Lashon Hara Question: What should I have done?

Starhavah

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 6:50 am

Ok. Everyone in this story is Jewish except the assistant director. On Thursday, I was at work. As you may know Friday and Sunday were holidays for Xians. One of the workers was speaking to the director in front of me. The worker said to the director, did you get me a substitute for my shift on Purim (Friday). I want it off. The director said, oops I forgot. You asked me about that more than a week ago and I forgot. I will ask the assistant director to work for you. I said, Friday is the assistant direcotor's regular day off from work and I know for a fact that she does not want to come in. The director said, well I will ask her anyway. As I was leaving work, I saw the assistant director and said were you able to say no to the director? Or is she making you work on Friday? (Now, I know I should not have asked that. I should have kept my mouth shut, but I did. When I asked the question, I was trying to show support the assistant director since she feels that the director is hard to work with. I did not realize it would lead to an incidence of lashon hara). The assistant director said, she now had to come in on her day off and work for the worker and she was very angry because it was her holiday ("Good Friday") and she had planned to spend it in church and with her family. She then went on and on about how the worker did not have the guts to ask her herself and was just reading a story to her family. (I suspect that actually she was layning megillah-she is Conservative). I said, oh no, it isn't the worker's fault she asked the director several weeks ago for the day off and the director forgot about it.

Ok, here is my question: I spoke lashon hara about the director, but at the time my intention was to prevent the assistant director from speaking rechilut about the worker. What should I have done? Since both the worker and the director are Jewish did I make a "good choice"? It wasn't really a choice since it came out before I thought of it. It had not occurred to me that I would have to speak lashon hara about the director. Obviously, the best choice would have been if I had just kept my mouth shut and not asked the assistant director if she had gotten roped into working when she had not wanted to. How do people who are good at lashon hara deal with these impossible choices? Do people think you are "unfriendly" because you never have anything to say? I feel like every conversation I have about anything (even no about people) turns into lashon hara! Help!! I am really trying. It is so hard to have kosher speech.

Star Havah