Shabbos candles question

amother

Tue, May 03 2022, 7:32 pm

I grew up with my mother lighting the candles, then shaking the match to let out the flame, then proceeding to say the bracha. My husband told me, however, that that is incorrect and once you light you’re being mekabel shabbos even before the bracha, and therefore you have to just place the lit match down to extinguish on its own. I continue to see many women do what my mother did though and am wondering- what do you do?

essie14

Wed, May 04 2022, 4:10 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

According to my rav, we're mekabel with the bracha. I use a lighter, there's no way to just put it down....

Same. I always learned that you are mekabel with the bracha.
Sometimes I light the candles and go do a last minute melacha, and make sure the candles stay lit, and make the bracha a minute later. I saw my mother do this as well.
I use a lighter, light the candles, and put the lighter away in a safe place before I make the bracha.

amother

Brown

Wed, May 04 2022, 4:38 am

amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:

Sepharadim first say the Beracha and then light the match
So I guess it is minhag

We’re not discussing when to light (which is minhag). Sefardim also put thr match out after they light. It may be a debate in Halacha, but not minhag.
I am sefardi and I have family that say the bracha and then light and they all put out the match so….

amother

Brass

Wed, May 04 2022, 5:01 am

As per halacha it’s ok to extinguish the match after lighting before saying the bracha since we are mekabel Shabbos only by saying the bracha. However, there are some who keep a minhag not to put out the flame, I think it’s because there are some who hold that lighting the candles already constitutes kabalas shabbos.

My mother always used to hand the match over to my father or one of the boys (small matches could also be put out by placing them on the match box).

Last edited by amother on Mon, May 09 2022, 6:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Brass

Wed, May 04 2022, 5:08 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

I believe they should ask a Rav, it doesn’t sound ok to me to put out a flame after being mekabel Shabbos (but then what do I know? I didn’t even know that sefaredim are saying the bracha first, so…)

Last edited by amother on Mon, May 09 2022, 6:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Starflower

Wed, May 04 2022, 6:02 am

I think your husband is getting mixed up with yomtov. On yomtov we say the brocha first and then light which means we cannot extinguish the flame. This does not seem to be a problem on shabbos since lightning the fire is done before we say the brocha.

amother

Clematis

Wed, May 04 2022, 6:37 am

My grandmother had a set of silver egg cups which a few years ago she decided to distribute among her granddaughters. None of us felt that we really needed a silver egg cup, and they all got designated for the matches from the Shabbos candles. So I light candles then drop the match into the silver egg cup (I think it might only be silver plate) and it goes out by itself. Every few weeks I clean it out. It's rather nice having something representative of my grandmother as part of my candle lighting.

WitchKitty

Wed, May 04 2022, 6:45 am

If I am mekabel shabbos once lighting, I would have to put down the candle once finished with the first two.
I thought the whole point of saying the bracha after lighting (as opposed to yt) is because we are mekabel shabbos with the bracha. Not with the lighting.
But I guess you can compare it to washing hands. If you wash your hands without a bracha, it's just plain hand-washing, not a mitzva.

amother

Starflower

Wed, May 04 2022, 7:02 am

It doesn’t really make sense to be mekabel when lightning because then you are left holding the fire in your hand. It doesn’t matter how you put the fire out at that point since you are already holding the flame in your hand.
On yomtov it’s different. Fire is not muktzah. Extinguishing a fire is not allowed on yomtov but using a flame is allowed which is why we make the brocha before we light.
I really think op’s husband is mixing up the halachos of yomtov with shabbos.

pause

Wed, May 04 2022, 7:04 am

essie14 wrote:

Isn't that considered a hefsek between the mitzva and the bracha?

amother

Brass

Wed, May 04 2022, 7:10 am

amother [ Starflower ] wrote:

Muktza is not a problem once you hold it, if you picked up some muktze by mistake or you were somehow allowed to pick it up you may then proceed to put it wherever you would like, no need to just drop it.

Regardless, I’m pretty sure that in Halacha it’s not a problem to put out the match before making the bracha but there is definitely an old minhag not to do so, it’s written but don’t ask me where and why, I actually checked out this topic a while back and this is what I was told.

Last edited by amother on Mon, May 09 2022, 6:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

yiddishmom

Wed, May 04 2022, 7:13 am

I learnt this in a sefer. There are two varying opinions. Both are right.

My mother extinguishes the match and then says the bracha, while my MIL only puts.it down on the tray.

amother

Crocus

Wed, May 04 2022, 7:18 am

Until a few years ago I extinguished the match . My husband is part of a hip his Shabbos chaburah and asked me not to extinguish it anymore . I put it down in a votive holder and it just burns out. I hear both sides but I felt this was a small ask so why not.

Hashem_Yaazor

Wed, May 04 2022, 8:27 am

AllAlone wrote:

Clarification: if you picked up muktza by mistake, you aren't allowed to continue to carry it to where you want. Only if it was muttar when you picked it up (wasn't muktza yet for example). This is a common misconception, but correct that it would apply here if someone was holding that they were mekabel shabbos as it was allowed when they picked up the match....