S/O do you read/look at your teens phone

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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Do you check your high school age kids phone

Only when I’m concerned about something

33%

[ 14 ]

Always

14%

[ 6 ]

Never

52%

[ 22 ]

Total Votes : 42

amother

Silver

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:37 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Any responsible parent checks their child's phone. A child has no privacy until they are married. Of course body privacy is completely different.

Do you have teens?

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 5:41 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Any responsible parent checks their child's phone. A child has no privacy until they are married. Of course body privacy is completely different.

What does that even mean? Why should they not have privacy until they are married?

I really hope for your kids sake, that they get married very very young..

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 6:39 pm

I once read that if you give a child a phone, you are obligated to read it and supervise it. Unfortunately, I can't remember who said it. I want to say it was Rabbi Shais Taub, but it could be it was a real posek. I also dont know the ages.

As usual, ask your Rav.

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 7:14 pm

Under 18 yes
My children get a phone in high school with the understanding that they have bo expectation of privacy with their phone from their parents. I can spot check at any time. Realistically I do it less and less as they get older. We have open talks about safety online and with texting constantly. Beginning at age 18 I treat them as adults and no longer check their phones. By then I trust they know how to be safe because we've been discussing it for years and they have experience.

imanotmommy

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 7:21 pm

It can really be an issue if you do it without them knowing. Either halachically or just trust-wise.
I don't have this situation yet, but I would do similar to my parents - make a rule before getting a phone that you'll check as you decide. But, I would avoid actually checking it unless you have to. (in order to avoid it, I'd consider it necessary to have a nonsmart phone or have an "unhackable" filter) I'd have to know the password always. Also, I'd try to give them the option of observing or not, if I was going through it.
In terms of the privacy of the other party, I knew to let my friends know that certain methods of communication weren't totally private. Anything that leaves an electronic record in general can't be considered a total secret.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 01 2021, 8:05 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

Any responsible parent checks their child's phone. A child has no privacy until they are married. Of course body privacy is completely different.

I guess that makes me an irresponsible parent?

Oy.

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