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Forum
-> Parenting our children
huff
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 Sun, Oct 24 2021, 3:11 pm
This worry almost cripples me at times.
I had a terrible childhood.
I don't know what's normal because I've never seen normal.
I love my kids more than anything in the world.
But I know I have my issues, my troubles, my problems.
So how can I know? How do I know if I'm doing a good enough job? I dont care about being perfect, that's not something I aspire to but I'm just so scared that my kids will grow up and feel the way I did about my childhood. My therapist just says, "you have to know you're not them." But how can she know really. How, how, how can I measure whether I'm doing OK?
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torquoise
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Sun, Oct 24 2021, 4:14 pm
I'm no parenting expert, just sharing my mutual motherly musings.
I think at the end of the day, children need to know that they are important and valued. I find there is so little time in the day to do this for each one, but every time I give a child my undivided attention, or treat them to a special trip or reward for working hard, I know I'm giving them the message that they are important, that I value their input, their hard work was noticed. This is just my area that I try to address, but it might be different for your kids.
If you're really not sure, I love Sara Chana Radcliffe's idea to aim for 80% positive, 20% negative verbal interaction.
By the way, these are all very lofty goals that I barely even reach on a VERY good day. So no shame if this seems daunting. Just keep your eye on the goal.
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hellokitty
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Sun, Oct 24 2021, 4:24 pm
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I'm oversimplifying, I know - but a terrible parent is unlikely to even question their adequacy. so on that scale, even the awareness to question it has you on the right track
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amother
Tuberose
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Sun, Oct 24 2021, 5:43 pm
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If they share with you, you're doing a good job.
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chocolate moose
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Sun, Oct 24 2021, 7:44 pm
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I have news for you - some of it is up to the kid.
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