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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Preschoolers
amother
OP
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Fri, May 14 2021, 3:47 pm
I have an adorable four year old who's also frequently cranky and makes me feel like she's looking for things to complain and cry about. I'm trying to figure this out. If its solely a behaviour issue so the remedy is better parenting, or if there is something wrong with her on a physical level thats causing the irritability.
Thing is, she's only difficult at home. Her teacher says she's wonderfully behaved in school and when she goes out to play she seems to get along well with her friends.
Based on the above, am I safe to say that this is just a behavioral problem and if it came from something like pandas or lyme or a food sensitivity, her teacher would experience it as welll?
Ensuring she gets enough sleep doesn't seem to make a difference in her moodiness.
Experienced mommies please help me out here.
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amother
Amethyst
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Fri, May 14 2021, 4:12 pm
It is very age appropriate behavior. It'd also very common for kids to be well behaved in school and act out at home. Home is their safe space to feel their feelings. It's also normal to be cranky after school, she might be hungry and tired. Try to give her lots of positive attention. Good luck.
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amother
Yellow
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Fri, May 14 2021, 4:14 pm
It sounds like she's stressed out or overtired from her long day at school. Also she's letting it all out at home. I start with a filling food right when they come home and calm activity so they can chill out.
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Fri, May 14 2021, 4:53 pm
It's so annoying when they come home and dump their day on you. I told my husband who needs this, I get 3 hours a day with my kid and he's absolutely impossible, I might as well homeschool so I can enjoy my own child. But yeah it's normal.
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amother
Aqua
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Sat, May 15 2021, 10:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I have an adorable four year old who's also frequently cranky and makes me feel like she's looking for things to complain and cry about. I'm trying to figure this out. If its solely a behaviour issue so the remedy is better parenting, or if there is something wrong with her on a physical level thats causing the irritability.
Thing is, she's only difficult at home. Her teacher says she's wonderfully behaved in school and when she goes out to play she seems to get along well with her friends.
Based on the above, am I safe to say that this is just a behavioral problem and if it came from something like pandas or lyme or a food sensitivity, her teacher would experience it as welll?
Ensuring she gets enough sleep doesn't seem to make a difference in her moodiness.
Experienced mommies please help me out here. | My kid with pandas is always an angel at school, and many, many pandas/pans parents report the same. It’s one of the most frequently asked question on pandas boards. So much so, that by now as soon as I hear that, it makes me suspect pandas even more.
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Rabbit613
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Sun, May 16 2021, 6:21 am
My 4 year old is the same. He's great at school but super kvetchy at home. I think it's because he's exhausted from being in school all day. When he's hime he is able to let go.
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amother
Maroon
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Sun, May 16 2021, 7:26 am
I think it is very normal! It is hard though!
One thing that helps me is instead of trying to push the whine away is to really try to feel what she's feeling and sympathize. That makes her so much more comfortable and even sometimes breaks her out of it. Other things that helps is star charts, she looves charts and prizes. Books that teach a positive message like "my very own mitzvah mouth" it teaches to say please and thank you!
Also catching small upbeat things she does and writing it on her mitzvah note to school.
Yesterday she said, mommy it's ok, whatever book my sister chooses ill be happy.
I always show a hugee smile when she does something nice like that.
Also, if he has little siblings don't assume that at 4 years old he doesn't need tons of cuddles and alone time with you to feel special
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amother
Maroon
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Sun, May 16 2021, 7:32 am
I don't think it's safe to say it's not physical but I don't think it's necessary to go looking for it. I mean, maybe but I doubt it. I think Hashem will guide you if there is something that needs to be taken care of with your child.
For better or for worse, I even sometimes see 6 year olds whining near their parents. I think the solution is sympathizing and teaching them the correct way to talk without over doing it. And also letting them whine sometimes.
Don't think of it as whining at you! Think of it as her whining to herself after she comes home and treat her like she is whining to herself too.
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FranticFrummie
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Sun, May 16 2021, 7:43 am
I know a family who's kids were kvetchers. It was part of their personalities, but B'H they outgrew it.
On boy in particular though, was an absolute bear when he came home from school. He was besides himself and would pick fights with anyone who got near him. His parents had tried everything.
Then someone told them he needed protein, instead of fruit or carbs for a snack. They made a big batch of hardboiled eggs, and as soon as he got in the door they would have him eat one. The difference was incredible! I saw first hand, it was like night and day with this kid.
He was so happy with the fact that he wasn't getting yelled at anymore, that as he got a bit older he started making his own batch of eggs at the beginning of every week, and got in the habit of making a beeline to the fridge the second he got home, before he interacted with anyone.
Without him picking on all his siblings, they started kvetching less, and it had a very positive domino effect on the whole family dynamic. There were still squabbles of course, but much improved from before. The parents became aware that all of the kids were very borderline hypoglycemic, so whenever the kids started to fuss, the first thing they would do is go for a protein snack before they started yelling.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Sun, May 16 2021, 8:26 am
I can so relate to this post. My 4 year old son comes home very kvetchy. To me it seems like exhaustion. He needs his blanket to calm down. So lots of listening to him, attention and food calms him down.
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