If she's moving house, is it fair to say no more carpool?

amother

Mon, May 30 2022, 4:18 am

Someone who's on our carpool is moving house this week, she told me yesterday.
It's quite a bit further out than where she used to be (round the corner to my house, pretty much) now it'll be quite a detour. I wouldn't mind if I wouldn't have a baby, but I find it really stressful if my baby is crying etc and I'm going to be an extra few mins in the car.

There are only 9 weeks left for us until the end of the year, then I'm not doing it with her anymore. What would you do? Do I have to continue? We can have turns on her original day to fetch the kids.

Should I just suck it up and go the extra mile (quite literally lol) for them?

amother

Emerald

Mon, May 30 2022, 4:44 am

If it's only 9 weeks, please don't bail on her!

Signed
Someone whose carpool moved shortly after school started and had a nightmare year because everyone else had of course sorted themselves out by then Sad

amother

Gardenia

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:26 am

Another vote for sucking it up and finishing the year.

Btw, you say there are only 9 weeks left. 9 weeks from now is August 1st. Does your kids school go all the way till then?

amother

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:29 am

amother [ Gardenia ] wrote:

Another vote for sucking it up and finishing the year.

Btw, you say there are only 9 weeks left. 9 weeks from now is August 1st. Does your kids school go all the way till then?

Yes I'm in England Smile

we only have about 5 weeks of summer holidays.

amother

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:44 am

I'm going to stay on until the end of the year but it would've made it slightly easier had she said 'I know it's a bit further away etc but it would mean a lot to me if we could stay on the rota' she just informed me that they're moving and that she'll let me know if I should drop her son off there or not this week. Would've been nice to ask, that's all.

Sesame

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes you’re right

amother

PlumPink

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:49 am

I don’t think you need to stay in the carpool if it doesn’t work for you. It’s nice if you do but it’s ok if it doesn’t work.

amother

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:53 am

Another thing is that it's all the way at the top of a very steep, uphill culdi sac, very hard to turn round there. I have family on that Rd thats how I know. I'm going to ask her if I can drop her son off at the bottom and call her a few minutes later to check that he's home. He's 8 or 9. It should be ok. It'll really add on an extra 15 mins to the already stressful rota.

I do 2 in a row, first my daughters but that's not her problem...

amother

Vanilla

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:56 am

You can call and tell her the extra 15 makes it too tight of a schedule to juggle and you are so sorry and let her know you are willing to explore options that work for both of you. I would assume she is as yet unaware of the tight turn around you mention. See if theres some compromise that works for both of you, I wouldn't drop him off alone. If nothing works then you have a choice whether to continue or not. While your other carpool may not be her problem as you wrote, the reality is that you committed to the carpool based upon the schedules as they were at the time you committed.

amother

PlumPink

Mon, May 30 2022, 7:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I personally wouldn’t continue with the carpool.

amother

Mon, May 30 2022, 8:04 am

Thanks for all replies. I'm going to try it out for this week (sometimes he gets dropped off at his grandparents house which is more local and easier than this new house) or whenever the first time is. If I find it too difficult, or takes way longer then I'll speak to her. For now I'm not saying anything...

amother

Vanilla

Mon, May 30 2022, 8:06 am

Great! If you can make it work for both of you and drop him at his grandparents then thats a nice way to end the year on a high note.
Good luck!

MiracleMama

Mon, May 30 2022, 8:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It might be a few more minutes of your baby in the car, but it also means days when you don't have to drive at all because she's doing it. I can't see why you'd want to give that up. Definitely stick it out.

amother

Mon, May 30 2022, 8:48 am

MiracleMama wrote:

It probably is worth staying on but I might ask her if I can drop him at his grandparents house if I find it too difficult.

amother

Emerald

Mon, May 30 2022, 9:37 am

OP I really commend you for not giving up Salut

Of course you can explore options with her, anything she can do to make things easier for you she should do!

amother

Lightyellow

Mon, May 30 2022, 9:45 am

Whether you continue or not, at the very least she should be made aware that this new arrangement that she just assumes will work is inconvenient for you.
When you say you'll ask her if you can drop the child off by the grandparents it comes across a bit as if you need her permission to change an existing agreement. You aren't, she did.
If she is aware that the new arrangement is inconvenient for you and not a given, IMHO she is more likely to be willing to find a good compromise without feeling you let her down. Just saying.