My daughter's first job post school - what to do with her $?

amother

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:15 pm

My 17.5 year old daughter started her first office job at minimum wage.
What do we do with her money?
Deposit in her own account?
Deposit in our account?

We are not well off financially.
We both work but we have $70,000 debt.
My husband is limited in what he can do
He earns $40,000 yearly
I earn a bit more on the year
We obviously have no savings.

I'd love to hear what you do with your daughter who is living at home
paycheck/what you did when you were that age

My parents used the money to cover their own bills.
That was their reality.
I also didn't get married with any money as the
bit of chasuna money that came in from my side
of the family went to pay off the wedding. The rest
I paid off with my summer job after my chasuna

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My parents also used my $ for the house expenses and then later for my wedding expenses. They say times are diff now. I do feel that a kid is allowed to contribute but I also feel that they're allowed to have a few dollars put away.

amother

Maize

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:23 pm

Let her keep her own money but have her pay her own expenses other than room and board - I.e. clothes, shoes, entertainment etc. it will teach her to work hard and understand the value of a dollar. You are technically allowed to keep her money as she isn’t paying rent or food but she’ll resent you for it and it’s better this way

tigerwife

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:27 pm

My parents never were involved with the money I earned even from when I was a camp counselor in my early teens. I opened a bank account and spent and saved at my own discretion. I hear how tempting it is to use her money but it feels very wrong to me. Is she aware of your financial situation?

amother

Winterberry

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:28 pm

amother [ Hawthorn ] wrote:

It's her money. Why can't she deposit in her own account?

That is OP's question!!!
She lives rent free by her parents, eats food by her parents and was being fully supported financially by her parents until now. So Op is wondering if she should contribute to expenses !
I don't think it's commonly done nowadays, it used to be much more frequent.
Op I would suggest discussing finances with her.
If you managed until now without her money maybe she's better off saving for the future and you continuing whatever you we're doing until now as you probably won't be able to help her at all when she gets married.
Setting up a home cost a lot of money too. It also helps with shidduchim if your daughter has some money saved away!

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:28 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Once a child goes out to work, isn’t the money hers?
I never gave my parents my money and we were dirt poor.
My kids work and I’ve never asked them for their money. It didn’t dawn on me to do such a thing.

According to halacha a wifes $ belongs to the husband and a daughters belongs to the father. But every home has its own dynamics. My parents didn't have a penny to their name when I worked. I couldnt not give them my wages. The only $ that I used for personal use was bonus $.

amother

Hawthorn

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:34 pm

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

But it's the daughters money. I wouldn't dream of spending my children's money. They earned it, then it belongs to them. She can for sure guide her daughter finscially, but it's not Op's money to decide what to do with it.

watergirl

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:35 pm

The child is 17!!! How can you make her contribute to your bills? She is still a student. I am shocked to see so many people saying to take the child’s hard earned money. Most kids her age are still working fun camp jobs, yet this child is working an office job. Let her keep her money. If she has a cell phone, she can pay some of that bill, or pay for gas she uses, or save it for seminary spending money. It does not belong in the house account.

amother

Hawthorn

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:37 pm

watergirl wrote:

This!
Can not like this enough!

amother

Teal

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:37 pm

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

Regarding the bolded, that is the law so dont try to guilt any kids into saying that they are responsible for the parent because the parents followed the laws. If the parents wouldnt have done all that then that would have been abuse/neglect and they would have lost the kids.
That said, I worked at 17 as well and my mother had me put all my money in my own account even if she could have used it she did not take it away from me. And I am grateful for that as I needed the money later in life. I would advise op to do the same thing here. If op needs help then she can apply for food stamps or other services instead of burdening her kids with things that op is responsible for.
And op, if your daughter wouldnt be working then were would you get the money from? Pretend that she isnt working (bc the money is not legally yours) and live your life accordingly (and apply for govt assistance if need be).

watergirl

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:37 pm

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

She is a MINOR CHILD!! Where should she live if not at her parents? A minor should be paying rent? I feel like CPS would have something to say about that.

cnc

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:39 pm

watergirl wrote:

It seems that she is not a student anymore. She presumably graduated twelfth grade and began working .

Redbird

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:41 pm

She's a child, it's not her job to pay rent to live in her parents house! I agree she can use the money to pay for most personal expenses like clothing and personal toiletries. Then she can use the rest to save or enjoy.

If she was at an age that it was reasoably expected to move out on her own and to pay her own rent, then I think it would be reasonable for her parents to ask her to chip in if she chose to stay home.

Amarante

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 5:44 pm

I lived for a bit with my parents when I was working and they charged me a nominal amount. They then gave it back to me as a lump sum when I purchased my first car.

They didn’t need my money and the only thing I was actually costing them was probably four or five meals a week since I had a social life. All of the other expenses they would be paying anyway as it isn’t as if they were going to rent my bedroom or turn off the heat to the room. Maybe I used a bit of electricity for a lamp. 🤷‍♀️