help to come up with an alternative... She's known about this for months. It's not fair on you for her to suddenly back out. Especially, bc it's not like her birthday has changed.

Side note, when I was considering vacation the first thing I did was ask my coworker before my boss. Bc if it wouldn't work for my coworkers, I would find dates that works for her then tell my boss. You already booked your tickets. It's not right for her to decide she wants the same time off.

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:48 am

imasinger wrote:

Thanks. She knows that we've had them booked for a while now, she did commit but nothing is set in stone. Obviously it's clear that I'd prefer her to go the week after but I'm not going to say anything. At this point we aren't sure if we can even go abroad then due to Covid. We're waiting for a list of green countries to come out. If we have to quarantine when we return, we aren't going but we'd have gone somewhere local instead but that can be anytime.

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:51 am

singleagain wrote:

I agree with this, but it's more complicated with family. I'm going to call my husband now (she's his sister) see what he thinks. ..

amother

Babypink

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:54 am

OP, you're her boss, she works for you, you get to tell her that she can't take off that week. I know it's trickier because it's family, but she's your worker.

singleagain

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:57 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree with this, but it's more complicated with family. I'm going to call my husband now (she's his sister) see what he thinks. ..

In this case I think the work relationship comes before the family one. Especially if it would cause a loss for you (unused ticket's)

imaima

Fri, May 07 2021, 7:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I say she should stay and do her job. She can go away when you come back.

singleagain

Fri, May 07 2021, 8:00 am

Btw in terms of being dlk"z ...if you think it maybe she's feeling unwell or afraid to do the job alone can you find some money in your budget that she can hire a temporary helpmate?

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 8:04 am

singleagain wrote:

Btw in terms of being dlk"z ...if you think it maybe she's feeling unwell or afraid to do the job alone can you find some money in your budget that she can hire a temporary helpmate?

Non of those are an issue, she was by me this week, and seems very well bh, but who knows. She does it often on her own, and is ok with that. She tells me what she needs. She already told me that can only do 2 of the days out of 3, even then they're not the full mornings because she asked if I can get my other helper to come early. She's not shy in telling me no Smile

and she said it's fine to have dd.

She just wants to go away on her birthday Confused

amother

Babypink

Fri, May 07 2021, 8:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

and she said it's fine to have dd.

She just wants to go away on her birthday Confused

She's your worker, she doesn't get to tell you no.

amother

Fri, May 07 2021, 8:35 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

She's your worker, she doesn't get to tell you no.

She said she feels bad, can I ask my other helpers and we'll see from there so she does understand me. I told her they're not going to know yet because one has just had a medical procedure done and she won't know now if she'll have her strength back by then....

So I told her to book something, no idea if she will or not but I'm just going to leave it at that.

I'll take it as it comes. It's all going to be a bit last minute anyway because of covid.

My dh is fully vaccinated, I'm not at all bc I'm pregnant (they're not giving it to us yet here) but I most likely have antibodies, I need to test nearer to the time. Its a month away...

trixx

Fri, May 07 2021, 9:23 am

I recall a similar story once posted about sil working in the daycare and (whether it's you or not) suggest that you take a step back to look at the broader picture and iron out a policy so it doesn't happen each time. If she wasn't related, how would you approach this situation?

amother

Amber

Fri, May 07 2021, 9:52 am

You say she works for you but is taking over your playgroup part of her usual responsibility? If it is not, but an added favor even though she works for you in another capacity coupled with the fact that you have so many reasons to think it MAY not happen, makes me think that she can discuss the possibility of her plans being definite with you without her being in the wrong.