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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
OP
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:49 pm
When you eat out with a friend, do you each pay for your own portion?
My friend did me a huge favor today and met up with me at a store to give her opinion on evening wear for myself. Afterwards, I asked her if she was in the mood to go out for lunch. Now in retrospect, I regret that I didn't offer to pay for her, especially since she struggles financially. It was under $20 each. Should I have offered to pay?
In general, if you invite someone to go out to eat, is understood that you're treating her?
Wwyd? What should I have done?
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Chayalle
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:54 pm
When I go out with someone for lunch I don't expect them to pay. We each pay for ourselves.
That being said, you could have offered to pay, being that she did you a favor and you know she's tight financially. I don't think you had to, but it would've been a nice gesture (if it was me, though, I'd turn you down.)
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groovy1224
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:55 pm
If you know your friend is struggling, then I think it's the right thing to do to offer to pay. She also might have assumed you were treating her, since she did you a favor. I don't think you have to beat yourself up over it, just be more careful next time.
In general though, no- asking a friend to meet for lunch does not mean you will be paying.
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amother
Peru
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 2:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | When you eat out with a friend, do you each pay for your own portion?
My friend did me a huge favor today and met up with me at a store to give her opinion on evening wear for myself. Afterwards, I asked her if she was in the mood to go out for lunch. Now in retrospect, I regret that I didn't offer to pay for her, especially since she struggles financially. It was under $20 each. Should I have offered to pay?
In general, if you invite someone to go out to eat, is understood that you're treating her?
Wwyd? What should I have done? |
We usually split it unless I'm clear that I'm treating her for lunch. I will be clear before so it doesn't get awkward when the bill comes.
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amother
Tan
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:00 pm
If it’s a group of us, we each pay our own, unless someone explicitly says they’re paying for everyone. If it’s just me and one other person, usually (but not always) the one who invited pays for both.
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amother
Jetblack
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:15 pm
It really depends on circumstances.
In general, I pay for people who don’t have as much money as I do because the amount I spend for their food is not meaningful to me as it is to them. I want to see them and eating in a restaurant is a convenience.
My wealthy friend paid for me when I was going through hard times but now I can take her out or we split or we trade picking up the check without keeping score.
I would have picked up check for your friend in the situation where you asked her to accompany you since she probably was on the spot a bit and couldn’t not have lunch. Besides it would have been the kind thing.
Normally I split the bill but I also treat if someone has done favors for me even though they don’t expect it. I think even subconsciously people appreciate when their acts of kindness or thoughtfulness are acknowledged even if they didn’t expect a free meal. And being treated to lunch is such a nice gesture when it is unexpected.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:26 pm
groovy1224 wrote: | If you know your friend is struggling, then I think it's the right thing to do to offer to pay. She also might have assumed you were treating her, since she did you a favor. I don't think you have to beat yourself up over it, just be more careful next time.
In general though, no- asking a friend to meet for lunch does not mean you will be paying. |
I actually am beating myself over it. I feel so bad. I wonder if she expected me to pay
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amother
Violet
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:31 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I actually am beating myself over it. I feel so bad. I wonder if she expected me to pay |
I might have been that friend
You put her in a situation where it would feel awkward for her to refuse
I feel bad for her
Spending money unexpectedly when on a tight budget is frustrating
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:33 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote: | I might have been that friend
You put her in a situation where it would feel awkward for her to refuse
I feel bad for her
Spending money unexpectedly when on a tight budget is frustrating |
She actually asked me twice over the last few weeks and it didn't work out, so I just spontaneously asked her this time, since I knew she had wanted and thought it was a good time.
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amother
Eggplant
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:36 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | She actually asked me twice over the last few weeks and it didn't work out, so I just spontaneously asked her this time, since I knew she had wanted and thought it was a good time. |
So please don't feel bad!
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Cookin4days
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:37 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote: | I might have been that friend
You put her in a situation where it would feel awkward for her to refuse
I feel bad for her
Spending money unexpectedly when on a tight budget is frustrating |
Sorry this comment is unnecessary, op already feels bad
Op I would text her and thank her for the favor and then say ugh I blanked out I wanted to treat for lunch please next time let it be on me
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amother
Violet
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:53 pm
Cookin4days wrote: | Sorry this comment is unnecessary, op already feels bad
Op I would text her and thank her for the favor and then say ugh I blanked out I wanted to treat for lunch please next time let it be on me |
Chill
It obviously was very necessary
As you can see, Op responded with clarification that the friend had mentioned in the past that she had wanted to eat out together
Now that changes things a bit...
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amother
Silver
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:54 pm
Cookin4days wrote: | Sorry this comment is unnecessary, op already feels bad
Op I would text her and thank her for the favor and then say ugh I blanked out I wanted to treat for lunch please next time let it be on me |
This would be nice you can even send money via cash app
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amother
Eggplant
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:54 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote: | Chill
It obviously was very necessary
As you can see, Op responded with clarification that the friend had mentioned in the past that she had wanted to eat out together
Now that changes things a bit... |
True, but all you were saying was, Yes, feel bad.
Not necessary.
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seeker
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:01 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I actually am beating myself over it. I feel so bad. I wonder if she expected me to pay |
It's not too late. You can zelle $20 to her phone number with a note saying you want to pay for her lunch in thanks for spending the morning helping you.
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tigerwife
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:06 pm
If a friend asked me out for lunch, I’d never expect them to pay for me. And if it’s out of my budget, it’s on me to graciously decline (my default would be to automatically agree because I am by nature a people pleaser. I’d only be annoyed at myself, not my friend).
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amother
Silver
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:06 pm
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amother
Lightgray
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:12 pm
seeker wrote: | It's not too late. You can zelle $20 to her phone number with a note saying you want to pay for her lunch in thanks for spending the morning helping you. |
I would worry that this nice gesture could make someone feel like a real nebach. Better to just say, sorry for being such an airhead, I meant to pay for your lunch as a thank you for shlepping with me to shop, please let's go out again soon and it will be on me.
OP, in general when two friends get together for lunch it is assumed that both pay - either for whatever they ordered or straight down the middle. Only if someone worded it as "let me take you to lunch" would I ever think they are treating me. So you really did nothing wrong, but it would have been a nice gesture.
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amother
Chambray
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:13 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote: | I might have been that friend
You put her in a situation where it would feel awkward for her to refuse
I feel bad for her
Spending money unexpectedly when on a tight budget is frustrating |
thats me
we dont even have an xtra $1 at the end of the month
what can I say when my friends want to go out to eat? and sometimes its just to get a slice of pizza
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amother
Lightgray
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Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:15 pm
amother [ Chambray ] wrote: | thats me
we dont even have an xtra $1 at the end of the month
what can I say when my friends want to go out to eat? and sometimes its just to get a slice of pizza |
Say B"H that I have friends who want to spend time with me. If I go out to lunch with a friend twice a year it's a lot. I dream of friends who call me up and want to grab lunch with me.
(And may you be blessed with abundant parnassah too).
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