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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries
Bar mitzvah gift- invited only to dessert



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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 9:06 am
In a medium area of Lakewood. Not multimillionaires but very balebatish area. We are friendly with the parents but not close at all. What amount do we need to give? (I don’t know if dh is even going to the bo bayom evening bar mitzvah- I am not- we
Might just say mazal tov at the Shabbos
Kiddush)
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 9:11 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
In a medium area of Lakewood. Not multimillionaires but very balebatish area. We are friendly with the parents but not close at all. What amount do we need to give? (I don’t know if dh is even going to the bo bayom evening bar mitzvah- I am not- we
Might just say mazal tov at the Shabbos
Kiddush)


If I wasn't so close I'd give the same sefer I'd give any bar mitzvah bachur.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 9:13 am
Invited for dessert. Don't give anything.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 11:05 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
If I wasn't so close I'd give the same sefer I'd give any bar mitzvah bachur.


We’re not used to bar mitzvahs. We haven’t had many so far so we don’t have a standard gift. Can we give a check instead of Sefer?
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amother
Dandelion


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 11:09 am
I wouldn't give a present if I was only invited for dessert.

(Doesn't mean I'm right, just saying what I'd do.)
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 11:11 am
I also wouldn't give if just invited for desert.

Another possibility is to chip in with others if you're part of a group such as neighbors or coworkers
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 12:58 pm
Depends on your finances.
A $18 check would be appreciated for a 13yr old!
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amother
Winterberry


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 5:10 pm
In my Lakewood circles (yeshivish, low key), being invited to dessert is the equivalent of being invited to the kiddush. This enables people who live too far to go to kiddush to pop in at the dessert reception and join in the simcha.

Give what you would give to the kiddush. For me what I give depends on relationship, but often means chipping in with others to send minis or liquor to be used at kiddush/byom, or sending a sefer on my own. If I'm not close at all I sometimes do not send anything.
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amother
Narcissus


 

Post Sun, Jul 10 2022, 5:30 pm
My son just had his Bar Mitzvah. It was really nice when a few people who were invited just to the Kiddush gave a sefer or an $18 check. So thoughtful! A few sent candy trays and cakes, which was really nice since the seudahs were at the shul, and we had people in and out of our home all Shabbos. So we had some nosh for them.
I think whatever you give is nice and will be appreciated.
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