Please tell your host if you are gluten free or have any all

amother

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 9:44 am

We are in Israel so probably won't check this but especially if you have students in seminary or yeshivah please tell them that it's really important to tell their host that they are gluten free. It is so easy to make a gluten-free menu when you know in advance but when someone comes in less than 2 hours before and tells you there's a good chance that they will not be any food that they can eat. This just happened to me and luckily happens to be that most of things I made are gluten free but if they would have come for Shabbos I literally had gluten in every single thing I made. And I would not have time to start cooking fresh. I know everyone is busy and I really love to host and I'm super happy to do it but I just need to know in advance and then I will be thrilled to accommodate. I am so grateful that my menu was almost 100% gluten-free besides a couple of side dishes. The guest said that she doesn't need a lot but honestly I would have had absolutely nothing had it been yesterday.I had kreplach in my soup, a salad that had soy sauce and kugels with flour. My house is normally pretty stocked but because of all the holidays I really haven't done so much shopping. Like I said I really love to host and I'm happy to accommodate just please please please please tell your host in advance. And that goes for allergies as well.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 9:55 am

100% agree with you and I wonder if you’re talking about my daughter, but you could be talking about anyone’s kid honestly. It has absolutely been a very long month for everyone and of course the hosting is much harder than being a guest. Still, please have a little bit of rachmanus, our kids JUST got there and are already out for meals in a new country. This month has been really stressful for my daughter and her (brand new) friends. Its not fun going out for so many meals to strangers. And as much as they are adults, they are also still a few toes in the teenage world. This early in the seminary year, still have so much to learn. As a mother, no matter how much I coached by child, I’m still quite anxious all shabbos/yt hoping she remembered the things I taught her!

As a host, and I host all the time, I do not wait for a guest to tell me if they have any dietary restrictions. That is absolutely always the first question I ask whenever somebody is coming to my house. As much as she should have told you she is gluten free, why didn’t you ask when you excepted the guest if she had any dietary restrictions?

I hope no-one was embarrassed, you or the guest.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 10:09 am

This happened to me once. I was hosting a family for pesach. On erev pesach my family is usually a little hungry so I decided since a family is staying with us I’ll prepare a good lunch figuring we would still be plenty hungry by shulchan aruch/midnight. I had hot food- potato kugel, meatballs, cucumber salad…. I felt really good that I made that good meal. The guests had a problem with literally everything. They didn’t eat potatoes, tomato sauce, cucumbers…. I was very annoyed that they didn’t tell me about their food restrictions beforehand.
I learned 2 things. First, it’s not nice if you don’t say that you can’t eat certain foods beforehand because the host is definitely preparing food for you.
The other thing I realized is that I will never host this family again. They were very difficult guests to have…
Hope your guests are more enjoyable op.

amother

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 10:42 am

Okay rushing to like candles but she came with a friend. The friend is the one we know and we didn't know her. So I didn't have her number or contact. I am not upset at all! I just want to remind everybody for the future. People in Israel that are hosting are spending a lot of money and are happy to do it but it's not always so easy especially after all these meals. I was in seminary too and I understand it's not easy to always be asking and to coming. I truly truly truly get it but you can understand from my perspective where I've been cooking meal after meal after meal and to someone arrive within an hour and a half from candle lighting why I felt like I needed to tell her for the future she should let them know. I told her that I was so happy that I had food that she could eat and I was thrilled to have her but she just really needed to make this a priority to tell people. I host a lot and people always tell me I've never had to ask anybody what allergies they have when it's so serious they always remember to tell me but obviously there's a first. Which is why I was caught so off guard plus you have to understand how exhausted I have right now. Woke up extra early to get all the cooking done. Just want people to know for the future.. and I think the seminary should be reminding girls as well.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 11:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Agree with your post. I am sure this was a learning experience for this girl, and she will know for the future.
The beginning of the sem year, regardless of chronological age, the girls are still kids. This is the year of many firsts for them, and growing experiences can be tough. I think if we were honest with ourselves we'd admit we weren't polished adults at that age either, even if our parents tried their best. It takes life experience for most of us.

amother

Mimosa

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 11:35 am

amother Diamond wrote:

I sometimes don’t tell because I feel bad to make the host work extra. A lot of people don’t understand gluten allergies and even if I tell them I might end up with nothing to eat. It’s ok, but this is another perspective.

\

Yes because its soooo much easier to run around at the last minute making extra food than just deciding to make rice instead of orzo as a side dish.

I understand gluten free very well but I do need to know. Soy sauce and soup mix (2 very common ingredients I use) both contain gluten. If I know in advance its not a big deal to make a different recipe or leave it out.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 11:42 am

amother Diamond wrote:

But it can be the same or less work! Let's say I'm making cutlets with sauteed onions and honey for Rosh Hashana. I might flour the cutlets before adding them to the pan before baking. It's actually easier not to flour them, and the recipe comes out just fine without that step. But if you don't tell me, a safe recipe now has gluten for no reason! Or if I make a broccoli kugel and decide to put it in a pie crust because I have guests, even though I usually don't. Or I decide to put croutons in a salad instead of nuts...

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 11:44 am

amother Diamond wrote:

This. People seem to think it’s a huge burden and I’d rather find whatever I can to eat. I’ve been gluten free for almost ten years, and my mother in law will still put gluten in every single thing.

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 11:45 am

It’s not nice not to say anything. I wouldn’t have made more challah and the chocolate cake if I knew you weren’t eating any of it. I made apple kugel because I knew you were coming. Yes, it was a lot of extra work. I don’t appreciate not being told that the people I’m hosting won’t eat lots of my food. If I knew in advance I might have made more chicken and another salad.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 12:12 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

I mention it and say don’t worry about making anything special, I always find what to eat. And they can do with that whatever they’d like.

Ema of 5

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 12:36 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

Cooking gluten free is not hard at ALL. If one is given advanced warning and advice how to do it properly, it really is the same as anything else. Imagine how your hostess must feel, when you come to her house for a meal, and it turns out you can’t eat anything!

amother

Diamond

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 12:45 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

I’ve had one continuous bad experience with a family member (who demands our presence often). That’s what colors my view on this. I appreciate this thread as it’s helping me learn new things.

Ema of 5

Sun, Oct 16 2022, 12:54 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

I’ve had one continuous bad experience with a family member (who demands our presence often). That’s what colors my view on this. I appreciate this thread as it’s helping me learn new things.

I think most people aren’t like that though. Most people won’t mind, if you just give them enough warning.

essie14

Mon, Oct 17 2022, 2:33 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

It's much more work if you don't tell the host. OP said if the guest would have been there on shabbos she would have had zero to eat. Why would I make a gluten free meal unless I had a GF guest?
I agree with OP, I'm happy to accommodate anyone but I have to be informed ahead of time.

essie14

Mon, Oct 17 2022, 2:34 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

I’ve had one continuous bad experience with a family member (who demands our presence often). That’s what colors my view on this. I appreciate this thread as it’s helping me learn new things.

I'm sorry. I think most hosts are really happy to accommodate.
I wouldn't accept invitations from a host where I have a bad experience, no matter the reason.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Oct 17 2022, 3:35 pm

You would not believe how many times hosts go ahead and accomodate your allergies and then mess up, on something that is totally understandable, and then everyone feels horrible. Think specifically trying a new baked dessert recipe that has no flour, telling you how it took ages to find but she eventually found an amazing crumble recipe with oats that she sent dh to get just before the store closed, and then finding out the oats aren't gluten free (and that matters for you.) It happens.

Also, some people have a lot of allergies. We tell hosts, "Gluten free, nut free, and many many others. So make what you would normally make and she will eat what she can and bring something to supplement as needed, sometimes as the whole meal." Yes, she took nonperishable food she could have to every house during seminary. She said the worst was when people worked hard to accommodate her and she still couldn't eat it. She warned them that was likely and she would bring her own food, but they really wanted to do it and some took it as a challenge. And then she wouldn't get invited back because of that experience, even though she brought her own food.

And it is very embarrassing for a young person to recite a long list of allergies to a stranger, even someone who's her best friend's aunt. Or she might be embarrassing or feel bad to ask someone to change the menu for her when she's a bring-along. Yes, she has been at houses that made her food she can eat and their kids complained at the table that it was different. She would rather get the experience, not inconvenience anyone, and eat less.

amother

Antiquewhite

Mon, Oct 17 2022, 3:47 pm

Please tell! I have it from both sides-
1. DH is allergic to garlic. I've had people ask me about everything, including if certain sauces are okay, and some who just don't add garlic cloves to dishes. We appreciate both sides, but if I forget to tell someone and everything has garlic in it (which happens) the host is disappointed and my husband is hungry.
2. We hosted bnot sherut over chag (18 years old) and one is pescatarian, but didn't tell us. I would have been happy to make a fish dish instead of meat and chicken, it wouldn't have been more work, but instead she had challah and potatoes. I just felt bad for her, but will definitely invite back and accommodate in the future. It's also a reminder for me to ask them if they have allergies before!

amother

Honey

Tue, Oct 18 2022, 12:48 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

You're not being kind to your host. You are putting her in the uncomfortable position of not having food for you. Please don't do this.

Whenever we host (pretty much all the time) I ask people beforehand if there's anything they can't or don't eat. If they say everything is fine and only tell me when they arrive that they don't eat meat, gluten, whatever, I feel terrible.

It's not for you to decide what is too much work for your host. If you have severe food restrictions and worry that the host can't meet them, then ask if you can bring something of your own. But do be upfront about what you can and can't eat.